(Closed) How to tactfully say… “No, you’re kids aren’t invited.”

posted 8 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
4485 posts
Honey bee

You can’t invite some kids and not others without offending people. At this point, there’s nothing that can be done because folks will think you are playing favorites when you tell them they can’t bring their kids and then see other guests’ kids in attendance.

Post # 4
Member
2767 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2009

tell them you venue has a capacity limit and you can’t break fire code.  

Post # 6
Member
1237 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

Yikes, I think that usually the advice is to be a bit more specific on the invitation, like “Adults-only reception to follow.” I’m not sure how I would handle this, perhaps try to describe that you venue has a limited capacity, and in order to have all of the most special people to you present, you and your fiance decided to keep it adults-only. I’m sure some other bees will have more suggestions, as this seems to be a fairly common problem. Good luck!

Post # 7
Member
2641 posts
Sugar bee

Well to lighten the load do you have some support from Fiance or FMIL (for his friends and family) and your mom for some of her relatives?   Then you can tackle your friends and some cousins.

I would just call them and say, ” Oh I’m so sorry for the confusion/misunderstanding.  We have a pretty tight capacity at Rosebrook Mansion.  So we didn’t add kids to the wedding list.  I’m sorry if that’s an inconvenience.  I hope we can still count on you and Mike to come.”

Post # 9
Member
250 posts
Helper bee

would just call them and say, ” Oh I’m so sorry for the confusion/misunderstanding.  We have a pretty tight capacity at Rosebrook Mansion.  So we didn’t add kids to the wedding list.  I’m sorry if that’s an inconvenience.  I hope we can still count on you and Mike to come.”

 

Good words Tanay ^^^ we had to do the same thing and it worked.   I thought the specific name on the inner envelope was THE CLUE, but obviously it wasn’t just with our guests.

 

Post # 10
Member
2641 posts
Sugar bee

So are you saying you aren’t getting support for “adults only” from your families?

Post # 12
Member
2641 posts
Sugar bee

I’m so sorry.  In my circle it’s so common to have adult only receptions.  NO one has a problem with it. 

You wanna dump your guests and invite my family instead? 🙂

Well def get your aunt to help.  If they question this “new age philosophy” of yours tell them you’ve done a lot of research or have been to weddings, where brides had trouble narrowing down their guestlist (capacity or budget) and facing this problem this was the only way to make sure to include the families of those closest to you both.  (And figured young kiddoes wouldn’t even really be interested.  And if you misjudged that one your “truly sorry but can’t change it at this point”.)

Perhaps to make it up to them, you can make up cute little treat bags for the kids.  And the parents can take them home to them. 

Post # 13
Member
183 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

I know I’m in the minority here but I think it’s fine to have children in the bridal party – or children of those in the bridal party – at the reception but not other guests’ children. Those kids are obviously close to you, so you shouldn’t be made to feel guily about having them there and not children who you might hardly know. I’d just ring the others and say ‘I’m really sorry, but apart from a few exceptions in the bridal party, we really can’t accommodate children. I hope you can still join us’.

Post # 14
Member
2186 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

just blatantly say what one of the other bees worded earlier – im sorry but due to space restrictions, we can NOT accomidate children or extra people. sorry if that dissapoints you but there is nothing we can do at this point. i hope you will still come! 🙂

and leave it at that.

Post # 15
Member
133 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

I agree with @spaganya, tell them you can’t fit the extra people. I think it is fine to invite some children and not others as long as they fall into well defined categories like “children of people in the bridal party” or “children that are actually related to me”, etc.

And for the record, I do NOT understand how they could have misread the RSVP. I think they are rude.

Post # 16
Member
226 posts
Helper bee

I agree with worldfairy, but for a different reason. Bridal party participants play a special role for the couple. Guests have the choice of coming or staying home. Bridal party has made a promise to the couple to stand up for them and inviting their children can help them fulfill this commitment in a number of ways.

The topic ‘How to tactfully say… “No, you’re kids aren’t invited.”’ is closed to new replies.

Find Amazing Vendors