(Closed) How to stop taking things personally?

posted 6 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
3170 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

I can be the same way at times. I have to work really hard and taking a step back before saying anything and think about the situation. If you give it a couple minutes and think before you talk, you usually calm down and just let it go. If I’m not sure if he’s upset with me or the situation i’ll say ‘Man, that really sucks that it’s broken babe.’ and wait for his response. Most the time he just says “yeah, oh well, no biggie’ and we move on.

Post # 4
Member
10366 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2010

You are projecting and telling him how he is feeling instead of letting him communicate to you first. Stop telling him how he feels/why he is mad, and sask him to explain why he is upset/if there’s something you can do to fix things. You’re almost never going to get a good response after telling someone what they are feeling, you’re going to get an angry, escalated, confused response.

Post # 5
Member
2966 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

 

@KatieBklyn:  It’s tough to get away from that habit, and I must admit I do it too a lot more often then I should. I always go back and read this:

Post # 7
Member
11747 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

when you realize that you’re going to ruin your relationship if you keep it up, you’ll stop taking things personally. I’d try and figure where it stems from and fix it asap – sounds like it could be insecurity? 

Post # 9
Member
267 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I realized that sometimes my Darling Husband just wants space–either to be left alone, or space to vent without response. If he has a shitty day at work, I’ve learned to let him go watch Sportscenter alone. If he wants to talk about it, I’m glad to listen but have stopped trying to offer solutions.

Sometimes they just need to get things out. That’s completely opposite of my instincts–I just want to fix whatever’s wrong! But I finally accepted that sometimes trying to find a solution just makes a mountain out of a molehill.

Another hard lesson I learned: not everything has to do with you! 🙂

Post # 10
Member
55 posts
Worker bee

I didn’t grow up in the greatest home, and I ended up acquiring some codependency issues (that I’ve since mostly worked through, hurrah!) This honestly sounds kind of similar. Codependents suffer a lot because they feel personally responsible for the feelings of their partners. They’re the ones who are always asking “Are you mad? What did I do? What can I do to make it better?” even when they’ve done nothing wrong, and it’s exhausting and often doesn’t help any.

You don’t mention anything that makes me think he’s a substance abuser, so you might not technically be ‘codependent’… but you might benefit from reading a little bit about it anyway, just to see if you identify with any of it. Just an idea. I don’t have a substance abuser in my family, so it took a while to recognize my own problems.. but reading about it helped me put normal behaviors into perspective.

Post # 12
Member
2966 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

@Aquababes:  Isn’t it? We women are such complicated creatures. Kudos to those who put up with us. 

Post # 13
Member
423 posts
Helper bee

@Mimoza:  Hehe men are no cake pieces either.

Post # 14
Member
2966 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

@Aquababes:  Hahahahah no if they were we would have eaten them (sorry rant off another sweets post of mine).

Done threadjacking! 🙂 

Post # 16
Member
808 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2013

I do this as well. My Fiance has a short fuse and it burns quickly, I smolder for hours if he snaps at me. We’ve both really had to work at how we communicate with each other. Maybe some therapy would help? It’s helped us

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