Post # 1
So I have a bit of time before I make this decision, but a different post this weekend made me consider having no bridesmaids. I have a large handful of close friends, no obvious best friend, one sister in law and a future sister in law. Given this, I feel like the number of girls I would want to ask to be bridesmaids would get ridiculous, and I don’t like the idea of singling out who are my closest friends and who aren’t.
If I were to not have any bridesmaids, how would that work in terms of the following:
- Honoring & spending time with my friends on the day? In a typical wedding the girls can get ready together in the morning. It seems like a nice time to spend with your close friends, and then you can get pictures with them before the festivities. Having them stand up for you in the wedding is also a way to honor them. I like that idea but may not want to select out 3 or 4 girls and make them buy a dress and stand at the altar.
- Planning pre-wedding events and helping out? Just to be honest, I am looking forward to the events that come before a wedding like a bachelorette and a bridal shower. Who would plan these events? Could I plan my own bachelorette?
- Letting everyone know? I don’t want anyone’s feelings to be hurt, but I also want people to know that I care so much about them. I don’t want people to assume that there is a bridal party and they are just not part of it. I want my close friends to know I love them and I am making the decision out of love.
I was thinking of maybe doing something like a bridesmaids lunch or something like that to honor and spend time with my girls. Problem is, I don’t think it’s common where I live and I don’t know anything about them. What’s the deal with bridesmaids lunches and when are they typically held?
Post # 3
We didn’t have a bridal party. I just had my closest friends hang out while I was getting ready. It was SO stress-free, and everyone appreciated not being forced to wear a specific dress, or to pay for tons of events. We also had two people do short readings in our ceremony.
Also, you mentioned not wanting feelings to be hurt – they won’t be. As long as it’s clear that you’re choosing nobody, there’s nothing to make them feel left out.
And, you could all plan your bachelorette together. It’s easier that way anyway! My aunts threw me a shower.
Post # 4
My SIL did not have a wedding party. She invited some of her friends to help her get ready. She still had people beside her during the day of for all the pre-wedding stuff, but they just didn’t have matching dresses or stand beside her during the ceremony. She also had a bachelorette which I think she organized herself in terms of spreading the word around. They rented some hotel rooms, went to dinner together and bar hoping. Her bridal shower was given by her mom and sister so they stepped up and took care that. I don’t think she really missed out on anything. She also had some co-workers and friends step up and help out here and there with different wedding related events. Everyone was happy to help her and no one question her not having BMs.
As far as letting everyone know, just be honest. Tell them what you told us…how you don’t feel comfortable singling your friends out and that you would rather have everyone be apart of everything without any specific titles. And just because a Bridesmaid or Best Man lunch is not common in your area doesn’t mean you can’t have one. It’s your wedding. I also think that is a great idea and oppurtunity to honor your friends and let all your girls know at once your decision. And honestly they are going to understand because they want you to be happy!
Post # 5
I’m only having a Maid/Matron of Honor, and it will be the one of my four sisters that I am closest to. I have three sisters, so they are all planning my shower and bachelorette party together (actually we are having a jack and jill type party at a Dave and Busters were we will all be together, girls and guys – this was my decision). My other sisters are still helping me…again, I really think they are just glad they don’t have to buy a dress and all that bullcocky…I know I hated being a bridesmaid the two times I was, so I didn’t want to inflict that on a lot of people.
But since I was a bridesmaid in the sister’s wedding who is my Maid/Matron of Honor, you know I had to make her try on a ton of really ugly bridesmaid dresses…twas a lot of fun haha.
Post # 6
I went to a wedding where there were no bridesmaids or groomsmen, and she went that route for reasons similar to you. She had been in so many weddings and there would be hurt feelings if she didn’t pick someone, so she opted for no attendants. She still had a bridal shower (I want to say her Mom organized it-and I know that technically goes against etiqutte, but I don’t think people minded since there wasn’t a MOH). I’m not sure if there was a bachlorette night, but certainly if you want one, I don’t see a problem with organizing it yourself. My sister is doing a ladies luncheon for me the day before the wedding to include both Moms, sisters, aunts and close friends, so I don’t think that’s a weird idea at all.
Post # 7
I picked pick a maid/matron of honor and be done with it. 🙂 I plan to just have my sister as my maid of honor, so I’m biased.
1. I say invite them up to talk a little before you get ready, but only those select women. Sometimes people get crazy and everyone wants to come up.lol
2. If you have the one, she can plan it, but I see no problem with planning it yourself. As long as you aren’t asking folks to chip in, I see no problem. Especially if it’s a night on the town, you pay for yourself or your Maid/Matron of Honor does and just have fun.
