Post # 1
So i’m sure some of us have a friend or two that have been jealous when they heard we were getting engaged.. For me, i’m in my early 20’s so some of my girl friends have made comments like, “how can you be sure about him if you’re so young?” (we have been dating since 16) or “why are you rushing to get engaged?” or “don’t you want to be single for longer”? and i think it’s because most of them are single and they are afraid to “lose” me to married life.
Second point — Since i’m considered young, I think people will judge the engagement ring I have. It’s beautiful, although not fancy, but it’s still a nice size. My SO worked really hard and for a few months to save up for the ring. But people have asked me “how is he even affording that?” and “did he get the money from his parents?”
and even “is the diamond REAL?”
which i think is totally rude. What do you think i should respond to these questions, and how should I react? I get really annoyed, and I don’t know what to say. Because even though we are young, my ring is beautiful because my SO worked hard to earn it by himself, and we ARE sure we want to be together.
Post # 4
- Wedding: March 2012 - Pelican Grand Beach Resort
You can always tell them that you wouldn’t have said yes if you weren’t sure. As for the ring, I’d probably respond with a comment like, I can’t believe you would be rude enough to say that, and then I’d walk away.
You are (ring aside, that’s just not okay) going to get these kind of comments when you get married young. It’s just the way it is. Most people are not fully mature (though of course they usually think they are) until their mid-20s so it causes some people pause when people younger than that get married, but that doesn’t mean it’s not the right decision for you and your SO. Plenty of people get married young and were right to do so. The best thing you can do is prove your maturity by handling the criticism with grace.
Post # 5
Just ignore the haters. When they say things that bother you just be polite and answer their questions however you feel comfortable.
Just remember no one knows your relationship like you do and no one has the right to judge it or your e-ring.
Good luck and congrats!!!
Post # 6
thank you for the advice, i just don’t think they will believe me when i tell them he earned the ring and that his parents didn’t help him buy it. and i’m SURE they’ll ask me if it’s “real” :/ i know it doesn’t matter as long as i know, but it still bothers me
Post # 7
If anyone asks you rude questions about your ring — it’s because they are jealous. My parents got married when they were in their early 20s (and are still together today). I am 23 and my bf said he wants to get engaged this year. There is nothing wrong with getting engaged in your early 20s. It used to be quite normal back in the day: you would graduate HS, get a job, married, house, kids, etc. Now people are waitinggggggggg to get married until they are in their late 20s/early 30s because of college and other reasons. To each their own. If you want to spend the rest of your life with this guy — why wait? Your single friends are just jealous because they have not found the “one” yet. My friends are the same … they don’t understand why people my age are already getting engaged. However, they are single and want to party for as long as they can before settling down. So yeah… don’t worry about what others think. It’s your life and you’re happy 🙂
Post # 8
Well in most cases I would say ignore them or just respond by killing them with kindness. With regards to the age comments these have always been and always will be and I wouldn’t take them seriously or personal. While I wasn’t ready to get married at your age that doesn’t mean you aren’t, every situation is different and frankly is not anyone’s business.
However, in reading your other posts I wonder if their comments about the ring size are backed by concern and not jealousy. You have mentioned that your soon to be Fiance is spending ALL of his money and taking out a loan to get you the ring….something that I and many other bees would strongly advise against. Do you think that perhaps some of the comments might be concern motivated? Perhaps a smaller ring might be financially advisable in your case?
Post # 9
I can tell you from experience that I let stupid people and their stupid judgements make me feel bad about my ring, my choices, my life, etc for way too long. Only recently did I realize that people are going to have judgements regardless of the choices I make. The truth is, if you take it to heart then you are only cheating yourself. I have found that the best course of action is to give stupid questions equally stupid answers. “How did he afford a ring like that?” Simply answer “He is independantly wealthy.” A couple of those answers and they will see that it is no fun to do this to you.
Post # 10
I don’t plan to humor them with a response to the whole “are you sure you want to get married?” Just show them the ring and say “If I weren’t, would I have said yes?”
As for the ring, I’ll just say “Well, I sure hope it’s real!” and kinda look at them like they are crazy. lol
Post # 11
I luckily haven’t had too much of this. But when people do say “wow that’s big” or something, I just say thank you. It’s none of their business if they are just random people or not close friends.
Post # 12
@ladyofshalott: thanks alot for your input, im happy that you understand my situation, and yeah i think alot of young people want to stay single and party alot…but that’s not for me!
Post # 13
@Treejewel19: thanks alot for your answer. the only reason why i thought it was jealousy and not concern-motivated is because they asked me why i wanted to be committed someone when i could be single. They seem to not understand that I don’t want to date other guys before i settle down–because i already found my guy.
I agree that spending all of money on a ring is kind of silly, and i’ve told him i only want a plain band. However, we both have jobs and he has a well-paying job, and he’s smart with his finances, so I think we will be alright.
Post # 14
From your last posts, it sounds like he hasn’t even proposed yet, so how have people even seen the ring to question it?
But regardless, what other people think doesn’t matter. If they ask how he afforded it, say “He saved up.” If they ask if it is real say “yep.” I mean what is the point in wasting energy being offended really?
Post # 15
Yea I get this! Iam also early 20’s and although, I have a lot of friends my age who are already married and have been for years so when I got engaged no one was really shocked or bothered. However! When Fiance and I got eachothers names tattooed on us they were floored! I found it weird that a marriage is like, eh.. But a tattoo is like OMG ARE YOU NUTS? Both should symbolize forever, right? When people saw the tattoos then all of a sudden it was, oh but what if you divorce? Or you’re soyoung how can you be sure? Ugh.. Lol
Post # 16
@CorgiTales: thanks for the advice and i think i will probably say something simple and true, like “he saved up” instead of getting worked up. Well i showed some of my closest girl friends the photos of some potential rings we had looked at. I have yet to be surprised with THE one he is going to pick, but i have an idea.. but no matter which ring he picks, it will be beautiful because he worked hard to get it.