(Closed) How to speed things up (long)

posted 7 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
Member
4887 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

OMG are you seriously considering trying to rush?  To convince him to propose?

 

This is full of fail, I’m sorry.  Have some self respect and dignity – if you want to propose, that’s one thing (and so is walking if he doesn’t do something by your timeline – but WITHOUT ULTIMATUMS)… but to try to ‘convince’ someone to propose earlier than they’d intended is a horrible idea.  And imagine how you’d feel afterward, knowing that you forced him into it?  Not awesome.

You’re still in school!  Lady, let life happen!  It sounds like he’s on the same page, you just need to let things happen naturally.  Sheesh.

To answer your questions in your last paragraph, YES. These are ‘wrong’.  No, I dont think any of them would work.

Post # 5
Member
1566 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

I say just stick to your original timeline of 1 year.  It sounds like he is into the idea of getting married as he started the ‘wedding’ conversation so hopefully it will happen before the 1yr timeline is up.  I have to agree that anything more than maybe letting him know you are very serious about the timeline seems a little too forced.  I am waiting too so I understand wanting him to hurry up and propose already!! Good luck!

Post # 6
Member
1566 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

I say just stick to your original 1year timeline.  Anything more than making sure he understands you are very serious about that timeline seems like too much.  (And I think its ok to let him know that you would rather not wait until the very last day of the year for a proposal). He brought up the ‘wedding’ conversation  so it sounds like he is on the same page as you in that regard. I am waiting too so I totally understand wanting him to hurry up and propose already!!

Post # 7
Member
1566 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

oops…computer going crazy!

Post # 9
Member
2018 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: December 2010

I agree with your point that you should not live with him longer than a year without an enagement.  That is totally fair and it’s what I told my husband.  No way am I playing wife without the benefit of marriage for any longer than that.

But the rest of your ideas sound really pushy.  He IS younger than you, three years, which if you factor in how slow guys are to mature it really translates more into five.

Anyway, try and stick to the year timeline (you just moved in with him) and don’t say anything in the meantime. And don’t get pregnant “accidentally on purpose”.  That would be a huge mistake.

Post # 10
Member
10367 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2010

If it takes a pregnancy for him to want to propose to you, this is not the guy for you. You shouldn’t have to accidentally spawn to spur him into action. Red flag. You should never have to talk someone into marrying you. It should be something they want to do already.

Post # 14
Member
2018 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: December 2010

@Reign14: You’re welcome.  And just try to be cool for the next year.  After that, I say all bets are off and let the floodgates open. Good luck. lol

Post # 15
Member
1404 posts
Bumble bee

I think all of those options are a huge pressure filled mess!  As for option #3, shouldn’t he already be “prepared” for marriage when he proposes? 

Maybe it’s just me, but I hope I don’t have to convince anyone to marry me.  Or have an “argument” to share my points. 

Post # 16
Member
27 posts
Newbee

Ok.  Here’s the deal.  You’re dating a 25-year-old.  Period.

Although you are only three years apart, the difference between a person’s late twenties and early/mid-twenties is astounding.  It’s such a weird decade to go through.  I’m 29 and I think back to when I was your SO’s age and the change is mind-boggling.  The self-discovery and maturation that happens from 25 to 30 is significant.  Add that in with the fact that men mature slower (it’s a scientific fact…not hating on men) and that they can have kids forever, and you’ve got a little wait on your hands!  

From what I understand, most men need a little nudge before proposing.  I’m not talking about vicious shove off of a cliff (ie: a pregnancy scare), but a gentle elbow to the side (like a discussion once or twice).  

Of your list, the only rational point I saw was this.. “When we moved in I told him that we should not reach a year without being engaged. And I meant it, and he knows that.

By all means, bring up your timeline.  Changing it to make it shorter would be serious pressure.  Just gently remind him of your stance.  If he knows you mean it, he’ll understand loud and clear.  Also, number 2 isn’t convincing at all… there’s no reason to make engagement sound like a competition.  It’s a big turn off to guys.  

 

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