Post # 1
I know that you can’t force anyone to go to counseling (It took me years to go myself!), but how did you suggest to your guy that it might be a good thing?
After talking to Mr. Tiny last night, I realized that he is stressed and insecure about a lot of things. I told him that maybe he should look into counseling, and that we should make an appointment for next week. He kind of nodded and didn’t say anything. I know he’s not into the idea, but is there anything else I can do to encourage him to go?
Also, this isn’t premarital counseling – it’s just counseling in general. He’s hung up on some personal issues and I think it would be best for him to go talk to someone about it instead of just bottling it up inside.
How can I encourage him without being naggy?
Post # 3
I think counseling works best if the persona is willing to go and wants to change. If he’s not at that place yet, he’ll probably just go b/c you want him to and not get anything out of it.
Post # 4
Is he also a student too? Colleges often have councellers available, at my college it was a psychology professor I went and talked to for a while. That may be a little less threatening to him.
Post # 5
@artbee:I agree with that. The first step would be for him to feel soo uncomfortable with his issues that he can’t stand it anymore and HAS to do something to change. Changing is hard. It takes effort. Often, it’s harder than enduring a bad situation that we’re familiar with, because we find comfort in what we know and that’s that. Change usually comes only when the perceived pain is greater that the expected effort required for the change.
So, yeah, sorry, unless he wants to do something about his issues, there’s nothing you can do to make him go. You can only be there for him, and if you reach a point where you feel like there’s nothing that you can do for him for that particular situation, let him know that it is beyond your capacities.
Post # 6
I disagree. While counseling is hard, I think that a lot of people have irrational fears about it, and once they get there and realize it’s not so bad, they change their mind. I don’t think it’s a bad thing to give him a push in the right direction…which it looks like you’re already doing.
Post # 7
@abbyful: Yes, he’s a student too – and our university provides so many great resources and counseling for free!
I guess I’ve done all I can do without forcing him into anything (and I definitely don’t want to do that, because I’ve been there before and resented the whole process). I mentioned that it was up to him and that I will be there if he wants me to be there (in the waiting room before and after), and that he can always cancel the appt. if he wants. We’ll see how if he actually makes an appt. and goes….
Post # 8
@abbyful: I totally agree!! My university had a counseling center that was totally free and anonymous. So many of my friends got the help they needed and it did a lot for them.
I also agree that he has to be at the place where he wants it and knows he needs it. Although, maybe suggesting that he go so that he can have someone to talk and vent to might be a good step to get him there. Going in with that mindset will set him up for realizing that he could really get a lot out of it.