3. Putting the wedding together/helping out- not sure how this would work since I plan to do it all myself because I am just a control freak and feel I can go a better job than someone who I tell what to do.LOL
Post # 8
My bestie actually is the one who suggested a girls day. She said that she understands not having a wedding party and it doesn’t mean I can’t still lean on my friends for help. Every one of my close friends has offered up some way to help knowing there are no bridesmaids. I just didn’t want to choose or deal with it. You’ll be fine 🙂
Post # 9
Thanks for the advice- keep it coming, and keep voting.
Just for the record, I don’t have any sisters, so that rules out an obvious Maid/Matron of Honor choice.
Post # 10
I’m not having a wedding party for exactly the same reason – I have no sisters, neither does Fiance, and I have something like 10 truly close female friends (plus a few close guys!). I couldn’t possibly pick out just a few of them, and it would be a little ridiculous to have 10 people standing up there with me! No one’s feelings are hurt, because they all understand that. One of them spontaneously offered to throw me a bachelorette, which was a total surprise to me but very sweet.
I don’t know what I’ll do about getting ready. One of my best friends is the person making my dress, so perhaps having her there to do any kind of final fittings/adjustments. Or I might send them an email saying, hey, I’m going to this salon to get my nails done, anyone who wants to can join!
Post # 11
Do you have any cousins? I think the Maid/Matron of Honor being a family member does cut out hurt feelings.
Post # 12
@PinkBubbleGum: I also have no sisters, but my Maid/Matron of Honor was my SIL (not the one mentioned above but another SIL). MOH/SIL has been in my family since I was ~10 and has seen me grow up, so I consider her my sister. What about considering your existing SIL as your Maid/Matron of Honor (or even your brother) if you really wanted to have someone stand by you?
My other SIL was not hurt either. She understood why I picked who I did and she was also glad she didn’t have to buy another dress (she was in a wedding the weekend after), plus is a little anti-wedding.
Post # 13
Well, I don’t have much close family but I appointed them(ones that aren’t close) as BMs without thinkin about it..and now I am like why did I do that? I don’t ever talk to these people hardly and I have several close people that I would really rather have as BMs..so..what I have chose to do I think is to not have any BMs at all. So, noone will get hurt and I will coast a little more stress free like. You know? BMs aren’t necessary..really, I thought..I must have them..no, I don’t. I am really interested in one person only that will show up and that’s my man..other things na..they don’t matter..I’d rather not stress about extra flowers, extra dresses, extra money..forget it. He will prob have his bro be a best man..but no BMs for me. FOWGETTABBOUT IT! Our ceremony will be quicker and so we can get to that honeymoon..YAH!
Post # 14
I didn’t have a bridal party. It worked perfectly for me. If you are leaning in that direction, go for it!
As for having people around you when you get ready, just spread the word to your close friends and family that you’ll be getting dressed at x place at y time, and you’d like people to pop in and hang out. You should make sure at least a few people will be there when you get into your dress, especially if you need help with buttons. Also, pick someone who will be standing by to do your bustle after the ceremony, and make sure they know what they’re doing.
I handed my bouquet to my mom after my parents walked me down the aisle.
I had family (both his and mine – they live in different parts of the country) throw showers, so that wasn’t a big deal either.
Since you aren’t technically “honoring” your friends by giving them the title or having them stand with you – just be sensitive to not expecting too much of them. They should only be helping out with the fun stuff and being present like a friend would be – not doing the grunt work.
Post # 15
The whole wedding party is not my thing, and my fiance does not want to choose among his many friends, so we opted out of the traditional wedding party.
Our immediate family, however, will be our ‘wedding party.’ We will both be walked down the isle by our parents. My fiance will have his brother as Best Man; he will walk down the isle with his wife (my future sister in law.) My brother, who is my Man of Honor will be walking down the isle himself.
A close girlfriend and my mother offered to throw me a shower, although I am not sure if I want one. Another good friend offered to throw me a bachelorette party. Chances are that the women close to you will offer, especially those that are relieved they won’t have to be in a bridal party. 😉
Post # 16
@MsMamaBear: @pansyshell: I do have a cousin who I am somewhat close to, but she is a a bit younger than me (just graduated highschool). I’m not really close with my current or future SILs. I also am closer to friends than any of my relatives, and I think I would want to pick my friends over relatives. I have known these girls for 10 years so hopefully they will last. I don’t know…. I have such a strong bond with many of my friends, but I do understand the choice of relatives over friends.
I do have two brothers who I really love very much, but I don’t know about having them “stand up for me.” I don’t know how into the wedding planning they’ll be, and how willing they will be to participate.