(Closed) How to say NO to being a bridesmaid without ruining the friendship?

posted 5 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 2
47430 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

View original reply
blahblahgirl:  Just be honest and straight forward. “I am honored by your request but with my own wedding and other things going on in my life, I am unable to accept . I would love to attend as a guest.”

Post # 3
434 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2016

I think honest is the best. Tell her you love her and that you value her freidship. Then give her all the reason you listed above. Money, time, etc. Tell her that if it wa a nother time and place you would jump at the chance but not right now. You can offer to help out with being an usher or Signing person or even be responcable for the presents. I’m sure if she needs you you could do something to fill in. 

Post # 4
458 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2017

She may not ask you to be in the wedding, I wouldn’t worry about it too much.  Honestly, if she asks I would say that you are so touched however with your upcoming wedding and family plans you won’t be able to be a bridesmaid.  Leave it at that. No is a full sentence. You mentioned that you don’t consider her to be a close friend.  She has a right to be bummed, but honestly, if she were to blow up at you for not agreeing to be in her wedding you may be wanted to reconsider the friendship anyway.

Post # 5
268 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2016

I agree with just being honest.. and i don’t even think you need to go into grave detail about why you don’t want to. just be straight with her.. you have a lot going on with your own wedding and family that you just don’t think that you could take on a role as such.. hopefully shes understanding.. and if not then you know you made the right decision.. 


Post # 6
3607 posts
Sugar bee

….Are you sure you want to keep this friendship? You say you like her but it sounds like you hate her, tbh. But yeah, I’d decline and either cite financial reasons or the fact that you might be pregnant at the time of her wedding. If she is the kind of person you described, the latter will work better because she won’t want to ruin her Pinterest-perfect pics with a preggo Bridesmaid or Best Man.

Post # 8
1304 posts
Bumble bee


If she asks, just say that you are so honored but so disappointed because you aren’t able to give her wedding the attention it deserves. Tell her finances are tight, you’ve got some other personal stuff going on (no need to share details) but wish her all the best and can’t wait to hear about it and would be so honored to attend as a guest.

(ok, the so‘s are a little sarcastic but you get the point…)

Post # 9
392 posts
Helper bee

I wouldn’t go into detail about why you can’t, she’ll just argue each point and get pissy when you don’t back down.  Or even worse, you *will* back down when she starts applying the pressure.

  • This reply was modified 4 years, 10 months ago by  WallNut.
Post # 10
2597 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

Pshaw–I’ve turned it down like, 3 times. If she’s your friend, she’ll understand. You don’t really have to give her a reason, just a vague “honored, but wouldn’t be able to keep up wtih the responsibilities,” is fine. 

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