(Closed) How to request no gifts, charity donation instead

posted 4 years ago in Paper
Post # 2
Member
2134 posts
Buzzing bee

Why not in lieu of favors put a note saying you made a donation to xyz? 

People will give you gifts regardless.

Post # 3
Member
423 posts
Helper bee

You could include a note or small card that says “In leiu of gifts, unrealforreal, asks that a donation be made in her name to XX” Of course this may conjure some eye rolls, just like including registry information does, but by not including it, people may just buy you crap you dont need. 

Post # 4
Member
2141 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2017

you cant do it tactfully and shouldnt do it… you dont tell people what to spend money on and charities are a hot topic area, just because you support it doesnt mean your guests do (do not do the favor thing its tacky as hell… you never give to charity then brag about it and never give to your charity in someone elses name, if its a favor it should go to THEIR supported charity)

 

if people ask what you want maybe suggest they check out the charity because it means a lot to you but dont ‘tell’ them to donate

Post # 8
Member
2141 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2017

View original reply
unrealforreal :  as I said you can suggest the charity if people ask what you want but puting anything on an invite historically means its mandatory regardless of RSVP status… giving to charity should never be mandatory

Post # 10
Member
819 posts
Busy bee

View original reply
unrealforreal :  If people in your friend group/family typically include registry info with their invitations, then they probably won’t be offended if you do the same. Keep it simple: “In lieu of gifts, Jim and Jane would appreciate donations to the Children’s Foundation.”

Post # 11
Member
15023 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

View original reply
btob17 :  +1.

If the norm is to include registery info… and many people jsut ask for cash… then ask for cash and then donate it yourself.  End result is the same… they got to give you a gift, you got to give to the charity of your choice… and it didnt involve requesting other people to spend their money a certani way for you.

Post # 12
Member
2141 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2017

I find it odd and uncomfortable, its unspoken that you not to expect gifts anyway but by not requesting it creates a trick situation where people question it

I have heard so many stories of ‘no gift’ parties where people have been mortified because everyone else brought something and they didnt so it sort of becomes a backhanded request for gifts because everyone brings something to not be that person who showed up emptyhanded

Post # 13
Member
13067 posts
Honey Beekeeper

View original reply
unrealforreal :  Any mention of gifts, even “no gifts” is inappropriate. It’s improper to dictate, even to a charitable cause. I wouldn’t appreciate being told how to spend my money. 

Post # 14
Member
2141 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2017

does the charity offer money towards set things?

 

if registries are common in your area you could create one that mixes charity items with no charity items… add on basic stuff you can never have to many of like towel etc… and then have charity options (like here different charities have options where you can buy a goat for a family in the 3rd world or pay for a child to get school shoes or adopt a endanged animal etc…)

Post # 15
Member
7504 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2014

I wouldn’t find it rude if there were an insert card and/or a note on a wedding website that stated “in lieu of gifts, please consider a donation to XYZ charity in Unrealforreal and Partner’s names.”  We all know that weddings are traditionally a gifting occasion, and modern relationships have evolved more rapidly than etiquette. 

 Perhaps include a little more info about the charity and some photos of you volunteering with the kids to help make it more personal. 

If I’m going to part with my hard-earned money, I want to give you something you actually want. If you want a donation instead of a toaster, I’d be wasting my money to give you a toaster anyway, and I don’t like wasting money.

View original reply
bibber :  Favors are for the benefit of the guests and it’s kind of BS for a couple to say “we generoulsy donated money we were going to spend anyway to a charity you didn’t choose.”  If the OP would prefer to sacrifice gifts that would otherwise be coming to her, that’s wonderful and very selfless, but it’s not the same when you make a sacrifice of a gift for someone else.  It’s fine to go without favors but the “donation in your honor instead of a favor” thing is superficial and hollow.

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