How to proceed after slight proposal disappointment?

posted 2 years ago in Proposals
Post # 46
Member
448 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2018

rugbyplayer :  This is so bizzare, sure women tend to have a “perfect” proposal in mind but most women are so excited that the question has been asked that what they dreamed of doesn’t even compare in the end.  As pp have said, the moment is about committing to marriage which is the end goal.  Do not redo your proposal, perhaps rethink if you want to be married to someone that gets hung up on the wrong things.

Post # 47
Member
2925 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2017

Good lord, your Fiance sounds like a peach.

I wouldn’t propose again.  That just shows that you’re admitting that you F’d up, which you didn’t.  Do you always let her get her way?  Your proposal sounds lovely and I’m sorry she’s ruining what should be a happy time for you.

Sounds like she needs a lot of growing up to do.  If this is a one-of for her, I’d probably let it go, but if she’s always this immature, are you sure you want to marry her?  I guess I’m too old to deal with this kind of BS.

Post # 48
Member
700 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

I’d say, “Sorry I’ve changed my mind.” She sounds like a real gem.

Post # 49
Member
7 posts
Newbee

I would run now while you still can. She is being beyond selfish in my opinion. Your proposal sounds really sweet to me and any girl would be lucky with that. If she wanted something from the movies maybe she should have planned it out herself. In my opinion she’s taking away from your special day as well and making this a way bigger deal than it needs to be. You asked her to spend her life  with you on a mountainside with her family and friends near by, and that wasn’t planned enough? What else did she want, fireworks and violins? If she won’t give you a high five and Good job- I will. I really hope that wasn’t an indication of the marriage. 

Post # 50
Member
763 posts
Busy bee

I think she doesn’t want to marry you, and would have found something wrong with your proposal no matter what you did. Don’t beat yourself up, you didn’t do anything wrong and I don’t think this is about your proposal at all, I think it’s about her doubt in the relationship.

Post # 51
Member
1928 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

This is crazy! How does she know how long it took you to plan the proposal to begin with? Did she actually ask you that? No, you should not “redo” the proposal. That’s ludicrous. You’ve proposed; it’s done. It sounds like you did it nicely too.

Darling Husband proposed on a trip, and he knew he was going to do it on the trip, but neither of us had been to the place before. He had an idea in mind of proposing at this castle restaurant, but there was a wedding happening in town while we were there, so he wasn’t sure if we’d be able to eat there. Plus, the dinner would have happened night two of the trip, and he just couldn’t wait any longer to propose. So, when we walked to dinner that first night, he looked around to see if he could find a place to propose. He ended up proposing that night by the river side at sunset. He planned it as we had been walking around a couple hours before. But that matters in the least to me. It was beautiful, it was in a romantic location, and it was timely. Now, we’re happily married, and I still look back on the proposal with fondness. It made it even more special to me to hear his proposal planning story and for him to tell me that he just couldn’t wait one more night to propose.

Post # 52
Member
401 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2016

I don’t think anyone spent a long time planning elaborate proposals before our generation, since now we’re supposed to have professional photos capturing the moment we say “yes!” while he’s down on one knee and then the appropriate 2-ct sparkler to go along with it! Preferably with the Eiffel Tower in the background…

My Darling Husband didn’t “plan” his proposal. He simply waited for a good moment to ask, and asked. There are no photos, no Instagrams… it was absolutely perfect. We were hanging out in a tree and he suddenly jumped down and got down on one knee in the mud, in the dark, and asked me to be his wife. It was F’n magical. If she is disappointed by this romantic mountainside proposal, I would sugggest seriously evaluating the relationship.

Post # 53
Member
2496 posts
Buzzing bee

olivejd :  YOU ARE SO RIGHT! Any woman whom I EVER knew in my age bracket (between 80 and death) would have been subjected to intense psychological counseling if they had even IMAGINED that a lot of expensive, nonsensical foofah was a preliminary to getting married. 

And as I frequently indicate, statistics suggest that marriages back there in the Stone Age were no more and no less happy or successful than the dragged out, over produced, over choreographed extravaganzas that are a part of the current social landscape.

”Will you”? – “Yes” – “When”? – “Where”? (Kissing sounds) DONE AND DONE!

Post # 54
Member
95 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: June 2018

I have to agree with everyone else. I find it really disheartening that proposing has become nothing more than an Instagram/Facebook photo op. It’s a real question, with really important connotations, and it requires a real answer. It doesn’t need to be a circus to give it any meaning. 

And on another note, it would break my heart if my fiance thought that I was disappointed in his proposal, because it was something he was so excited for and put so much thought into. I honestly never thought about my proposal (that’s not to say it’s a bad thing if you do); I am more concerned with our actual future marriage, and making sure we have a good foundation for that… call me crazy. 

 

For me, this reaction would be sounding alarms. Remember that a lifetime is a long time. 

Post # 55
Member
1424 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2017

That’s really bizarre to me that she cares so deeply about the time you spent planning. Who cares?! She needs to grow up. Sounds like you didn’t do anything wrong, OP. A mountainside proposal sounds fab & romantic. She needs to curb her unrealistic expectations. Life isn’t a Nicholas Sparks movie.

Post # 56
Member
58 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: City, State

your proposal seems like the best of both worlds, to me. you put a lot of THOUGHT into the moment by having special ppl to celebrate with, but there was also spontaneity as to the location. i say, well done!

Post # 57
Member
1623 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2019

Good luck on your marriage. 

Post # 58
Member
127 posts
Blushing bee

If she is annoyed by this is she mature enough to be married? Does she even want to be married? Her behaviour and attitude seems more like she wants to say she is engaged and have a good story to tell so she can one up her friends.

If she was pressured into saying yes then that’s it’s own problem. Especially if she didn’t want to say yes until she got her picture-perfect-thought-out-a-year-in-advance then that is a totally different problem. Both of which would have me questioning if she was even ready to make a life long commitment.

If she’s acting like this now, chances are it’s going to be a source of disappointment for her for years to come and that’s not healthy in a relationship. 

Post # 59
Member
839 posts
Busy bee

She needs to get over herself

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