Post # 1
Hi all, I just became engaged and already hit my first obstacle – the guest list! Based on out budget we can’t invite our entire families plus friends. The problem I’ve run into is that he has a large family. My family would consist of 40, his side is definitely more than 40. The problem is I’m very close with his side, especially his cousins and all of their kids. While they live out of town we see them mulitple times a year (like 6+ times/year). My cousins all live in town but I haven’t seen them in years. I also don’t communicate with them. I bumped into a cousins wife and it took a minute for her to recognize me. All of their kids range from 6 to 15. None of the kids remember or know who I am. Is there a way to not invite their kids but still invite my finances cousin’s kids? Could I have a smaller informal celebration with my side as a way to not actually invite the kids but still invite the other kids to the actual wedding?
Post # 2
niknik2304 : No, I think you either invite all of the kids or no kids at all especially if they have the same relationship to you (cousin’s kids from your side and his side) if the kids from his side were nieces and nephews I think that’d be more appropriate than what you’re trying to do.
Post # 3
I think you have to treat all the cousins equally, regardless of how close they are. Either invite all the kids, or don’t invite any of the kids. Presumably the ones who don’t actually know you will be less likely to attend.
I can only think of two possible exceptions:
1. If you’re on actively bad terms with some of them, and have cut them out of your life with the intention of not seeing them again. But I don’t think general lack of closeness is a reason to exclude cousins or their immediate family.
2. If you have some children who are actually in the wedding (junior bridesmaids, flower girls, etc.), you might be able to get away with including them and no other children.
Post # 5
You do not have to invite all the cousins, nor treat all their kids the same. You *may* deal with some hurt feelings however if anyone asks you can use the ‘theyre from out of town’ excuse if you want.
Invite FIs cousins and their kids. Don’t invite your cousins if youre not close to them. Or invite them without their kids.
Post # 6
I do think that if you invite the children of your FI’s cousins, then you have to invite the children of your cousins.
I don’t think you definitely have to invite your cousins, though. If you haven’t seen them in years, don’t communicate with them, and they barely recognize you, then I don’t believe you are under any obligation to invite them. I suppose if they are still close with your parents or your siblings, you may want to consider inviting them, but otherwise I don’t think you should feel obligated to invite them.
If you do feel that you should invite them, though, I think you also have to invite their children (if you’re inviting your FI’s cousin’s children). Even though you are not close with them, if you choose to invite them then they are your guests and you should treat them the same way as the rest of your guests, regardless of how close you actually are.
ETA: I just reread your OP and saw that your FI’s cousins are from out of town. That changes things, I think. It makes sense to invite just the children of out of town guests. They’re travelling for your wedding and it’s a lot more difficult for them to leave their children at home in that case.
Post # 7
I’m in the same situation. I originally didnt want children at our wedding outside of my nieces/nephews. He only has cousins and friends with kids so not the same level.
After a huge disagreement with Fiance’ about it, now I think I want to say that only people from out of town can bring their kids. It’s a lot harder to find someone to watch your kids for an entire weekend than for 1 night. You aren’t required to invite your cousins that you aren’t close to. It’s your wedding. Just be ready for any complaints later. (I feel some coming my way.)