(Closed) How to tactfuly tell ppl they’re not invited

posted 11 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
30388 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

“We couldn’t get the larger church we wanted and have had to move the ceremony to a smaller venue. We are so disappointed but we won’t be able to invite all the people we would love to have had at our wedding. I’m sure you understand.|”

Post # 4
245 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

Don’t bring it up unless they ask. If they ask, tell them that it was just due to a lot of reasons. You decided to have a smaller wedding and that you are so sorry but hope they understand.

Post # 5
3572 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

I would wait for people to bring it up. I’ve been curious about whether or not I was going to be invited to weddings in the past and I would have thought it very unusual if the bride came up to me to explain why I wasn’t going to be getting an invite in advance.

Post # 6
1139 posts
Bumble bee

Just to clarify… did you originally tell these people they would be invited and/or send them save the dates?  Or are you just afraid that they will assume they are invited?

Post # 8
671 posts
Busy bee

We only ran into this a couple of times (mostly thanks to MIL’s big mouth!) and it was before invites went out. (We only sent STDs to the people we *definitely* knew we were inviting.) We would just say “we haven’t finalised the guest list yet but we are pretty limited by space at the venue” and people would generally get the hint 🙂

Post # 9
1300 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

you are fine as long as you didnt do STDs or anything – which you said you havent. just tell people if they ask and arent on the list “we are having a smaller wedding than we planned due to the fact we couldnt book the venue we wanted.” and leave it at that. or just say you are ahving a small intimate wedding with out the explanation.

i would also suggest doing a b-list if you can get away with it.

our venue only holds 120, and my FH and my mom had lists of like 300. we got it down to 160, and only sent STDs to about 80 for sure, then when we did invites we did two rounds, one due about 6 weeks before the wedding and another due like 4 weeks before the wedding. gave us time to get no’s back so we could fill it in with folks we wanted to invite but didnt have room.

Using that method, we are right at about 110! 🙂

Post # 10
91 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

dont bring it up. if they ask, like pp stated, let them know its going to be small so you cant have everyone there.

i had a lot of people say “let me know when you save the date, i would love an invite” after we got engaged. i havent spoken with them since. theyre not invited.

also a tip, try not to post too much stuff on facebook or myspace about the wedding and people wont ask much. they wont even think about it.

Post # 11
979 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

I never really inderstoon announcements. To me, they seem like a slap in the face- “hi we got married but you weren’t invited”. Maybe there is a reason to do them, but I’m not sure what it is.

I think honesty is the best option- just tell people costs required you to downsize and only family and close friends can come, but you really appreciate their enthusiasm!

Post # 13
1486 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2011

I don’t think you need to go out of your way to explain it to anyone.  If someone asks I would explain it just the way the PP mentioned. Edit – I just saw your post, sounds perfect.  I plan on saying something similar when it comes up

@menobride:  Announcements are for people who would be happy to hear you were married  – read: grandparents’ friends, parent’s acquaintances etc.  For example, Fiance & I met in college and were both close with my landlord while we were in school.  We will not be inviting him to the wedding, but I would like to share the news with he and his wife.  if your interested there was a post about it awhile ago.

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