How to start discussions around the e-ring?

posted 2 weeks ago in Rings
Post # 2
Member
3815 posts
Honey bee

It doesn’t have to be a surprise or man-led at all! If you like the color of an emerald but not an actual emerald, you can get a lab emerald which is a lot less expensive and perfectly clear and sparkly like other stones.

Are you willing to pay for half the cost of the ring? I think that’s the best way, you will have a lot of input on the design of the ring and can get what you want. 

Post # 4
Member
226 posts
Helper bee

View original reply
@22anda22:  After we had the marriage talk, I sent my boyfriend a couple of pictures of rings that I liked as examples. I told him I thought he could use some help for when the time comes and winked at him. I didn’t share any of the prices. Eventually we ended up going to a jewelry store together so I could try some on. The nice thing was the jeweler knew how to handle the cost question without it being awkward. I never saw the price tag, but my boyfriend did. He was able to work with the jeweler to show me rings within budget range. And we settled on one that I love! Don’t be shy with being involved with the ring. It’s totally ok!

 

I got a lab diamond and it’s gorgeous and half the cost.  

Post # 5
Member
960 posts
Busy bee

I feel me and my BF are at the point of soon proposal

What does this mean? Have you actually discussed this? Or are you just going off time dating/what “should” happen? First things first you need to have an actual discssion about your future. Once you’re on the same page about that you can start discussing rings. 

Post # 6
Member
774 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2021

There is absolutely NO reason why your boyfriend has to be the one to pick the ring, and there is no reason why he has to be the only one to pay for it! Just have an honest conversation with him about what you want. Tell him that you want to pick out your ring together. Ask him how he wants the two of you to pay for it. Does he have a budget to pay for it himself? Would you two rather split the cost? Or do you want to pay for the whole thing yourself? There’s no right or wrong here and there’s nothing “weird” about having a transparent conversation about something that matters to you. In fact, being able to do so is a signal that the two of you truly are ready for engagement! 

Post # 7
Member
101 posts
Blushing bee

We went shopping together and I picked several rings I liked. Then I let him choose. He got my top choice. I would get a lab emerald or a tsavorite.

Post # 8
Member
1310 posts
Bumble bee

View original reply
@22anda22: This is absolutely false: “But then it feels very weird to actually mention your wishes as it’s supposed to be a man lead and ‘surprise’ thing. Also, my wished option happened to be quite expensive. 🙁”

YOUR future is YOURS! Getting married is joint decision, not a “man lead surprise.”  Have you discussed getting engaged and made concrete plans to do so? If not, that’s the first step.  You also have every right to give input on the ring you want because it’s something you will have to wear for the rest of your life. My husband and I picked out my ring together. He also got an engagement ring and we picked that out together also. The sexist notions that men are gatekeepers for marriage and engagement and only women are marked as “taken” during the engagement period drive me nuts!

Post # 9
Member
664 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2020

My partner and I got talking seriously about when we wanted to be married and set a rough period where we wanted to become engaged from that. Simce we had that convo I bought up that I had a specific ring in mind since I do not like the classic solitaire and I would be the one wearing it for life. I gave my partner a drawing of the ring I wanted, with metal and stone prefference, and left him to either find something similar or get it custom made (which is what we went with in the end).

 

Since you like emerald coloured gems, here is my lab grown emerald with a halo to offer a bit of protection. Lab grown emeralda are less fragile due to a lack of inclusions and they are more cost effective so if it is damaged I don’t mind replacing it.

Post # 10
Member
664 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2020

Post # 11
Member
3815 posts
Honey bee

View original reply
@kenobee:  I’m so glad you posted! Yours is the ring that I was referring to in my original reply. Just gorgeous!

Post # 12
Member
1947 posts
Buzzing bee

It shouldn’t be a total surprise – my OH and I had several conversatons about marriage before we got engaged, so while I wasn’t expecting the proposal to happen when it did, I knew we were moving toward making a formal decision within the next month or two.  I wasn’t actually bothered about proposal details, but if you are, there’s no harm in discussing them right after you’ve discussed getting married.  

Post # 14
Member
1169 posts
Bumble bee

We started talking about getting engaged around Thanksgiving 2020 by end of October 2021. 

I think in March I had started really looking at diamonds and rings online – then he started getting targeted ads haha.

He let me know in April he had saved up enough money so we could start looking. We went to a few jewellers to try on rings and see what I liked on my hand. We looked at lab diamonds online together and picked five out together that we both liked (he picked the final one). We worked with a jeweller to get a Stueller setting. I picked out three I liked.

Just waiting for the ring now, but if you see my most recent post it should be coming soon.

 

Post # 15
Member
1169 posts
Bumble bee

To your question, when we started discussing marriage around Thanksgiving 2020, I told him I wanted to be involved with setting the timeline and picking the ring. I was very direct about it. He was surprised at first, but once I explained why it was important to me he was all on board.

Leave a comment


Find Amazing Vendors