(Closed) How to talk to MIL

posted 4 years ago in Babies
Post # 2
Member
462 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

I would say, wait till you are pregnant and then have dh talk to her and set up some boundaries. Maybe include her in some things and ask for suggestions occasionally to not make her feel left out. But if need be(and it sounds it) you should come up with a big list of rules for when the baby comes. Don’t be afraid to say no and keep repeating it until she hears you. I’m guessing SIL will have your back, what about other members of the family?

If you are daring enough, change your Sat visits to every other Sat no matter how much she throws a fit. start will small boundaries now.

 

Post # 4
Member
24 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: September 2016

Hello, Wow your Mother-In-Law seems very over-bearing. I believe that when she makes those comments… “You’re gonna have to fight me to hold the baby”… That’s when you should respond and say something along the lines like ” Oh you wouldn’t have to worry about me fighting you, because I’m pretty sure I will be so attached to my baby that I wouldn’t want to let anyone hold him/her for a while.” As far as an ” “official” talk with her, I believe your husband should first address his mother, because he may know how to tell his mom to “back off” so to speak, without her getting offended. If that doesn’t work, then girlfriend you may need to be frank with her, respectfully, and tell her that you and your husband appreciates how involved she is, but…. I hope this helps!

Post # 5
Member
2530 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

If you are really worried about “fighting” your Mother-In-Law for your baby and currently don’t feel strong enough to say no then invest in a sling or wrap and bsbywear. Much harder to get hold of them.

I have found that my confidence is starting to grow in this area since having my daughter 5 weeks ago. On Saturday we were at my ILs and there was joking about my SIL running away with her (not serious of course) and my first thought was, you do and I would fight you – even though I knew she was joking. There was a part of me that knew I would do anything to protect her.

Post # 6
Member
339 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

I gotta give you a bit of tough love here – you (and especially your husband) are going to have to put your foot down regarding boundaries. Remember that you guys will have a new, nuclear family that does NOT include your Mother-In-Law. Who cares about pissing her off? She will either choose to be in your lives or not, and that is her decision to make all on her own. You don’t have to be rude about what your boundaries are, but you do have to be direct. She sounds extremely manipulative and uses “feelings” to control you guys – don’t let her continue to manhandle or manipulate you. If you continue to let it happen, she will continue to do it (people will only do what they can get away with, after all). 

 

Post # 7
Member
120 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2017

May I suggest moving far enough away that it will be an effort for visits, but not so far that she would have to sleep over when visiting? 

Lol. All jokes aside, I agree with PatientlyWaitn, maybe your husband could have a preliminary discussion with her, and when you become pregnant I would personaly set the boundaries. Maybe she won’t be quite so aggressive when the time actually comes? Definitely make her feel like you want her part of your family’s life, however she must acknowledge her “place” so to speak. Maybe solicit her opinions on trivial things (ex. what brand of rash cream to buy) so it seems like you value your opinion and hopefully suppress her need for unsolicited opinions, when the time comes.   

Post # 8
Member
9324 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2013

i have similar issues with my mother.  negativity and jealousy.  negativity was always there but the jealousy started when I married Darling Husband. 

jealousy is even worse now that i am pregnant and i can’t imagine what it will be like when baby arrives.

i’ve talked to Darling Husband about it and he said as long it is not stressing me out too much, we will take it as it comes.  as long as Darling Husband and I stand together, i think we can handle it.

i plan to call my mom out next time negativity and jealousy rear their ugly heads and see if i can nip this in the bud before april.

Post # 9
Member
9324 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2013

PS. I’m 15 weeks pregnant, word is spreading around the office.  everyone wants to give their opinions onwhat i should and shouldn’t do.

take it all with a grain of salt.  smile and nod and then do what you want.

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