How to set boundaries with a friend who seems to fancy SO

posted 8 months ago in Relationships
Post # 2
9044 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2016

1) Yes, he should stop responding to her on social media.

2) Talk with her and let her know you are feeling uncomfortable. 

Post # 3
10853 posts
Sugar Beekeeper

The flirting is what’s not OK and I don’t think it’s too much at all for SO to stop responding to her on social media.   Maybe she’ll get the message.  SO can also perfect the skill of disengaging whenever she flirts with him. He can go look for you, or get something to eat or drink. If it’s reached the point where you are both uncomfortable, then either tell her or avoid her. 

Post # 4
9261 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2016

I think I missed something. What exactly is she doing and saying? I see you said she has made comments about how different her ex is to your SO and that she messages him but what exactly is she messaging him.

Never the less, he doesn’t have to respond to anyone he doesn’t want to, whatever the reason may be.

Post # 5
5206 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2016

I think it depends on exactly what she’s saying and doing and the tone of it. I come from a flirtatious family and I flirt a lot, myself, so I don’t think flirting is necessarily a bad thing. If she’s complimenting your SO, that isn’t necessarily a problem to me. It sounds like she’s making both of you uncomfortable, though, and that IS a problem.

But if she’s your friend, you should just say something to her.

Post # 6
431 posts
Helper bee

1) Of course, your SO can/should cut contact with her if she is flirting inappropriately. Friends don’t flirt with SOs.

2) What exactly is she doing? Maybe you can sit her down and have a chat? Has your SO noticed?

3) I have a lot going on with health problems, work permit extension deadlines, bereavement and insomnia among others. What does this have to do with anything? Maybe do a mental check that other issues in your life aren’t making ya extra sensitive / reading too much into things. 

Post # 7
287 posts
Helper bee

sarah156 :  cut her out of your life entirely.  Why is she friends on social media with him? I don’t understand people…if you don’t like something,  tell them no and get rid of them. You’re more worried about offending this broad than protecting your relationship. If you weren’t she’d be gone. 

Post # 8
559 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2015

Uh yes it is completely okay for your SO to not respond to her messages. It sounds like you’re scared of hurting her feelings than protecting your relationship. You can meet with her less if you still want to be friends but she doesn’t sound like a good friend anyway if she’s hitting on your SO.

Post # 9
826 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

I would snatch a bitch so quick! That one girl code all my good friends and I respect and will never break, you don’t flirt/fuck with any man that one of us has been with. There is no reason she even needs contact with you SO, she is friends with you not him. She is looking for an IN, you need to stop to it and tell him to cut communication. 

Post # 10
2444 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: December 2018

I agree with PP’s, it depends on exactly what’s being said before we can tell you if you’re overreacting.

Regardless, your SO isn’t obligated to talk to her.

Post # 11
7371 posts
Busy Beekeeper

therobinsparkles :  

She clearly admitted in the last part of her post that her multiple issues might be making her over sensitive ….

Post # 12
679 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

Hopefully your SO can be the one to set the limits. If she’s clearly overstepping boundaries (sounds like it, since he’s also embarrassed by her behavior!) tell him that it’s more than OK with you if he has a direct conversation with your friend and tells her to knock it off, even if that hurts her feelings. He may be trying not to be rude to her since she’s a friend, but sadly some people go out of their way to ignore hints until you’re blunt to the point of rudeness.

Also, sorry you’re going through a lot, I hope things get better.

Post # 13
14702 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

I personally wouldn’t talk to her about this, I think that could just make you look insecure, controller, and or untrusting.  If your Boyfriend or Best Friend is not reciprocating, that I don’t see the problem.  If she messages him, so what?  As long as he’s not leading her on, at some point, I imagine she’d get the point and stop.  If anyone is going to talk to her about it, it should be him.  Or could she just be friendly and tryign to get to know him as a firendly circle thing since you two are an item?

Post # 14
289 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: February 2020

You could be mistaken by her actions or you are correct on what you are witnessing.   

Just make sure your SO is aware of what she is doing and how it is making you feel.  


Post # 15
1155 posts
Bumble bee

Problem should be solved by him not replying her from now on when she attempts to talk to him in any way over social media, text, phone etc. If she isn’t at a party talking to him in person she doesn’t need to be contacting him. Have him set the boundary. If she then starts harassing him about why he won’t reply anymore he can then tell her that he has no interest in conversations outside a social setting with her. it should come from him. 

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