- 6 years ago
- Wedding: October 2010
This is something I’ve been wondering about for a long time.
One of my close friends has been TTC for about a year. She’s done this the natural way and has only just started to seek medical intervention. She’s started to use the ovulation kits and I know she’s seen a doctor and was told that she might be premenopausal. I don’t know if her Darling Husband has seen a doctor to address any issues with him.
She and I have talked about this and she has put forth the fact that it is very difficult to deal with the hope-disappointment cycle over and over and will be very disappointed if it turns out children are not in the cards, but she also said that she’s not interested in spending a lot of money for IVF OR trying to adopt–she would rather simply change her attitude and her life plans: “If I can’t have children, it doesn’t mean my life won’t be fulfilling. It’ll just be fulfilling in different ways,” is how she put it. Nevertheless, I know this is a really hard time for her and I want to be a good, supportive friend with her through all this.
The thing is, I don’t really know how. And it’s all complicated by the fact that I am pregnant myself right now, and didn’t have difficulty conceiving (this time around, knock on wood). I’m not really one to constantly talk about my pregnancy with my friends, but at the same time, I feel a bit on eggshells with her regarding the pregnancy. I think that overall, I’ve chosen a strategy of letting her call the shots–if she asks me about the pregnancy, I’ll tell her, but I’m not going to gush about it. But by the same token, we’re part of a close-knit group of women, and I don’t think it’s right to say, leave her out of group-emails just because my pregnancy might be mentioned and discussed, or NOT invite her to the shower or something–I mean, I want her to be in my life and my life right now involves a pregnancy. I guess, I figure, she’s an adult and can handle normal baby-oriented discourse in a group setting, and if it’s too much for her, she’ll tell me. But I don’t know if that’s the best tactic?
So I’m posing the question to TTC bees, especially those who have had difficulty TTC, for advice. What are the best ways for people to be supportive? What are things that I should do or say (or NOT do or say)? Any advice would be very helpful. I’d just like to be a good friend.
NB–I’m going to be sort of in and out of the discussion, but I will check-in. So please leave your input!