Post # 1
Ok I’m new, and really needed a place to mentally jump up and down with Joy… (I can’t tell my bff, she will blab to other friends of his and might make things awkward!)
I thought he was going to propose at my Uni Grad (both of our families are coming down, meeting for first time which is a LOT in itself)… which I found out was not happening. That was a killer (background: we have been together 6 years, 4 years living together. His sister met her husband, got married and had a kid in the time that we have been together!). To make me less upset (he knows when I’m upset, he got it out of me), he told me he has a plan!!!! That he said that he has had for awhile BUT –
now the problem is getting (mainly his) family to stop asking that question: “When are you getting engaged?”
At his sister’s wedding, we were asked 56 times. I counted. That’s a lot in 2 days, when the wedding only had 50 guests, half from the grooms side!
His mother asks every time she is on the phone.
He told me himself that it is frustrating him (since he does have a plan) and doesn’t want to push it forward and make it less special because they want it to happen now! To be honest, the amount of time I’ve waited (and to be honest, since he has just started a PhD we will probably be waiting a wee while longer to get married yet), I want it to be exactly how he wants it to go.
How to tell them nicely to BACK OFF?!
I would reallly love some feedback on this. I want to keep the good relationship I have with his family haha!
Post # 3
People love drama, and love the idea of teasing about what they see as a sore spot. You should answer cheerfully as possible, something like “when the time is right” or “sometime in the future” or ” hey, now, if you keep asking I won’t be able to surprise her/be surprised.” Then change the subject. If they keep asking, tell them its not open to discuss and you’ll let them know when anything changes. Then change the subject if you can.
Post # 4
I’m never sure what to say to my SO’s family in situations like these. In the past I always would say ‘when we’re ready’ or ‘when he asks me to marry him’ but that never seemed to stop them asking again two or three hours later.
Now I have holidays coming up again and I’m just tempted to walk out of the room and let the SO deal with it as I don’t think I can answer those questions considering my mental state atm.
I’m with Kerensa with the idea that people love drama and gossip, perhaps they want to be the people that have all the inside scoop on what’s going on in the family and be like those people that make those ‘FIRST!!!!’ comments in the yahoo forums ect…
Post # 5
Yeah that is definately true, it gets so hard to be polite about it! The thing is, [his mum at least] probably thinks that she is doing me a favour! Best of intentions, I’m just running out of excuses! I like Kerensa’s idea – “shh or I won’t be surprised” 😀
I’m glad I’m not the only person sick of hearing it!
Post # 6
Wow, 56 times is a lot! I think by that point I would not have had a polite answer! I just say “When he asks!” But, I guess that doesn’t work if he’s right there. I like the idea of suggesting they might ruin the surprise. Or he could say, “I could tell you but then I’d have to kill you” if he has that sense of humor.
Post # 7
I would respond as follows:
Them: “When are you getting engaged?”
You: “I was going to ask if you knew.”
…..incredibly awkward pause ensues, and whoever asked regrets it more than anything, and will most likely never ask again.