(Closed) How to support my friend’s separation….

posted 7 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
772 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

If you are good friends and hang out, my guess is that she may bring it up herself.  Since you know she is moving back to the states, maybe you can at least talk to her about that and maybe it will open the conversation?   Sometimes people don’t want to discuss it, and won’t tell people at all at first.  They may also be uncertain if this is a trial seperation. 

I had a friend who went through a horrendous divorce, and it was tough trying to anticipate what might upset her.  Ultimately, I just told her to do what she felt comfortable with.   

My policy with people offering to do things was to thank them, then see if they brought it up again.  Was she going to sing a song, in which case your planning can flexibly include her or skip it if she doesn’t want to do it, or was she going to be the band in lieu of a dj/band?


Post # 6
4046 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

Just spend time with, maybe distract her from the situation and do something fun, leave her room to talk about it, and don’t bring up your wedding unless she does. You are a good friend for considering her feelings. Hope everything works out.

Post # 7
2442 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

Don’t offer for her to drop out of the wedding.  At least not until you get a feel for how she is and what her plans are.  She may have been the one to want the separation and may be glad.  My point is that you don’t know so don’t presume.  I suggest you contact her, tell her that you have heard about the separation and that you are checking on her.  Don’t question her.  Don’t presume anything.  Just be there for her.  Let her set the tone.  Of course, if she decides to tell you the whole story, be an ear for her and a shoulder to cry on if necessary.  Check on her every now and then.  More if you feel she needs it.  Don’t unnecessarily bring up your wedding but don’t act like it isn’t happening and when you talk about it, don’t go on and on about it.  I’m thinking she will not associate her marriage with yours anyway but feel her out first.  Most of all, be her friend.  

Post # 8
221 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

I agree with a lot of the prior posts.  The best thing you can do is be a friend and just ask her how she’s doing and be there if she needs you.  I’ve been through a separation and divorce and it is the most emotionally charged time I’ve ever gone through and I don’t think I would have made it through without friends to talk to and spend time with. 

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