(Closed) How to proceed…

posted 8 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
1486 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

Oh, I could write this post myself.

I too, am not in contact with my bio-father.  I also have a sister through him.  She is the ONLY one from that side of the family that I have a relationship with.  I do not talk to anyone else and though my bio father did send me a letter and friend-request me on Facebook, I denied the request, deleted the letter (so I didn’t stew over it) and blocked him from my profile.

I don’t think there’s any reason for you to establish a relationship with the rest of the family.  I can see you wanting a sister but at this point, why do you want to add them to your life?  Abandonment issues I totally get, but, for me, personally, I think it would raise more issues than it would absolve if you were to add them all.

If you choose to maintain contact with your sister, however, I would make it clear that this is not a free-for-all for that side of the family.  That you don’t want details passed along, and you want to know her, and just her.

My sister does this for me and it’s the only way I feel safe about it.  She totally runs my interference in this regard.

Post # 5
Member
1486 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

@jennifer_espos:Ha Ha, maybe we have the same Dad and he’s just running around making kids and moving on. 😛

If she’s only 18…then yeah, that’s probably a lot to ask of her.  If you do move forward, I would keep the personal details, the identifying details to a minimum.  But I do everything to keep my bio-dad from being able to find me, because I don’t want him around me like that.

Post # 7
Member
1486 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

Listen though you have to nip that in the bud, don’t set yourself up to be rejected.  Just because they’re related to you through a father that you’ve never known doesn’t make them your family.  My mom always called bio-dad my “sperm donor” and never, ever my Dad.  My Dad is my stepdad who raised me from when I was two.  My sister through bio-dad is my sister, but that’s because I want her to be.  There are aunts, uncles, cousins they’re out there.  But they are not my family.

You can’t let them have the ability to hurt you, because they don’t deserve it.  Just remember–your Dad made the choice not to be in your life.  But each and every one of these people that wants to know you now made that choice as well.

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