Post # 1
Member
1 posts
Wannabee
I had been with my girlfriend for 4 years and proposed last week, but she’s been a bit disappointed and Im not sure how to best move forward. The proposal itself was done well – on a mountainside that she likes with our families nearby ready to celebrate. I thought it was romantic. The disappointment comes from the fact that she knows it was planned quickly even though she’d preciously expressed to me the importance of a long planning process. The idea was to still surprise her (rather than planning for a long time which is what she expected) and to provide the breathing space for planning upcoming life decisions with our joint future as a source of stability. I knew that she had wanted effort placed in the planning but reasoned that it was more important that she know I was serious rather than keep her waiting. Plus the opportunity was such that I knew I could plan a nice proposal with the important people around, an opportunity which may not have been repeated. But I think now that may not have been the right call. Turns out she saw the proposal coming and so was not truly surprised. She said yes but perhaps out of pressure. Also, she did not enjoy the day. We haven’t told our friends yet so I was thinking perhaps I should re-do it in the future. It seems silly but I hate that she was disappointed and doesn’t have happy memories associated with it. At the same time, I am embarrassed to be in this position as I know I can plan a much more unique proposal with more time – I simply didnt recognize the opportunity at the mountain till shortly before. I want us to have a happy memory that feels right but also feel hurt to have that reaction from her, even with the merits of the hastened planning and lack of “specialness”. It’s making us both question whether we are forcing something that should come more naturally. Any ideas? Should I do something additional to make it a better memory? Should we just go with it? In the end marriage is the important point (we are both very aware of this) but at the moment this experience is clouding judgment regarding it. Thanks!
Post # 2
Member
163 posts
Blushing bee
You said it was planned shortly, but did you propose with a ring? Or did you just happen to look around and say hey this is a nice time, and ask?
Honestly i find it romantic and sweet either way… i was just curious. You asked her to marry you when you saw a beautiful moment. I don’t see a point in redoing a proposal and I’m quite surprised she is making a big deal out of this.
Post # 3
Member
9780 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
Your proposal sounds lovely, I’m not sure why your fiancée is upset. If she wanted to dictate so many elements maybe she should have been the one proposing.
Post # 4
Member
446 posts
Helper bee
Wait. She’s mad because you didn’t spend long enough planning the proposal? Which turned out perfectly nice and romantic? Really?
You know what you should do? You should send her links to some of the threads on here about women who have been waiting ten years or more for their partners to propose and have gotten nothing but delays and false promises. Maybe that will convince her to be a little more grateful.
Post # 5
Member
2846 posts
Sugar bee
She sounds pretty immature imo. It’s about the marriage not the proposal. Real life is not like the movies, she’ll get over it or she can continue to pout like a teenager that didn’t get her way. Either way I would not do a redo. The redo will never be your proposal so I don’t see the point.
ETA: A bee just posted like a week ago that her so proposed with the ring tied to his lollygag. Maybe send her the link to THAT thread and she might gain some perspective.
Post # 6
Member
10945 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
rugbyplayer :
There are puh-lenty of women in the Waiting section of these boards who would give up chocolate for twenty years to get a heartfelt proposal like yours.
Well, maybe not twenty years, but, you get the idea.
Your fiancée is being ridiculous. How old is she?
I echo pawneegoddess’ suggesstion: invite your fiancée to spend some time perusing the Waiting boards.
Post # 7
Member
10945 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
smalltownbigworld :
And be sure to include the part about him using toilet paper to attach the ring to his member.
Post # 8
Member
2846 posts
Sugar bee
sassy411 : Holy crap! I must have missed that part in her thread. You would think that he would have invested in some pretty ribbon at least. But toilet paper? Ffs.
Post # 9
Member
163 posts
Blushing bee
I also wanted to add your Fiance is being selfish by ruining this special time for you. Congrats on your engagement.
Post # 10
Member
10945 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
smalltownbigworld :
Yup, toilet paper. A class act and hopeless romantic, that one.
Post # 11
Member
3879 posts
Honey bee
To be honest, she is being ridiculous. Your proposal sounds perfectly nice. There’s no reason a proposal should take longer to plan than the time it takes to get a ring! If you proposed without a ring, that’s probably the source of her disappointment and it would be a bit more understandable since the proposal and the ring are very linked in a lot of people’s minds. Is that the case? Otherwise, it sounds like she’s watched too many movies.
She wanted to be totally surprised and yet also control the process right down to the length of time you spent planning for it??
And she’s upset because she ‘saw it coming’ – what are you meant to do, join the special forces and carry out a top secret mission?
“Also, she did not enjoy the day” – well unless you were doing an activity that you know she actually dislikes it sounds like that’s on her and her attitude.
I don’t get her.
Post # 12
Member
209 posts
Helper bee
- Wedding: January 2017 - Maui, Hawaii
Could someone please link me to that penis proposal? Search isn’t working and I don’t know how I missed that gem!
Post # 13
Member
1560 posts
Bumble bee
smalltownbigworld : where is this thread?!
OP do not redo your proposal. If she isn’t ecstatic that you asked her to marry you – as in spend the rest of her life with you because you love her and chose her (and honestly, your proposal sounds sweet and thougtful), Id be questioning a lot in your position right now. She clearly doesn’t have her priorities straight 😕
Post # 14
Member
11595 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
You guys are so mean, you know it’a not real love without a Pinterest flash mob.
OP, seriously, it’s sweet that you want to do your best for her and see her happy, but make sure she’s in this for the right reasons. A proposal is not a show, it’s ultimately an agreement to get married.
Post # 15
Member
2261 posts
Buzzing bee
- Wedding: October 2019 - Chateau Lake Louise
rugbyplayer : She seems like she’s focusing on the wrong part. There’s nothing to apologize for or redo.
Tell her to focus on planning the wedding, if she needs something elaborately planned.
The tp penis thread got deleted. The op took it down and then changed her avatar. She also gave an entirely different account of her proposal on a different thread. I think she wanted to disavow all knowledge of that fustercluck
Member