Post # 1
Member
1234 posts
Bumble bee
I’m sure this has been discussed numerous times before but I just wanted to vent a little and get some advice.
We’ve been married three lovely months and it seems we barely had our thank you cards sent out before we started getting constantly bombarded with the “when are you having kids?!” questions. Honestly, I feel that is very rude when we are asked this and then shunned for our response. DH is 25 and I am 22. We’ve both got our bachelor’s degrees, have great careers which require a lot of travel, and own a house on a few acres. We ALSO have about $135k in debt between our school loans and mortgage. We’re living comfortably now but we’re trying to get our loans paid off ASAP. We are both young and have dreams and goals to pursue (we both want to go back for our Masters) before we even think about starting a family. Honestly, lately we have discussed not having children for many personal reasons. (Please don’t flame me for this this is just our opinion) When we say we aren’t sure if we want kids yet we get 20 questions (Does everything work ok, you’ll change your mind, etc.) and it just makes me uncomfortable. Is there any way to nip these questions in the bud without being rude? I really am getting tired of explaining our stance on it when it is really none of anybody’s business but ours.
Post # 3
Member
444 posts
Helper bee
@Cummins59: I would just tell people that when it happens you will let them know. You want to enjoy being a married couple and enjoy each other’s company before having children. Honestly it is nobody’s business and you shouldn’t have to explain yourself. It does get rather annoying.
Post # 4
Member
1234 posts
Bumble bee
Just wanted to add – Since when do people assume the contents of my uterus (specifically the lack thereof) is now a perfectly acceptable topic of discussion at family picnics?! SMH
Post # 5
Member
2959 posts
Sugar bee
Smile (with a bit of a smirk), wink, and tell them “we’re working on it.” That usually shuts them up!
Post # 6
Member
7199 posts
Busy Beekeeper
@Cummins59: I’m not even ENGAGED yet and people are asking me this CONSTANTLY. I suppose it’s because we’re getting “old” (I’m 34, so is 42) but COME ON. Since all my cousins keep having babies, I like to say “Well if the cousins would stop getting knocked up long enough for me to afford to buy my own kid stuff instead of a million baby shower gifts, I’d think about it!”
I do, however, like the idea of somehow pointing out that they are essentially asking if you’re having unprotected sex yet. Maybe “Well, we bought a mega pack of condoms at Costco right before the wedding and didn’t want to waste them, so maybe after those are done. It was an entire flat of boxes, so it should be a couple months yet.” would work. 😛
Post # 7
Member
2440 posts
Buzzing bee
I started getting asked this by my Mother-In-Law probably 5 or 6 years before we were even married. I always just responded with “someday, maybe”. We were undecided up until a year or two ago if we wanted kids but I never told anyone that, I didn’t feel a need to justify my decisions to other people. So I’d just give some vague answer and move on.
Post # 8
Member
1143 posts
Bumble bee
I’ve been married for a little over two years, and seem to get this question at least once a week, but from co-workers more than family. I usually just smile and say “Have you met my husband?” (my husband works there too, so they get the reference), and then add that I have a dog that takes up enough of my time as it is.
You’re right, it is no one else’s business. I agree with coming up with witty responses to shut people up!
Post # 9
Member
4841 posts
Honey bee
I get very quiet and put a very solemn look on my face and well up a bit. Then look at the floor.
Post # 10
Member
634 posts
Busy bee
@Cummins59: My response to that is that “I don’t like kids.” This usually stops any further questions.
Post # 11
Member
972 posts
Busy bee
We just keep telling people we already have a cat. 🙂
Post # 12
Member
1234 posts
Bumble bee
@MexiPino: LMAO his family would have heart attack if we used the condom line…I’m so remembering that! LOLOLOL
@HappySky7: Add a little sniffle in there too! I bet that’d make people feel like jackasses for asking hah!
@Autumnsnow: Haha, we’ve said that before and then we get strange looks.
Anybody else have any suggestions?
Post # 13
Member
18627 posts
Honey Beekeeper
I have heard some funny ones around here sometimes like “That’s a very rude thing to ask” and then staring them dead on in the eyes. If I start getting those comments again, I might have to just start saying F off! We are most likely going to be CBC (childfree by choice) so I’m not really planning on having one.
Post # 14
Member
166 posts
Blushing bee
Tell them that you’re enjoying the practicing of baby making too much to ruin it with a baby quite now. The level of detail that you go into (how much further into graphic detail beyond PPs condom idea) would depend on whether they are being truly nosy or just making idle conversation. I think that sometimes people who ask these sorts of questions aren’t malicious, they just don’t know what else to say to have a conversation.
Post # 15
Member
4841 posts
Honey bee
@Cummins59: Yes, the awkward silence is so, so intense. Then if someone asks you say “I just can’t talk about it”
Or you ignore it all together.
Or you scoff and change the subject.
Post # 16
Member
36 posts
Newbee
My fiancé and I probably won’t have kids, and I have learned to just grin and say something like “no, however we love practicing!” 😉 As soon as you orient them to the fact they are talking about your sex life, they usually laugh awkwardly and move on. I wish I had the guts to ask them how their sex life is, or mention how the sex seems to stop when the kids arrive and we enjoy it WAY too much to ruin it! Lol