Post # 1
OK – I am certain this question has come up 1000 times, so sorry if this is repetitious.
I am a second-time bride.
I have two childhood “friends”. I am extremely close to one. I am not fond of the other. The three of us have done many things over the years. We all attended each other’s weddings.
The friend I am not fond of was vocally against my decision to get divorced (talked smack about me to my friends and still talks about it after 5 years) and has been equally vocal about not liking my fiance (though she has met him only twice).
I decided to invite the close friend and not invite the other woman. I am happy with my decision.
Question – Knowing that the uninvited “friend” will be extremely offended and probably will take me to task about it personally (yup – that’s the kind of person she is), how should I respond to her?
How would you respond?
Post # 3
I don’t think I would get into it with her, but I’m also not a very confrontational person. To me, I would rather give her the standard, “We’d love to invite everyone, but unfortunately, we just can’t” explanation rather than potentially get into an unpleasant fight. Since this woman isn’t important enough to receive an invite, and she’s clearly made some very unkind remarks about you and your decisions, I don’t think it’s worth your time to worry about fully explaining your decision to not invite her. Offer something simple if she asks, then just move on and enjoy planning an amazing wedding celebration!
Post # 4
This one is only tough if you are really concerned about how it will affect your relationship with your actual friend. But you do need to realize that you will probably lose this woman’s “friendship” for good. So, while I would normally tell her to go to H-E- double hockey sticks…. I think you should take the high road and be nice about it. It’ll make you feel better overall and save SOME of the negative drama that could occur.
Post # 5
It seems that you don’t want to be her friend anymore, which is fine, you shouldn’t be friends with such a negative person. I wouldn’t tell her anything if she dosn’t ask, I would tell her the truth if she does. Be prepared to not call her your firend after that, but you’re not calling her that anyway you use “”.
Post # 6
I think YOU say the “high road.” Give your mutual friend permission to tell her the truth if it’s brought up.
Post # 7
@sonj818: Spot on advice I think.
Post # 8
I voted high road, but think you should feel free to tell her the truth if it will help you cope with her toxic attitude.
She sounds like bad news, and I think you were smart to keep her off the invite list.
Post # 9
End the friendship. You don’t owe her anything and she’s obviously not a supportive friend to you. Sometimes you have to ‘divorce’ your friends for your own mental health.
Post # 10
I”d personally LOVE to say: “biatch, if you wanted an invite so bad, you should’ve been nicer and a better friend. I don’t need a two faced hag at my happy celebration. So, I’m going to be like CeeLo Green and say ‘F.U.'”
Now, would I actually say that? It depends on how irritating she got. I’d probably TRY to be nice, and then if she still went on and on, I wouldn’t take that crap. Don’t let her talk down to you! It’s YOUR wedding! We’ve got your back… just sic us on her 🙂
Post # 11
You guys are awesome. Great advice.
Looks like “truth” and “white lie” are neck and neck in the polling right now. So how about something like…
“I am so very sorry. It’s a very small venue and we had to limit the guest list to loving and kind friends who were supportive during my divorce, made an effort to get to know my wonderful husband-to-be, and didn’t say nasty things about me or my fiance to other friends. I wish that could have included you…”
Post # 14
I would start with the standard small venue, guest list limit… if she really pushes you on it though, I would be honest and say something “Due to the reasons I’ve already mentioned, we’ve had to keep the guest list short and kept to people who truly support us as a couple and our life together”
She may or may not pick up on the slight dig but no matter what, I wouldn’t really get into it with her. I don’t think it’s wrong though to tell her how she’s hurt your feelings in the past.
Post # 15
I’d tell the truth. There’s a difference between not supporting your decisions, and not supporting you, and she is definitely in the latter category if she’s talking smack about you to your friends and writing your fiance off before getting to know him better. Someone like that is not worth staying on “friendly” terms with, in my book.
I dare you to give her your passive-aggressive response…and I want a front row seat with popcorn to see the look on her face.
Post # 16
@linguo42: I didn’t think of it as passive aggressive. I think of it as sarcastic. Maybe that’s the same thing though, huh? LOL