(Closed) How to stop the "Are You Pregnant Yet?!" questions – HELP!

posted 7 years ago in Married Life
Post # 17
Member
1782 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

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@HappySky7:  That is the best response, I am practicing this now.

Post # 18
Member
1782 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

Ah, I think it would be great if there was a nice way to flip this conversation – from, “Are you pregnant yet or trying to get pregnant…” to “So you’ve been married, had x# of children, how is your sex life these days? Do you still even do it?” Or “So when are you going to get pregnant again?” Even if they are over 50 – who cares, they ask me, now I ask you. Would love a fun way to spin this convo, because once the question is asked I get all ackward, the room gets quiet – it’s the kind of quietness that is louder than a freight train. Yell

Post # 19
Member
1782 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

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@HappySky7:  I agree – the silence is deafening. Pure madness. I guess I could start talking about my last gynological visit – and just add, well since you asked…. I didn’t know how many details you wanted. It would be fun to just watch their faces with all the details a person could provide. I read romance novels every night *in real life* and could get some really steamy details from one of them – and just start describing our sex life as a fantasy *which it sometimes is* – This whole topic would make a great SNL skit.

Post # 20
Member
308 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

Honestly, I Totally understand how rude and annoying this is.  I am finding it especially difficult- as we are TTC but don’t necessarily want everyone and their brother offering advice how to conceive (believe me- I’ve probably already googled it), what to name the future babe, or worse- their own awful birthing story.  I wish people would just keep this question to themselves…. Honestly. 

 

Post # 21
Member
730 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

We’ve been dealing with this for three years now. We bought a new car recently (a 2-door convertible that we LOVE), and so many people were just like “How are you going to fit car seats in that in the future?” Ugh.

I’ve starting just saying “We’re working on it!” It’s ambiguous enough to not give a real answer (we’re not actively “working on it” in the TTC sense, but we are “working on it” in the getting-ourselves-ready-financially-and-career-wise sense), and it definitely shuts people up. I’m not sure what they think, but whatever they think is fine with me if I don’t have to answer those questions anymore! 

Post # 22
Member
62 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

My brother & SIL have had this happen to them a lot. A lady at church asked when they were having kids… and he said when he stops pulling out! lol luckily the lady thought it was hilarious. That had the potential to be horrible.

Post # 23
Member
140 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

Since DH and I are getting bombarded with the same question I’m going to use some of these suggestions! 

 

OP: I feel your pain & I hope people stop bugging you about your personal business!  

Post # 24
Member
109 posts
Blushing bee

We are so lucky we don’t really get this…maybe it will come, who knows? Or maybe people think we will be awful parents or something haha!

I don’t really have any advice but can I just say I think it’s SO unbelieveably rude. I have never said this to anyone in my life and do not understand how anyone can be brash enough to say this to someone else. Just awful.

Post # 25
Member
3467 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

I’m going to borrow the approach of a colleague who always, ALWAYS evades the personal question then turns it back on the other person. I’ve loved that ever since I started noticing it. When asked about babies, I’m going to say, “I can’t say for sure. But how about you? Are you regularly having unprotected sex?” 

Post # 26
Member
12244 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2013

I would go “Haha, gotta pay off those student loans, first!”

Post # 27
Hostess
10361 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: March 2014 - Chicago, IL

@Cummins59:  I feel your pain! I too am crushed by student debt and I also get constantly asked when are the babies coming? AND WE’RE NOT EVEN MARRIED YET! For some reason the idiots in my family think that just because we bought a three bedroom house, it means that we need to fill the bedroom with babies. UM NO. I’m still in graduate school trying to get my PhD and FH is commuting 140 miles a day for work. Between our schedules I barely have time to go grocery shopping let alone run a household WITH CHILDREN. People need to mind their own business. Before our engagement it was “when is he going to propose already?” Now it’s “Have you set a date?” INCESSENTLY and “when are you planning on filling the rooms… you will make beautiful babies.” Um I have things called priorities and having a mini-me is not yet one of them! 

Just know there are others like you!

Post # 28
Member
674 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2013

@Cummins59:  I just ignore them. People say to me oh don’t worry it will happen soon! As if I’m worried about it :/  While we were engaged DH got a vasectomy but I’m not going to volunteer that information. His parents don’t even know. I think when/if regarding having kids is a couple’s business and no one else’s. I generally just don’t even respond or I give them a strange look like they asked me something really nuts and its making me question their sanity. 

Post # 29
Member
674 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2013

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@BrandNewBride:  I find it easier to not give a concrete reason because then they will always have some sort of comeback/argument. Ex

  We’re not ready yet (no one is ever ready) – doesn’t matter if you mean emotionally, financially, whatever!

  We don’t want any (you will regret it later, do you hate kids, etc)

  We aren’t sure if we want any (mine are the biggest gift/miracle, you won’t regret it)

  

Post # 30
Member
2211 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

Lots of good suggestions here!  I especially love yours,

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@YUNO1:  😉

I’m 30 and my Fiance is 33.  We got engaged in April, and at a recent family picnic, my aunt asked me when we were going to have kids!  Since, ya know, I’m getting old.  (I inferred that; she didn’t say it)  I kind of stared for a bit, and then said probably within a year of getting married (I’d like to be pregnant, not necessarily have the baby in that time span).

But I was really kind of dumbfounded for those 3 seconds that I was staring at her.  We’re not even married yet…

Post # 31
Member
692 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2013

You need an answer they can’t argue with (we’re not ready/we’re not sure if we want one will insite some people to feel the need to convince you otherwise).  Depending on who’s asking, & how many times they’ve asked, my responses are:

 – We’re taking time to enjoy our freedom/sleeping in a lot (parents ALWAYS understand this one!)

 – No, but we’re getting in a lot of ‘practice’! (obviously not said to grandparents, but I whip this out if I’m being asked A LOT)

 – We’re planning a big vacation in a year or so, so we’re waiting till after that (been saying that for almost a year to some of my family members.  Its not a lie, we do fequently talk about vacations we’d like to go on, but it works because no one can argue and its ALWAYS going to be “in a year or 2”)

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