- 7 years ago
- Wedding: April 2016
Me and my SO of 2 years recently had a pregnancey scare, and I found myself kind of sad that I wasn’t because I know a baby would speed up the engagement (plus I am ready and want to have his children). I know a lot of women mistakenly think this, but I am positive because he actually told me when we talked about it that if I had been, he would have proposed while I was preggo. We established early in the relationship that I would not under any circumstances walk around pregnant with his child without a ring. He agreed. Plus I know he really wants children and to ideally be married before they come into the world.
But I would much rather him propose because he thought it was the right time, rather than because of pressing circumstances like a pregnancy. Although I am ready for children, I would want him to feel just as prepared as me (he is 25 and finishing up school, I am 28 with my degree). So I have been contemplating other ways to gently nudge him in the right direction sooner.
The other day we had an in-depth conversation about getting married that HE initiated. He suggested the island he wanted to have a destination wedding on, I suggested the location, and he actually looked up the place online! We talked about how many guests (50 each), and I told him I didn’t want a big wedding, but he said he wanted that for me. We talked about everything from eloping to just having our parents there. He made me promise not to make him go dress shopping with me, haha. He volunteered who his groomsmen would be and asked me who my bridesmaids would be. I mean, he was REALLY into this discussion. He said the only thing stopping him from getting married right now was finances. And I asked him if finances are also a reason for us not being engaged. He paused and thought about it and said “No, I guess not.” I didn’t press the issue any more, but I plan to bring it up again.
So here are some things I am thinking about bringing up to him to make him want to propose sooner.
1. Take away most (if not all) of the pressure of proposing, and suggest that we get engaged the non-traditional route…just go to the store, pick out a ring together, pay on it or buy it on the spot, and then say we are enegeged. This would take away the whole “It has to be the ultimate romantic surprise, omgomgomg how am I gonna pull it off” jitters.
2. Point out to him that his brother and sister who are younger than him both got engaged, (without any convincing on the part of the females), and with him being the oldest, and me being older than those ladies, he should speed up the process! I never brought this up because I don’t want him to feel bad about it, or like we’re on someone else’s timeline, but I may have to play this card!
3. Convincing him that we should get engaged now as opposed to after he finishes school, and have a long engagement so he can “prepare himself” for marriage. He actually took a semester off recently, so he won’t be graduating when he had orignaly planned. And while I am fully supportive of that since he works full-time and could not really enjoy his summer, I also don’t want his delay in school to postpone the engagement. He always said when he finished school he would be ready, but since that’s getting pushed back, I don’t think it’s fair that the engagement should too. (I never mentioned to him how I feel about this, by the way.)
4. The other point would be timeline. When we moved in I told him that we should not reach a year without being engaged. And I meant it, and he knows that. But that doesn’t mean he won’t try to test the boundries (men, smh). So to reiterate that, I almost want to move the timeline up. Sounds backwards, I know. But I need him to know that a year was the absolute longest I am willing to wait, and prefer an engagement sooner. I haven’t brought up the timeline since we talked about it in May. We moved in together in May, but had already been practically living together for a year, just not officially.
Are any of these just wrong? Or do you think any of them would actually work? I want to choose my position carefully, because I only plan to bring this up once, so my “argument” has to be solid! I would greatly appreciate any suggestions from other Bees.