Post # 1
Hi, all, I’m new here and have been pretty self conscious to post because I feel kind of crazy. I’m not engaged yet, but we’ve been talking about it.
Around a month ago, he asked me on a drive home if I’d actually want to get married, to which I said “of course!” He explained that he didn’t want to plan anything until he knew I was for sure into it because he didn’t want me to feel pressured. And then he said “okay, well, it might be a little while but just be ready”.
Since then we’ve looked at rings, talked about them, and he brings up wedding stuff pretty often unprompted. (I try to just be cool but I do enjoy the conversations). Now all of this is fine, but I find myself constantly going “could this be it?!” literally any time we do ANYTHING, and it’s both exhausting and probably not productive since I then think of how it would possibly happen, and then when it (obviously) doesn’t, I’m sort of bummed. I can’t help it, I try to think about other stuff but this happens as a knee jerk – “let’s go to the park” “oooh what could we be doing at the park??”
I want to just enjoy the moment and have fun being with him without constantly having my radar going because I’m also worried that when the moment DOES come I’ll be expecting it and then ruin the surprise! Plus it hasn’t even been that long since our initial conversation about it and “a little while” could be anytime, so I have no reason to be thinking about it now. Am I just being way too nuts? 🙁
Post # 2
- Wedding: March 2021 - Kauai, HI
Set it in your head that it’ll happen on NYE or Valentines 2019. Then focus on being in the moment before then. I did this with my pregnancies. Always expected they’d be a week overdue, then I wouldn’t get too antsy in the last month! So exciting bee!!
Post # 3
Haha not gonna lie, I spent the last year doing that and it was super annoying but also kinda fun.
Post # 4
- Wedding: May 2019 - City, State
I totally understand! This past year was a little like that for me. My now fiance gave me a timeline when we moved in together that he was going to propose before our lease was up. The first few months I was pretty confident that he wouldn’t propose that soon, so it wasn’t a big deal. But come NYE, I was on edge for everything for several months. It was a little stressful, and by March I realized I was wasting the time I got to spend with him overanalyzing things. So I just decided that he was absolutely planning on proposing on my birthday (which was literally 3 days before our lease was up). Once I settled on that, it was so much easier to sit back and just enjoy our time together without expecting everything to turn into something and then being sad when it didn’t.
So for you, sit back, and like a PP said, assure yourself it’s not happening until Vday 2019. It will happen! So just enjoy the time you spend together until then!
Post # 5
Well I can at least relax a little bit knowing it won’t be anytime immediate 😂 we were hanging out watching TV tonight and he told me about how he’s still trying to figure out which one to go with and how to do it. He seemed nervous and asked what my preference is, so I know he hasn’t even got the ring yet. It’s so hard to be patient but I’ll just focus on looking forward to a date way further out like you all said 🙂
Post # 6
- Wedding: November 2019 - Queens, NY
I definitely think picking a date further out is a solid strategy and may need to do so myself. I think I’ll choose Halloween of this year, though, as he mentioned a Halloween-time wedding would be really fun. I think it’ll happen before then since he’ll have the ring in 2-3 weeks, but if I focus on Halloween as the date of the proposal then I can continue throwing myself into every possible hobby, book, and video game I can think of in the mean time.
It also helps that we’re buying a house right now, so I can focus on preparing to move and doing what little work our future home will need. A lot of it will be on my shoulders, but the entire down payment came from him so I honestly PREFER that I do the bulk of this work just as a way to show my own investment. Plus I’m much handier than he is because I did a term of AmeriCorps building houses for survivors of a tornado several years ago, so I am the more useful person to have on hand for this kind of thing.
Post # 7
I need to do that. My long-awaited divorce will be final this week and he said he wouldn’t get the ring until I’m divorced. And I can’t imagine that he’ll buy the ring and turn around and give it to me. He’s too much of a planner so I’m in the waiting boat too. If I had to wait until Halloween, Nye, or Valentine’s day, I’d absolutely die. We already have the date set for October 2019, but we’ve agreed not to tell anyone or buy anything until he officially proposes. I don’t want to push everything to the last minute!
Post # 8
I’m focusing on our holiday to NYC in DECEMBER(!) this year…
oh so far away but not beyond the realms of possibility that the wee planner will plan something for then 😬
(even tho the ring should be ready in next week or two – I am taking PPs advice to think of a realistic / potential future date, hard as it is, I don’t want to drive myself crazy / ruin anything either)
Post # 9
Girl I am the same as you.
I love the other suggestions of picking a date further out when you think it’s going to happen and focusing on that.
I am picking mine as the Christmas season. HOWEVER, if it doesn’t happen by then I will push it to my birthday (February). If it doesn’t happen by then I’ll honestly just be a mess because it’s beyond our timeline..
Secretly hoping for something in the fall season as it’s our 4th anniversary and my favourite time of year.
Post # 10
I’m in the same boat and love the idea of setting a date further out in your head! My birthday is tomorrow and while it would be awesome for him to propose, I absolutely know it’s not going to happen. Bummer.
Pick Christmas or something, or even Valentine’s Day of next year, so that way when all of these fun things come up you’re doing together, you just enjoy them. And if he happens to propose before the date in your head, then you’ll actually be surprised! I’m going to do this and aim for Valentine’s Day next year. 🙂
Post # 11
- Wedding: August 2019 - City, State
Great idea to set a far out date!
Honestly, when my Fiance proved to me that I was “ready” to be his wife, I started waiting. I got the urge “is this the moment?!” while out on a date ONCE, and…no proposal. I was destroyed – like waking up on Christmas morning to see nothing under the tree.
Right then, I was like “WOW that sucked! I’m just gonna propose to him, then!” And I did. And he said “Of course!” and it was one of the most exciting moments of my life. You know what they say, if you want something done right, do it yourself. 😉
Post # 12
Haha! I love the suggestion of picking a date in the future! It is really hard though, because I know he has the ring!
I have kept myself distracted by researching venues. We can’t pick anything yet because we’re not “technically” engaged. But I have a gantt chart ready for when he does propose, I just have to put in the start date! I have also made a guest list for the two of us (he did his family, I did mine and we did friends and what family friends we anticipate our parents asking for) We will send it to our parents once we become official! But we had to have the guest list before we could start looking at vendors!
We are going on a trip in September, so I’ll set that in my mind as the “proposal date” and hopefully it will happen before then!
Post # 13
It’s so hard to be patient! Because I know (and love) that he clearly wants to get the right ring, right moment, but I’m also like aghhh who knows how long it could take? He might want to use a family one or get one made and design it together and I’m like aww that’s sweet but so long!! 😛 Oh well maybe I can focus on Christmas like everyone’s saying! That could be fun!