(Closed) How to tell my pregnant MOH that she's no longer my MOH

posted 5 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
Member
1902 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

Maybe just start by talking about how excited you are for her and your wedding (how exciting you’re both taking such huge steps in your lives at the same time!) and then say something like “I know you know there is no one I’d rather have stand next to me on my wedding day, but given that your baby is due the week of the wedding, I completely understand if you want to step down.”

I wouldn’t force her to step down, or say “You’re not Maid/Matron of Honor anymore,” because she could take it the wrong way. Obviously you care about her and her feelings, so I think let her know your concerns and give her an option to attend as just a guest (if she can attend at all!).

Post # 4
Member
1638 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

@OnceUponATime:  I would ask her if she thinks she will be able to handle being a Maid/Matron of Honor and being that far along pregnant.

I’m 8 months and today my Dear Daughter found my sciatic nerve in my leg. It HURTS and I still have 7 weeks to go!!!

Tell her you will respect her decison anyway. Don’t just kick her out; that would hurt forever

Post # 5
Member
5547 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: December 2011

You don’t? You wait yo see if she can be there, buy a dress similar off the rack close to the date and hope she can be there.I assume you’re close to her and that is why you asked her to be in your wedding. So I think it would be in incredibly poor taste to tell her since she may or Amay not be at the wedding due to the birth of her child that she is no longer important enough to be your Maid/Matron of Honor. If she can’t be there then she isn’t there, there is no reason to “demote” her.

Post # 6
Member
3583 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

@chasesgirl:  I don’t think that’s the main reason. I totally understand about not wanting her sister to spend $300 for something that she likely won’t or cant wear.

OP, at my friends wedding her cousin was a bridesmaid that had full intention of going through with it even though she was due two weeks before. She had the baby on time and was simply too uncomfortable and exhausted so I can totally understand why you would be concerned for her. I would just approach it exactly like you told us. 4 days after giving birth? That sounds painful and exhausting. I think having her be able to sit and sign is a great option SHOULD she need it. But don’t have her not be your Maid/Matron of Honor. That serves no purpose. If she ends up not showing you can have someone else sign, it’s no big.

Post # 7
Member
11273 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2012

@OnceUponATime:  i think that the two of you should sit down and discuss what she thinks her options could be.  from there, both of you can come up with a plan A and a plan B, maybe even plan C.  this way she still feels involved in your wedding and won’t be upset by you just dismissing her altogether.  revisit these options as it comes closer to the date.

her main duty would be to witness the marriage.  that’s all she really needs to do. 

Post # 8
Member
4049 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: January 2014

I agree with many of the PPs. Don’t ask her to step down – just ask her how she wants to approach this since she is due the week of your wedding. That keeps the power in her hands and it keeps her from feeling dismissed.

Post # 9
Member
8369 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

I don’t get posts like this. My cousin was one of my BM’s. We had a destination wedding and you guessed it she got pregnant and couldn’t make it. I had already purchased dresses and accessories. But you know what that didn’t matter to me at all. I didn’t kick her out of the wedding, she was still my Bridesmaid or Best Man just in absentia. It didn’t matter to me one bit that she wasn’t at the actual wedding, the fact that matter was that I wanted her to do me the honour of being one of my BM’s and she wanted to do that for me. She skyped in for the wedding and part of the reception wearing her dress (although undone at the back thanks to the bump).

I think society needs to get past thinking that being a Bridesmaid or Best Man is some kind of job with tasks to do. It is more about recognising those in your life that got you to where you are on your wedding day. The girls that supported you through break ups and heartbreak. The girls that encouraged you to get back out there after the break ups. The girls that giggled with you and listened to you repeatedly talk about your first dates etc.

OP the only thing I would do is make every effort to ensure she is comfortable on the wedding day- if that means no walking down the aisle and sitting on a chair at the alter then so be it.

Post # 10
Member
427 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

@OnceUponATime:  You sound like you’re coming at this totally the right way and sound like a great sister 🙂

Just chat to her honestly, tread lightly and ask for her opinion first. Share how concerned you are for her and as PP said, come up with a few plans of attack and then wait closer to the wedding to see dress size and things 🙂

Post # 12
Member
4046 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

Maybe she can just get a nice black dressy jersey dress and a sash, shrug, or corsage in your wedding colors. Then she will be very comfy, will be sure to wear the dress again, and perhaps will be able to “stand” up next to you. Perhaps make her honorary maid of honor and talk to the o the other girls. She may very well be able to plan events like the bridal shower and other traditional Maid/Matron of Honor duties or you can let the other Bridesmaid or Best Man know they need to step up a bit.

 

Post # 15
Member
89 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

For perspective, my FSIL’s Maid/Matron of Honor had her first child 8 days before the wedding. They had someone lined up to do super last minute alterations on her dress and she still performed all of her Maid/Matron of Honor duties on the wedding day! She was a trooper, but she also had the help of the BMs throughout the planning process and on the wedding day. 

Post # 16
Member
4049 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: January 2014

@OnceUponATime:  I think you still keep her on the program and can have her husband stand as a groomsman if he can be there. I think it’s fine to have her in a different, yet similar, dress that she can get closer to the date.

The topic ‘How to tell my pregnant MOH that she's no longer my MOH’ is closed to new replies.

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