(Closed) How to squash anticipation feelings?

posted 8 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
Member
1390 posts
Bumble bee

@BlueRidgeMere: i have no suggestions. I know mine hasn’t even ordered it yet, but every time we do anything, I’m wondering, “does he have it? is this it?” So, if anyone has any advice (besides, ‘distract yourself!’) I would love it. I spent yesterday shoe shopping and while it was a great distraction, I can’t afford to shop myself into distraction every day! I’ve planned lots of elaborate dinners so I can cook for a few hours every night and I’m spending an hour at the gym every day….but I need something else to just think about when I’m at work and it’s slow. Somebody give me something interesting and complex to think/worry about, please!

Post # 5
Member
1313 posts
Bumble bee

Oh, oh, oh…. I can’t say I have a cure, but I do feel your pain!!

Luckily for me, this feeling has really faded the past couple of months after a huge fight we had about it. It’s actually been a good thing for us! ๐Ÿ™‚ Now, I have been really focusing on our relationship and myself. I bought a new yoga dvd and also ordered some books on a personality theory called the Enneagram (sooo interesting! you should check it out)

But when it was in my head, literally nothing could stop it. It was overwhelming for me sometimes, and I know the boy didn’t appreciate it. It’s such a hard thing because you feel like you don’t have control :/

I really hope things get better, and even if your thoughts don’t fade, hopefully you’ll be engaged soon so you don’t have to worry about it ๐Ÿ˜›

Post # 6
Member
1390 posts
Bumble bee

Harry Potter! That’s what I’m going to do. I’m going to listen to some Harry Potter on my iPod. And then when I get home tonight, I’m going to start reading the books again. That movie comes out soon, might as well be ready, right?

I’m sure there are other books that I can totally get lost in but luckily HP almost completely avoids the whole marriage thing until book 7, and even then, it’s not exactly a focus on the acutal wedding. Yes….yes. Harry Potter it is.

Post # 7
Member
302 posts
Helper bee

Tell me about it…. my Boyfriend or Best Friend and I had a 4 HOUR discussion last night about all of this.  I guess I have been pretty obviously miserable the past few weeks about all of this and he definitely noticed. He said he just wants me to be happy but doesn’t feel like he can move forward until I am happier.  Not that he would break up or anything, but he couldn’t propose with us in this situation. So I asked him if he wanted me to tell him everytime I was upset about not being engaged and he said yes, because if I don’t then i just hold it all in and it explodes on both of us later. We talked a lot about marriage and he said it is purely financial at this point. He knows he wants to marry me and doesn’t feel like I’m pressuring him, but he is just trying to save.  I asked if it would be by our 5th anniversary in May and he said it would probably be around that time. I know I should be happy because probably a year from now I will be engaged, but at the same time, May seems so far away–it’s over HALF A YEAR AWAY!!! I told him I needed to know that general time frame so that I wouldn’t get too excited each holiday or each time I thought it was happening, just to be let down.  He said he wanted me to have a few of those moments just to throw me off the scent. Like I said, I should be happy that I got a tenative timeline, but I can’t help but feel disapponted that the waiting is going to last quite a bit longer….. I don’t know how to deal with it. I’m sick of being miserable all the time but I can’t hide my feelings. I try to keep busy, and it doesnt always work. Oh this waiting sucks!

Post # 8
Member
302 posts
Helper bee

@artichokey:I’m obsessed with HP, too! I have read them all/seen all the movies and will be going to the midnight showing too (yes, im a dork!). Even though I don’t have much free time I may spend what little I have re-reading them all, too! Here’s to Harry Potter and forgetting about our worries!!

Post # 10
Member
188 posts
Blushing bee

I have no suggestions because I’m in the exact same situation as you. I’ve tried to convince myself that it will definitely not come until 2011, but I constantly hope it will come sooner. And like other ladies here, I was trying to remember what I thought about before engagement took over my brain.

 

Post # 11
Member
454 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

The only thing that worked for me was finding out when it was actually happening… which sucks because I ruined the surprise, but also DOESN’T because I know every single second I would be like, “IS IT NOW!!!?!”.  Especially since we’ve been doing a lot of things lately… trips, dinners, etc.  :/  Sorry that probably didn’t help.  I don’t know if anything does.

Post # 12
Member
442 posts
Helper bee

Trust me, I know how you’re feeling. Our 4yr anniversary is in less than a week, and it’s taking everything in my power to not get my hopes up. Especially because quite a while ago, I had mentioned I wanted a new ring (a ring he had gotten me for our 1yr anniversary doesn’t fit anymore), nothing came of it. A couple weeks ago, we were talking about what to get each other for our upcoming anniversary, I had said I wouldn’t mind some jewelery. He didn’t say anything. Then last night, he asks me if I would want a new ring. I tried to stay calm and was like “hmm maybe…” and then he said he wants me to go look with him so he knows what to get. I’m trying SO HARD not to get my hopes up, not to think he’s actually wanting to go look at engagement rings, but its difficult!

It doesn’t work magic every single time, but what I’ve been doing is focusing more on things I enjoy that may have fallen to the side since we started dating. For example, I used to do web design and post on boards. With working non-stop and dating, I haven’t done that as much. So I’ve been doing more of that, and even with posting on here, a site that’s related to getting engaged/weddings and what not, I’ve found I’m thinking “I wonder when he’s going to do it” less and less.

I’ve also been focusing more on myself. Spending more time with friends, doing my own thing, not spending every waking moment with him just because we have our usual one day off together. Heck the other day, even though I had already seen it, I watched 2 hours of my favorite show and had enjoyed myself with him in the other room. And the funny thing is? He paid more attention to me than he would have sitting right next to me! It was hilarious, he was calling out to me, running into the room to talk to me. It was awesome.

Writing also helps as well. I was feeling frustrated with people making comments to me and came up with this post yesterday. It helped me relax more.

If all else fails, I’ve also even tried saying STOP in my head whenever I catch myself thinking about it. It’s actually worked a few times. It helps me focus!

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