Post # 1
We received a generous gift (check) from a couples that atteneded our wedding. They’re best friend with my father, therefore they gave us more money than most guests. They’ve been on one income for several years now due to health issue (this issue is on going and expensive) and they are not in the same financial status as they used to be. I feel bad accepting this gift knowing they also had to spend money to travel to my wedding, therefore we decided not to cash the check.
My questions are:
1. Would it be weird that I don’t cash the check and not tell them? They eventually will find out the check is not cashed.
2. How do I tell them I’m not cashing the check w/o offended them? They used to have money and I’m worry I would hurt their pride if I tell them I don’t cash the check because of their financial reasons.
3. If you were them, would you be offended?
I consulted my dad, but he isn’t sure how to handle this either. He said he’ll talk to his friend, but he isn’t sure of how they’ll take it.
Post # 3
They will be hurt and offended if you do not accept the gift. Cash the check asap and keep the money. If you don’t cash it right away, it will completely mess up their bank account since they have an outstanding check.
This is one gift that you cannot return, no matter how you feel about it. It’s not your dad’s place to talk to them about the money either. They knew going into it that it would likely be a financial burden but since they are close to your dad, they chose to be generous to you. If you do not accept the gift, with a gracious and prompt thank you, they will be offended and upset.
Post # 4
I agree with @Ember78. They knew what they were doing when they gave you the present, and they know the status of their checking account. It was their choice to give you such a generous present. Cash the check, and write them a very thoughftul thank you note.
Post # 5
Yes, I think that they obviously put thought into this gift to give you this amount, and I think it would be an offense to them to not accept it. They want you to have it and it is polite to accept it.
Post # 6
They obviously could afford it since they gifted it to you. Cash the check because I am sure they’d be offended if you didn’t.
Post # 7
I agree with PP’s, it would be very rude for you not to accept or for your father to say anything to them about it.
Its very nice that you are concerned, but I say just accept graciously.
Post # 8
Cash the check and use some of the cash to buy them a really special chistmas gift x
Post # 9
I think a lot of time, people give gifts out of etiquette (sometime spent more than they could afford to save face).
Same thing happen to my wedding and my cousin’s wedding. One of our aunts couldn’t make it to our weddings because she’s too old to travel but she mail us checks. My cousin didn’t cashed the check nor told her that he’s not cashing the check, and did not sent her a thank you card either, so she complaint to our grandma about it.
When it was my wedding (a year later), my mom told me not to cash the check (since she’s old and have limited income) but told me to return the check with a thank you card. I happened to be in her area, so I return the check to her in person, she was surprised but happily take back the check. I will be mailing out a thank you card to her soon. But so far, no complaint from her.
So my advice to you would be return the check, tell them that their presence was enough and you really appreciated their intention.
Post # 10
I would be so humiliated if someone returned a check I gifted to them because they thought I could not afford it.
You have no idea what their financial status is. The only people who do are the ones who wrote the check and I’m sure they considered what they could afford before giving it to you. Cash the check and send a nice thank you card.
I mean, what if they had given you an expensive present? Would you have returned the present to the store for cash and handed the cash back to them?
Post # 11
Money is tight for me and my Fiance for similar reasons, but we still enjoy giving big checks at weddings. Not only would we be offended, but I would ask the bride or groom about the check. They might end up thinking it got lost or stolen. If I thought that, I might just write another check and mail it.
If they didn’t want to give you the money, then they wouldn’t have written the check.
Post # 12
Thanks everyone for the replies. I finally cash the check yesterday.