How to start discussions around the e-ring?

posted 5 days ago in Rings
Post # 16
Member
42 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: September 2020 - Surrey, England, UK

How exciting to be about to discuss marriage/engagement! If you are discussing marriage anyway you could raise the subject of an engagement ring at the same time. You should be able to discuss anything with your boyfriend and if you would like to be involved on choosing your engagement ring (and wedding ring) you should let him know. As others have suggested if you do want a surprise you could go together choose a few rings that you love and then leave the final choice up to him.  

My husband and I had started discussing marriage fairly soon after we first met. We were a little older when we met and knew almost instantly that we wanted to spend the rest of our lives together. After we had been together for just over a year we started looking for engagement rings together. My husband wanted me to be involved in the choice of engagement ring because he wanted me to be 100% happy with it. We spent the day in Central London going to various jewellers until we found the one where he purchased my favourite – a loose diamond. The ring and setting had to be made so unfortunately we couldn’t take the ring then and there. Once my ring was ready we went to collect it together and about half an hour later, he proposed over a glass of champagne at The Ritz <3

We also chose our wedding rings together because we wanted them to match (exactly the same design but obviously in different sizes).

I also agree. Emeralds are expensive. A lab created stone will be as stunning for less cost. Good luck! I hope you get a ring you will love.

Post # 17
Member
2877 posts
Sugar bee

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@22anda22:  I’d initiate a conversation. If you haven’t had a timeline discussion, I’d start with that. When do you see us getting engaged? Once you’ve established that, you can move on to a discussion about how you’ve seen a certain style of ring that you like, so you’d like to show him what style you’re interested in. Then you could either go out and try on rings, pick your ring, or show him different styles you like for him to pick from, etc. I tried on rings with my husband and I picked my ring out, and he chose the center stone. 

Post # 18
Member
772 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2020

If you want to be involved or directly choose your ring, the only stipulation your partner needs/gets to have is budget if he’s solely paying. Otherwise, the sky is the limit. Plenty of women choose their rings and some help purchase them.

It’s 2021, women have agency now. We don’t have to sit on our hands and wait for someone to buy us whatever ring they think is best and then give it to us whenever they are unilaterally ready.

Post # 19
Member
9111 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

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@22anda22:  I just blatantly said “I don’t want to be involved in picking something out but telling you now I prefer emerald cut diamonds”. 

Post # 20
Member
1812 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2020

We designed our rings together then he surprised me with a formal proposal.

This is a very expensive, significant item you’re expected to wear every day. Like any other such purchases, you should be having a joint discussion about budget, style, and timelines

Post # 21
Member
1197 posts
Bumble bee

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@22anda22:  Uh– it’s not “supposed” to be “man-led” or a surprise– it’s supposed to be whatever you and your partner want it to be. That can mean a surprise–or if you have preferences it can mean an open discussion. The latter certainly seems more reasonable to me– it strikes me as utterly insane to spend a ton of money potentially wihtout a discussion. 

Post # 22
Member
209 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

My spouse knew enough to not have a ring when he proposed. Then we went shopping together. He had a budget in mind, that he never told me. Luckily, what I liked was in it. I eventually found the ring I got at an estate jeweler (eragem.com) and tried it on without him, then took him back to buy it. I love estate jewelry has a history and fit with the environmental goals of our wedding to have as much used or recyclable as possible. 

Post # 23
Member
452 posts
Helper bee

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@kenobee:  I’m so in love with your ring! May I ask where you got it? That stone is so beautiful! 

Post # 24
Member
664 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2020

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@noseynat:  thank you 🙂 the stone is a chatham emerald and the ring was custom made by a local jeweller 🙂

Post # 25
Member
93 posts
Worker bee

My fiancé and I had conversations about getting engaged but didn’t set a strict timeline. We both knew it was coming but he wanted a ring to propose and we didn’t see a need for a deadline. When I felt the time was getting closer I sent him some pictures and links to lab grown diamonds which is what I wanted  

together we picked out the actual stone then we went to a jeweler to look at settings. I didn’t know exactly when we went to buy it or when the ring came in. 

Post # 26
Member
452 posts
Helper bee

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@kenobee:  Thank you for the info! That emerald is AMAZING! It has such a beautiful depth to it. 

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