(Closed) How to stop the "Are You Pregnant Yet?!" questions – HELP!

posted 7 years ago in Married Life
Post # 62
Member
1722 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 1998

I have craploads of baby stuff – my husband and I are trying (unbeknownst to our families). We were moving into our house a few weeks ago, and my mother-in-law and I were alone together for about an hour. That’s pretty uncomfortable – we’re wildly different people and it’s best we have limited contact.

I started talking to her about her daughter’s baby because, well…it always seems to be a good topic. Then she turns to me and asks, “So when are you guys planning to have kids?”

I stood there awkwardly for a second. Man, if she had only SEEN the stash I have. I promptly answered, “We never want any.”

I guess because my husband and I are older than our siblings were when they married/had kids that our family’s take a “meh” kind of approach. Each side now has grandbabies, with the first on each side being born within a year of each other.

My husband’s grandma makes comments about it just about every time we see them – but thankfully it’s one comment and then she drops it. She’s never asked us anything.

I just laugh it off. I think they can tell by the fact that I’m not forthcoming that I have no intention of discussing anything. I think my in-laws think I’m looking to permanently be a mom to my pets.

But, I just show them that I’m certain – no, we do NOT want kids. MIL’s only asked that one time, and that’s been it. I’ve told my SIL we never want kids. Frankly, I don’t care that it’s a bare-faced lie. If/when we do have them and I’m announcing my pregnancy, I’ll say quite simply that I didn’t want to get anyone’s hopes up – which is to a degree true. Who knows if I can really have kids? I have no reason to suspect I’ll have problems, but.

I wouldn’t want someone perpetually in my face asking why we’re not having them or if we’re having problems. If I do have fertility problems, I don’t want my in-laws waving it in my face or spreading my personal business.

Confidence matters a lot – that goes for all of you dealing with this. Give a calm, collected, definitive answer. The “maybe one day..” or “I don’t know…” shows a lack of security. It also shows that maybe you could be swayed.

In my experiences, most people won’t argue with a “no, never.”

Post # 63
Member
915 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

I agree that it’s rude for people to ask questions like that and I would tell them that it’s none of their business in most cases or that you currently aren’t planning on it/don’t know. Fortunately, my Husband and I haven’t received a lot of questions like that and we have been married almost 2 years. We aren’t planning to have any children ourselves mainly cuz we have no desire to, we want to do a lot of traveling, and we have lots of debt.

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