(Closed) How to stop my lack of sex drive from breaking us up?

posted 4 years ago in Intimacy
Post # 3
3723 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

There’s definitely a possibility that it’s your birth control. I wouldn’t change anything until after your exams are over, and if your wedding is coming up soon, I’d probably wait until after that. Talk to your doctor about your PCOS/what type of birth control is right for you. Unfortunately, it’s likely that hormonal BC may work with your own body chemistry to decrease your sex drive. Have you thought about the non-hormonal IUD?

Post # 4
357 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2005

Your instincts on the pill could be very right.  I was on hormonal BC from age 18 to 23, and went off it because I started having some weird symptoms that seemed to be tied to the pill.  When I went off, my sexual preferences changed quite a lot, and I actually ended up no longer being attracted to my long-term partner.  We ultimately broke up.  I’ve since read interesting things about how hormonal birth control my impact a woman’s choice of mate.  http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2009/10/091007124358.htm

All this to say, it might be worth trying a different pill, or switching to an IUD or other non-hormonal method to see what that does for you.

Post # 5
1094 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

I also think it might be the pill.  I used to be on tri-cyclin and i struggled with sex for a long time.  I even though I might be “asexual”.  But I switched to the Mirena IUD (the low dose hormon one) and I feel WORLDS better. I’m still not an every day girl (although FI would like me to be), but wer’re a 1-3 a week and that works for us both.




I know how awful it feels to feel obligated for sex which can lead to feelings of digust and resentment because you’re basically forcing yourself to do it and that’s no healthy.  




I’d definitely look at going off the pill and also agree that talking to someone pro is a great idea.




Post # 6
3683 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

It could very well be the birth control.  I was all over my husband when I went off the birth control pills.  

Post # 7
407 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

It could be the birth control. I was on Tri-cyclin for years and seriously NEVER wanted to have sex, I was content never even thinking about it. I switched to Marvelon 5 months ago, and while I still don’t have a high sex drive, I at least want to have sex once and awhile. 


Post # 8
987 posts
Busy bee

@MissBunnyCup:  I have been in a similar situation, my sex drive disappeared and I changed my pill many times, it didn’t work. The problem I didn’t want to face was that it was our relationship. I’m not saying the same is for you, but my ex did the same things – harassed me for sex, which made me feel like nothing more than a plaything. Of course I would ‘give in’, to shut him up, but I did not feel good about myself. It was more like ‘glad that’s over, he’ll stop harassing me for a few days’. I ended the relationship (which as a whole was miserable). Met my SO a few months later, and my libido is out of control – even 6 years later. During this time I have used the Implanon implant, and currently the Mirena IUD.

Your FI needs to back off, because the more he pushes, the more you go the other way. You have expressed very strong interest in getting this problem sorted, so I’m not sure why he is reluctant for you to explore those options. I still suggest you explore those options anyway.

Also, when you first get together with someone, you do go through a honeymoon phase where you just can’t get enough of them, you feel drunk on hormones. Maybe it’s that that honeymoon phase has worn off, and you just have a naturally low libido? Either way, do see your doctor and a counsellor and get to the bottom of it.

I wish you all the best.

Post # 9
11336 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

@MissBunnyCup: I think it’s the pill too. If possible don’t put too much onus on the fact as it’ll make it a bigger issue than it needs to be. Unfortunately I guess him trying to initiate makes it worse as you then feel pressured, guilty and he then feels well tired of trying, the best thing is to love each other and for him to try and understand. 

Post # 10
2117 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

For me, it was absolutely the pill. In fact, my history of losing my sex drive is VERY similar to yours. I can actually 100% relate to, in the past, having felt NAUSEOUS at being intimate w/ my then-boyfriend (now ex). 


I lost my sex drive with FI in about 5 months, which is normal for me. For a year from that point, I struggled off and on. During good months, we’d have sex once per week; during bad months, we’d have sex once every other week or once every 3 weeks.


What helped me the most was that FI let ME take the lead. He’s never once complained about my drive or pressured me into anything. Because he took this attitude, it took the pressure off of me, and that helped my drive to come back more often. 


I went off of birth control about 2-3 months ago now, and my drive is higher than it’s been in years! FI and I are currently remaining abstinent until our wedding day after going back to church and making that commitment, and I do not have PCOS, so it was a low risk for me to go off of birth control. I have no intention of going back on it. The difference is like night and day, and I absolutely have no desire to go back to where I was.

Post # 11
2196 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

Regardless of why you’ve lost it if your guy is pressuring you constantly that is not a good thing!  I’ve been having similar issues myself, but as much as I know FH misses it, he’s very strong on insisting that our relationship is about far more than the sex and that sex is just the icing on the cake so to speak.  If your relationship and love for each other (well, I’m thinking more his for you) isn’t deeper than just having sex then I think you really need to question how much you’re worth to him – as a person on a deeper level, or just someone to mess about with?

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