- 11 years ago
- Wedding: March 2010
I wish there were a “family” section on here, since so many of us have problems with our families!
My mom is one of those smothering parents, and she has been since I was born. The only problem is that it has never let up (I’m now 25) unless I fight with her.
I lived at home through college (age 22) because I was going to a local school, working part-time, and I couldn’t afford to live on my own. Up until I moved out, she would call to find out where I was, and if I didn’t answer, she’d call 75 or 80 times in a row, no exaggeration. Not Ok. I finally blew up at her one day and told her that I was an adult, and that she needed to stop treating me like a child because it was totally inappropriate. Keep in mind that I was a model child growing up, I never gave my parents any reason not to trust me. Miraculously, she stopped checking up on me (so often).
I moved out at 22, but I still lived locally, about 20 minutes away. It was better because no one was checking up on me daily, but she would still call every few days “because she hadn’t heard from me.” If I didn’t make time to spend time with her several times a month, she would get passive-aggressive, or downright pissed off.
I moved in with my fiance last March, and we live even further away, but still in the same general area (45 mins away) She still pesters me about spending time with her, and tries to guilt me (and by proxy my fiance) into spending time with her by saying “I never see you guys”, etc. It drives me crazy. Since living with him, I see her maybe once a month, and it’s perfect. She continually tries to guilt me about it, though. She used to call all the time, until she discovered texting. Now she flips out if I don’t respond to a text message, which leads me to why I’m posting today.
The final straw in a nutshell- My mother bought herself her own Christmas gift, delivered it to me and expected me to give it to her when we visit them for Christmas.
In my family, telling the others what we want for Xmas is the norm. Buying it yourself and sending it to that person to give back to you is not. She got upset when I told her that I had already bought her something, and that it was inappropriate of her to do what she did. Not because she really wanted what she chose, but because she couldn’t see why what she did was so out of line. I told her it made me feel like a child. She then accused me of “stewing over this and not talking to me all week.” Bees, I didn’t respond to a text message from 2 days ago and that translates into being pissed off all week.
I’m already in therapy to try and deal with this, I began about a month ago at my fiance’s urging. No joke, I got out of a session this morning, and I had a text waiting from her saying she hadn’t heard from me this week! We’re moving to another state after the wedding, and I couldn’t be more thrilled. I know it’s going to create a whole other load of “I never see you” drama, though.
Help! Has anyone else out there had to deal with a smothering parent?