(Closed) how to say this nicely without offending people?

posted 8 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
3601 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: January 1992

Just call it an adults-only event. Someone’s always going to be disappointed that you don’t want them to bring their crotchfuit everywhere, but most parents understand that a late evening of drinking and dancing doesn’t include kids.

 ETA: but don’t actually call anyone’s kids crotchfruit. that will probably make them upset. 

Post # 4
4479 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: March 2010 - Calamigos Ranch

Try “adult reception” at the bottom of the invitation and see what happens. But I don’t think you can invite the kids to the wedding and not the reception, unless they’re on different days or something?

Post # 5
2729 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

@helenberrycrunch: I just laughed for about 2 straight minutes at the word “crotchfruit.”

But yes, I do agree that you should just call it an adults-only event. I’ve seen lots of threads around the bee about ladies who have done this. So maybe do some searching around here of previous posts to find some ideas about how they handled it.

Post # 6
11481 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2009

@mrsrangrang: I know that you really want to invite the children to the wedding but not to the reception.  However, there really is no easy — or proper — way to do this.

The very best way to ensure that friends and family do not bring their children to your reception is to not invite them to the wedding. And, the best way to ensure that there is no confusion as to who from the household is invited is to use both outer and inner envelopes with your invitations.

Post # 7
1636 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

@mrsrangrang: When Darling Husband and I got married three months ago, we included a note in our invitations that read

“Due to the reverence of the ceremony and because the reception will extend late into the evening, childen under 13 can not be accomidated at the cermony or reception”

We only had one child show up to the reception byt thats because it was are 2yo nephew and my Darling Husband and I ran out of money for a babysitter :-p

Post # 9
3302 posts
Sugar bee

@mrsrangrang: There is no polite way to mention people who are NOT invited.  All you can do is focus on who is invited.

Be sure to mention the people clearly who are invited on the envelope, and follow up with anyone who includes univited guests on their response.

Post # 11
726 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

@helenberrycrunch: LMAO crotchfruit is the best one I’ve heard since “f*** trophy”.

Post # 12
995 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2009

There are some great suggestions above but regardless, someone will probably be pissed. We had no children at our wedding and I don’t regret it for a second.

Post # 13
3 posts
  • Wedding: September 2014

I absolutely agree that you should not have the children at the reception.  To be honest, they’ll probably cause more chaos than you need.  I would recommend writing something on the invitation similar to what Luvmysailor mentioned.  Make sure you leave a number attending option on your RSVP and if any come back with a number which indicates more than just adults will be attending, you can come to them privately to discuss the issue.

Or you can do what my Fiance & I are doing, which is simply stating on the invitation “Please, no guests under 21,” which makes more sense since we are having our wedding at a vineyard and the reception is a wine & cheese tasting.  Also, everyone knows we hate kids!

Post # 14
667 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

Be prepared for people to be pissed and not show up because they do not have anyone to watch the kids. I remember my cousin did this at her wedding a people were really mad and talked a lot of sh*t. Then someone brought a newborn and it caused quite a bit of drama.  Do what you want though just be prepared.

Post # 15
2031 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

OMG I just laughed so hard at crotchfruit that my Fiance heard me from the other room, LMAO!!

Yes, someone will always be upset about not inviting children, but honestly it’s YOUR reception.  I like the wording the PP suggested, makes it nice and happy…

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