Post # 1
Fiance & I decided long before we were engaged that when we got married we wanted a candy bar at the wedding because it was more “us.” Well now that we are planning we still want that and I wanted to have little bags so people could take candy home as favors.
Problem: My mom is hell bent on having glass coasters with etched leaves. I DONT WANT THEM. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve told her that and she responds “Well I’m paying for them” Yes you are but you aren’t listening I don’t want them at ALL.
Fiance & I wanted the candy bar and were looking into maple leaf candies then donating money to our local SPCA since it’s close to our heart (we adopted our 2 cats there).
My mom also won’t listen when I tell her that I do NOT want a send off breakfast the next AM. She is insisting on it. I have told her FI’s family (mom/dad/bro/SIL) aren’t staying at the hotel (FBIL lives within 30 min) and won’t drive out again for a breakfast…she insists that I need to tell them to and she is having one. I told her we are sleeping in and don’t want to be disturbed, she REFUSES to listen to me.
My mom is NEVER like this and we have a great, wonderful, fantastic relationship and i’m SO SO SO greatful for EVERYTHING she & my dad do I just feel like she’s hijacking my wedding because she is paying. It’s not about the money, it’s about what I want (minimal) and don’t want (stupid coasters and a breakfast) and I just honestly want to cry because planning isn’t fun for me anymore, I dread and hate it. It’s gotten to be stressful and makes me upset.
What do I do? I love my mom and don’t want to hurt her but I’ve told her no before and she just won’t listen to me.
Post # 3
Maybe you could try writing to her what you feel? Sometimes when people discuss, they think more about what to answer than focus on listening. Maybe reading your thoughts and feelings without preparing her answer would make her think about it?
Or, would she listen to your father? What is his position on everything? Could he be an ally to you?
Post # 4
You can either do one of two things….demand that your mom stop and refuse to incorporate things she wants to pay for in the wedding and strain the good relationship you both have during wedding planning. Or ask her why she wants those things and use them for another purpose. Glass coasters=guest table seating…voila! no longer favors and you can still do the candy bar. Breakfast=afternoon brunch…that way you don’t have to get up early and neither do your out-of town guests…If you don’t want to see anyone altogether the day after you’ll have to think of something else…
Post # 5
@egb- My dad isn’t really involved with wedding planning, he’s just happy to walk me down the aisle and share a dance with his daughter. And nope my mom wouldn’t listen to him either.
@andrea- The coasters as seating could work thanks! The breakfast I’m not budging on Fiance just told me he only has like 8 people staying at the hotel and I have less than 10. My mom expects people to drive back for breakfast which is dumb. I don’t want to see anyone after the wedding other than our immediate family, not b/c I don’t like people but because I don’t want the stress of everything, I want to relax and just LEAVE for our honeymoon. I’m now trying to find flights the next afternoon-early so we have an excuse not to go.
Ugh I almost just cried on the phone to Fiance about this because I’m just so stressed out and hating planning anything anymore.
Post # 6
If you really feel strongly about the candy bar, I sudgest just paying for it yourself if you can. My mother is planning on handing out some favors that I don’t want (we’re paying for our entire wedding ourselves & I have already brought the materials for my favors), but I’m just letting her do it, it will make her happy. It’s ok to have more than one favor, my friend had a whole bag of about 6 favors!
Post # 7
@Ducks- it’s not that she won’t pay for the candy bar she just for some reason really wants coasters.
She just called me at work to ask for a BM’s phone number, I told her that Fiance only has a few people staying at the hotel and that they aren’t sticking around for breakfast and it would be a waste of money to do one. She said fine that she would just take my aunt, uncle, their kids and spouses out for breakfast, which is the entire reason she wanted to do a breakfast in the first place. They did one for their son and so she thought she needed to do one.
I then said I really wanted maple leaf candies for a favor instead of a coaster set. She said she wanted to do the coasters and I replied with fine. She then says whatever, why am I being so cheap, she’s trying to make my wedding nice (and it won’t be nice without coasters?), and to just call her to let her know when the wedding is. OMG WTF. Seriously? I don’t want something at my wedding so lets throw a fit? Come on! So now my mom is mad at me over COASTERS.