Post # 1
Member
458 posts
Helper bee
Hey Bees!
I am getting married in 4 months and we can all agree life is starting to get a bit more stressful haha One of my friends got engaged a few weeks ago and a friend and I are having dinner with her tonight. A little back history on this friend: known her since high school, can be very mean, catty and superficial (a lot of people don’t like her) but I guess i’ve always accepted her for who she is but I would not consider us close friends anymore (live in the same city and only see her for communal events). She is NOT a bridesmaid in my wedding and has no role whatsoever. My question is this: I feel there is a chance she could ask me to be a bridesmaid and I straight up just don’t want to for several reasons: her expectations are insane (wants to go to thailand for her bacherlorette, shower at the ritz, $500+ bridesmaid dress and the fact that I know she will be a brideszilla). I CANNOT afford to be in this wedding and we plan to TTC right after my wedding in August. I know she hasn’t asked me yet and might not but I want to be prerared if she does because I’ll say yes if im not preprared and put on the spot. We go back and I do like her as a friend but not to be a bridesmaid. What should I do or say if I am asked? I don’t want to ruin the friendship. Help me!!
Post # 2
Member
47430 posts
Honey Beekeeper
blahblahgirl: Just be honest and straight forward. “I am honored by your request but with my own wedding and other things going on in my life, I am unable to accept . I would love to attend as a guest.”
Post # 3
Member
434 posts
Helper bee
I think honest is the best. Tell her you love her and that you value her freidship. Then give her all the reason you listed above. Money, time, etc. Tell her that if it wa a nother time and place you would jump at the chance but not right now. You can offer to help out with being an usher or Signing person or even be responcable for the presents. I’m sure if she needs you you could do something to fill in.
Post # 4
Member
458 posts
Helper bee
She may not ask you to be in the wedding, I wouldn’t worry about it too much. Honestly, if she asks I would say that you are so touched however with your upcoming wedding and family plans you won’t be able to be a bridesmaid. Leave it at that. No is a full sentence. You mentioned that you don’t consider her to be a close friend. She has a right to be bummed, but honestly, if she were to blow up at you for not agreeing to be in her wedding you may be wanted to reconsider the friendship anyway.
Post # 5
Member
268 posts
Helper bee
I agree with just being honest.. and i don’t even think you need to go into grave detail about why you don’t want to. just be straight with her.. you have a lot going on with your own wedding and family that you just don’t think that you could take on a role as such.. hopefully shes understanding.. and if not then you know you made the right decision..
Post # 6
Member
3607 posts
Sugar bee
….Are you sure you want to keep this friendship? You say you like her but it sounds like you hate her, tbh. But yeah, I’d decline and either cite financial reasons or the fact that you might be pregnant at the time of her wedding. If she is the kind of person you described, the latter will work better because she won’t want to ruin her Pinterest-perfect pics with a preggo Bridesmaid or Best Man.
Post # 7
Member
458 posts
Helper bee
FantasticFawn: hahaha your post made me laugh. Yes, I can understand why you would think this but regardless of her sometimes crappy personality, she’s fun to be around and would give you the shirt off her back. But her other “qualities” are what make me not want to be a bridesmaid but I still want our friendship to remain the same. I agree she would NOT want a preggo bridesmaid hahah you nailed that one haha
Post # 8
Member
1304 posts
Bumble bee
If she asks, just say that you are so honored but so disappointed because you aren’t able to give her wedding the attention it deserves. Tell her finances are tight, you’ve got some other personal stuff going on (no need to share details) but wish her all the best and can’t wait to hear about it and would be so honored to attend as a guest.
(ok, the so‘s are a little sarcastic but you get the point…)
Post # 9
Member
392 posts
Helper bee
I wouldn’t go into detail about why you can’t, she’ll just argue each point and get pissy when you don’t back down. Or even worse, you *will* back down when she starts applying the pressure.
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This reply was modified 4 years, 10 months ago by WallNut.
Post # 10
Member
2597 posts
Sugar bee
Pshaw–I’ve turned it down like, 3 times. If she’s your friend, she’ll understand. You don’t really have to give her a reason, just a vague “honored, but wouldn’t be able to keep up wtih the responsibilities,” is fine.