How to stop feeling down about your wedding

posted 6 months ago in Reception
Post # 2
Member
4810 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: July 2018

You just need to stop focusing on tiny details.  If you have worked in the events industry then surely you know that things happen and things aren’t perfect?

I think this happens every time a bride painstakingly plans every tiny detail over 2 years, it can just never live up to the hype because it is real life, there are so many variables and you can’t control other people.

Focus on your marriage, plan mid week dates with your new husband and try to enjoy the newlywed time. 

When you get your photos back i’m sure you’ll see that your dress looks great, as did your hair. 

My friend’s veil started to slip as she walked down the aisle, she put it back in twice and in the end threw it dramatically to the side of the altar and continued with the ceremony as if nothing happened.  It is one of my favourite moments of her wedding, it is all about perspective, things like that don’t have to be a disaster.

Post # 5
Member
467 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2018

First of all, you look gorgeous. And you and your husband look so in love too! Congratulations to you both

You have every right to be upset – weddings are hard work and if you’re the type of person who likes to do things themselves (I am!) and trusted others to sort stuff on this one day and got let down, I totally get why it was so upsetting.

I would just say give it time. It’s still quite fresh but as time passes, the wedding will seem much less significant as you embark on your new marriage and some of the mess-ups might start to seem funny with a bit of distance. But it’s perfectly reasonable to be disappointed so don’t beat yourself up about it! xx

Post # 6
Member
762 posts
Busy bee

Well I mean – you look absolutely gorgeous. I 110% guarantee you no one else noticed, or if they did, cared, about the little things you are stressing about. 

You say everyone had fun, was fed and watered, and you GOT MARRIED! – what’s to be disappointed about?! 

You’ll stop nit-picking and look back fondly eventually. Just give it some time. Its still fresh!

Post # 7
Member
762 posts
Busy bee

butternutter :  I will admit though, I am quite relaxed about my wedding planning, and am not planning too much. But I am a little bit of a control freak at times, so am worried that I will sweat the small stuff on the day too..!

Post # 8
Member
815 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2019

I think your hair and dress look beautiful! I would have been very happy with those photos. I would try to let the little details go and focus on the joy of being married to your best friend.

Post # 9
Member
1772 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2018

equinity :  No Bee! No no no!!!

You are really in an obessive rut. You need to let go. And you look AMAZING in your dress and actually to me you look super happy. 

We build up these events and expect so much. You need to keep perspective here and enjoy married life. 

I had the teeniest of weddings and even so, so much went wrong. I was unhappy with my photography, I forgot stuff I needed to do my hair right, (it looked bad because of this and not at all what I had planned) it was raining with gale force winds up until a few hours before the wedding so everything was wet, and dark and windy on the day of. My photographer didn’t take photos of a lot of the moments I thought she would and she processed the photos pretty harshly on the ones we got. My shoes were killing my feet so I was limping and forcing a smile for 2 hours while taking pics, I lost the gem on one of the shoes and  and and plenty of other stuff went wrong. So lots of tiny stuff, but adds together (in the scope of our tiny 2 person wedding, lol) So it was a bit disappointing.

But there was so much joy to hang onto. So so much love in my heart. So much happiness with finally being married.

I really understand where you are coming from because in the first while (especially at night) I would wake up sad, unsettled and really worried. And I felt terrible because I couldn’t change it all. But the feelings settle and the emotions mellow.

But you have to change your attitude and really put forth that effort to focus on what you liked about your wedding.

I guarantee you in a few weeks it will be much further away and much less dramatic. You will get used to seeing yourself in the wedding pics (and see that you looked amazing, even it it is different to how you “thought” you looked) and you will begin feel less hurt.

Post # 10
Member
2360 posts
Buzzing bee

Chiming in to say you look lovely and not at all like a whale! 

Post # 12
Member
3090 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: January 2021

Looking like a whale in your photos is 100% all in your head. We are our own worst critics and that is exactly what you are doing to yourself right now.  Stop it.

As for all the little things adding up – I get it. You put a lot of work into planning every last detail so I can see why it would be frustrating when so many things “went wrong”. But in real life things go wrong. You can either take it in stride or let it go. It sounds like you did a pretty good job of talking yourself down day-of, so good job on that! Now you need to stop obsessing about it because it’s not gonna change. You said yourself that everyone had fun and you married your best friend – in the end, that’s all that matters!

The rest of us can take this as a reminder to chill the eff out and not get caught up on trying to make the day perfect – because no matter how hard you try, how good you are at planning, it WILL NOT BE PERFECT and expecting it to be just sets you up for disappointment on what should be a fun and happy day. 

Post # 13
Member
436 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2018 - City Hall

I gotta say, you look amazing and I just love your dress. What a lovely picture you shared. 

I do understand where you’re coming from. It rained on our entire wedding day as well. I had a fight with my sister the morning of. My hair did not turn out that great. We got dropped off at the wrong city hall (in my city there is an old city hall and a new city hall) and we were running across the street in the rain, in traffic, frantically trying to find the place and arrive to our own ceremony on time. Boy that was stressful but now it makes for a fun memory.

I did not enjoy my dinner at all that night. And I also have trouble loving myself in some of the pics (chubby looking double chin in many). My dress looks like it’s dragging down my body (saggy boobs anyone?) and the attachable straps were sewn incorrectly (looked off) and they eventually broke off. Oh and I stained my wedding dress right in the front centre. 

My advice is to look at your wedding day as a whole. I think there is so much pressure to have the perfect wedding day, but this is real life and it’s never perfect. Look at your pictures with your head held high and tell yourself “this is me, and I love myself!”.

 

Post # 14
Member
436 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2018 - City Hall

Focusing on what went right is the best way to go 🙂 

Post # 15
Member
1133 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2018

equinity :  Wow you look amazing!!!

I know it can be difficult when reality doesn’t measure up to the fantasy but honestly you look amazing and happy in the photo you posted. The things that your vendors screwed up are annoying but you shouldn’t let them ruin the whole day for you.  In the greater scheme of things, some screw ups involving wine and ribbons is so small. Try not to dwell on it and instead focus on everything you liked about your wedding. You look radiant and your husband is looking at you like you’re the most beautiful woman in the world. 

ETA: My hair went flat almost immediately, I messed up my eyeliner, I didn’t lose all the weight I wanted to lose and I feel like my arms look chubby in some pictures, my bodice laid kind of funny, I got a fish hook stuck in my skirt, we forgot to get photos with our parents, my mom was embarassing, the service at the restaurant was terrible, I got hardly any sleep the night before and was cranky and tired by the end of the day. Every wedding has things that go wrong. But I just remember how happy I was walking down the aisle, how we both teared up saying our vows, how much fun we all had taking photos and then at the reception. Those are the things I focus on.

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