(Closed) How to stop arguing.Help!!

posted 6 years ago in Rings
Post # 3
Member
250 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

Perhaps he’s getting freaked out at this huge step?  I mean in the sense that he’s thinking about this and getting overwhelmed by what it implies?

I think you need to sit him down and ask him point blank what the issue is.  It may take a few times, but I think the two of you need to communicate about how you feel about the situation, what you’re thinking, and just talk about it.  Guys can be like clams, so be patient, but persistent.  Tell him what you’ve been noticing.

Good luck!

Post # 4
Member
4478 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

I don’t know you guys or your relationship, but I will say that when my SO and I have argued a lot it’s usually because there’s a deeper issue and resentment has been building.  Or one of us is under stress.  Could one of these be the case?

Post # 5
Member
2854 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

What kind of arguing? Couples will argue, whether they are dating, engaged, married, whatever. How they argue and what they argue about is what indicates if there’s a problem or not. 

Not arguing at all doesn’t mean things are perfect. Trust me.

Post # 9
Member
2854 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

@MrsVMT: Are these big life things, like kids or career paths or where you want to live, or are they things like leaving clothes around the house?

It might be worth writing things down as you discuss different issues – that way there’s something physical to go back to when the issue crops up again. Also the time it takes to write out the outcome of a discussion gives each party more time to make sure they’ve said everything they want to say. And having the outcome written down helps cut down on the “Well you always” or “I thought we said” type statements.

Otherwise… it might just be stress in advance of a big life change, like a PP mentioned. What about finding a new activity to do together to give you something else to focus on?

Good luck!

Post # 11
Member
4478 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

Glad to hear you guys had a good sit down. 🙂

Post # 12
Member
706 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

I’m seeing this thread for the first time, and just wanted to chime in. Something that’s helped me a lot is to change my mindset around arguments from a “me vs. my SO” mentality to a “me & my SO vs. this problem that is putting a wrench in our relationship.” It’s not the easiest shift to make, and it takes time to practice a new way of “arguing,” but the end result is that it puts you on a team with your SO, rather than against him. Approaching communication like this means that our arguments tend to be incredibly productive, rather than destructive. Even if you find that you two are picking fights with each other just for the sake of feeling like you’re right, that is most likely stemming from an underlying problem of one (or both) of you not feeling like you are being heard or respected in the relationship. Remember, the goal is to learn to live happily with each other, so both of you feel loved and respected–not to be right or to win your disagreements. Good luck!

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