(Closed) How to provide moral support to unemployed / under employed SO?

posted 7 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
2496 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: January 1991

I had a job like that before, and Darling Husband was really great at just encouraging me to do my best and that it would help me land a better job down the road.  It’s discouraging to be in a place when you know you can do better, but ultimately, I had to learn to just be thankful I had a job at all!!

I think the biggest thing Darling Husband did to help was to try to not appear like he was bragging about the cushy job he had (at that time) and to listen to me vent, complain, and such.  He also helped me look for a different job, and I ended up getting it and moved on to the MUCH better job I have now!!

Post # 4
1695 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

@MissPine:  I am struggling with the same issue!  It’s really hard because I know it bothers him that I have been supporting us.  I try so hard not to let him know how worried and anxious I am all the time.  But it can be very difficult. 

Post # 5
142 posts
Blushing bee

I would try to help out on resumé, on cover letters…. it got touchy sometimes. I network where I can for him.

Post # 6
1458 posts
Bumble bee

This is tough, I was recently in the same place as SO was unemployed most of the summer.  It’s really hard because I wanted to fix the problem.  The approach to it I took was whenever he brought it up I talked to him about it and told him that I loved him no matter what.  I didn’t really bring up the subject too much.  I was very stressed through the whole thing but I tried not to make him aware, he was stressed enough.  Thank goodness he found a job about 1 month ago. 

Post # 7
454 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

I’m in the same situation and I’ve found what works best for us is that I don’t bring it up at all!  If something slips out, like a complaint about not having any money (finances are tight with just my income right now), he takes it very hard and feels like he is not being the provider that he prides himself on being.  Not that I would intentionally say something to hurt him but if I say something about a certain bill leaving us strapped, for example, that is his reaction.

And if I try to comfort him, he definitely reads it as phony and is turned off.  I really just don’t say anything.  He is applying and interviewing and I just offer to help him with his resume and applications when he needs it and help him get his interview clothes ready.

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