(Closed) How to put a “friendship” out of its misery? EXTRA LONG

posted 8 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
1667 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

um . . . in short . . . run far far away from this girl . . this post was agonizingly painful to read. It’s like the song that never ends, only it’s the clingy red neck girl from hell that never ends.

Post # 4
Member
1418 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

I think the friendship is already over personally…I would not send a letter or make any further contact.  Let the friendship rest in peace and leave it behind.  I think talking to her or communicating with her in any way at this point would only re-hash this not-really-a-friendship thing that has been happening for a while now.  You have moved on with your life, and she has not been a part of it, so I wouldn’t bring her into it now, even for a moment.

I hope you can finally find peace and let your guilt go.  Good luck 🙂

Post # 5
Member
455 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

You don’t have a duty to write to her unless you want to.  I don’t think you need to feel guilty about letting a friendship fade away.  It happens all the time.  I think writing a letter might give you closure – but it might also be more painful to this woman, and just letting things go would have the same result without forcing a direct confrontation.

Post # 6
Member
1752 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

You are her fall back.  You have been there throughout the years when she needed someone, but didn’t care enough to INVOLVE you in her life.

You shouldn’t feel guity for anything, and frankly, I think that if you contact her, it will just continue the cycle, but that’ your decision.

While it’s not a caustic relationship, it’s not draining you every day, it isn’t one that you want to keep.  I say don’t write to her.. but that’s just my 2cents.

Post # 7
Member
505 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: January 2012

If you want to end the friendship…stop having contact with her.  Just don’t email her, don’t call her.  Just ignore her. it’s the only way-there is no “duty” to contact her.  I know there are Bee’s on here that complain about no response to the invites, but come on…this is not your typical situation.  She doesn’t know where you live (hopefully).  You’re mom already told X’s family that you married and moved…that should give X her final answer. 

Do not open another can of worms or you will be repeating the past all over again.  

Post # 8
Member
624 posts
Busy bee

I read the whole post but often times I miss things.  Why do you feel you need to call her?

When friends have broken up with me they never email me back or say “Hey we should get together sometime. Call me” and then never return phone calls to meet or they set something up and never show.

I’m with Ella on the cycle thing.  Just let her be. 

Post # 9
Member
1641 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

I got all the way to the end.

And I agree with the others. I think that any sting of this friendship that you may be holding onto is nostalgia based. You really aren’t friends anymore, and it sounds like you are much better off that way.

I would definitely just let it go.

Post # 10
Member
2703 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

let bygones be bygones. don’t contact her, it’s been years already. just live as though u never received that invite to her bday/mary kay party.

you’ve already decided to end the relationship a long time ago, no use in confronting her about it; esp when it’s not likely she’ll understand.

 

Post # 12
Member
751 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

You don’t suck as a friend!  In fact, in reading this it sounds like just the opposite.  Yes, it sounds like her life is difficult, but you aren’t the cause and you can’t be the cure.  Friendship goes both ways and you have no obligation to give when she sounds incapable of reciprocating. 

Wanting to live your life, be happy and not have toxic people around you does NOT make you a bad friend!  Don’t contact her and be nice to yourself! 

Post # 13
Member
218 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2006

You tried to be friendly with her over the years, but you just don’t have much in common with her.  Also it sounds like you live far away, so it’s not like you’re going to run into her in the grocery store or something like could be a “Moment”.  She knows you’re married, so she knows you didn’t invite her to the wedding (hey, for all she knows you eloped).  I’d just let it drop. 

Post # 14
Member
272 posts
Helper bee

It sounds a lot like you just feel sorry for her – and her life may be difficult, but your pity might not be the best thing for her.  Just be confident that you tried to be a good friend throughout the years, and you’re now at a natural point to just let it be.  I’m glad you’ve decided not to have further contact with her, and I wish her the best.

Post # 15
Member
1317 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

Please don’t write to her. There’s absolutely no reason for it unless you WANT to reconnect with her. What you share is obviously not a nurturing relationship and to be honest, she sounds really selfish and toxic. So why are your feeling like you should continue this? I think she’s taken enough of your time and I think you should be really grateful you’re no longer and touch. It’s easy – keep it that way!

You’re only breaking ettiquete guidelines (like not responding) if you actually LIKE the person and want to be friends with them (or if it’s a work or formal acquaintance). But this woman isn’t your friend, nor do you want her to be.

I think the question is easy: Do you still want her as a friend? If you do, then call her. If not, then ignore the Mary Kay notice.

Post # 16
Member
1317 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

I just read your latest post and I have to add that you DO NOT suck as a friend. She does. Friendship is a 2-way street. There’s infinite number of things that can better take up your time and energy. Realizing that does NOT make you a bad person!

I guess this topic just strikes a cord since I recently battled a similar dilema! It’s tough! Frown *HUGS*

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