How to talk to MOH about Bachelorette party planning?

posted 3 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 2
Member
5567 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2017

View original reply
rao4400 :  

you lost me when you said the finances aren’t an issue for her because they make a lot of money and had a big wedding.

Those comments do not go over well on these threads.

You have your Future Sister-In-Law who wants to throw you a party and you have your “maids” who haven’t shown any interest. I would talk to your “maids” and say, hey, so and so is really interested in doing the bachelorette party, have you thought of any ideas or plans? Can Future Sister-In-Law help you?

Your maids aren’t obligated to throw you a party, anyone can put on your bachelorette party if they want to.

Post # 3
Member
5567 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2017

It also could be a matter of convenience. I can’t imagine trying to plan a bachelorette in Texas while living in Canada.

Post # 4
Member
375 posts
Helper bee

They don’t have to throw you a party. If you want one then talk to them and see if they have plans to do one.

Post # 5
Member
588 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2019

My bff knew her sister (MOH) is not a planner, so she roped me and another friend into making sure plans got made. Luckily, Maid/Matron of Honor was very open to all the BMs suggestions and really came through for her sis. I would recommend you ask your close friends to do the same. It’s as easy for them as texting, ‘Hey Sally, is there anything I can do to help you plan rao’s trip? I’m happy to help you out with putting the deposit on our rental/car/airbnb… etc”

Our bride texted us individually and got the OK we could do a trip, and if going to Austin was something we’d be interested in. Nashville and Denver are also fun destinations about halfway between you all, if you need to suggest an alternative to Maid/Matron of Honor. But if you’re set on Austin, tell her that’s where you want the party, and give her a list of things you’d like to do. For my friend, it was paddleboarding the river, Sixth street, a night out in our cowboy boots, and the best tacos in town. 

Post # 6
Member
5886 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: July 2018

Your post makes no sense, you start of ranting about how your Maid/Matron of Honor isn’t planning or talking about your bachelorette and then you continue ranting about you don’t like your MOHs idea for the location – so she is thinking about the party. 

If your account is correct and your wedding is in june then I think you need to relax, that’s quite a while.  People are probably busy right now with the holidays and don’t want to think about a bachelorette so far in the future. 

Post # 7
Member
538 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2018

Here’s what I’d do, next time you talk to your Maid/Matron of Honor say “hey some of the girls have been asking about a bachlorette date because they want to make sure they have enough time to clear their schedules or ask off of work. What were you thinking? Also, X and Y bridesmaids seem interested in helping if you want to reach out to them” After that conversation give it 2 weeks or so and if nothing changes, talk to a bridesmaid that you’re extra close with that has an interest in planning the bachlorette and tell her you don’t think your Maid/Matron of Honor is taking the lead and was wondering if she’d like to help you.

Post # 8
Member
251 posts
Helper bee

Is Future Sister-In-Law a bridesmaid? If so, just have her send a group text to the other bridesmaids saying “Hey, I’ve been think about the bachelorette party. Here are some of my ideas.” If she is not a bridesmaid, and doesn’t know any of the other bridesmaids, I would text the bridesmaids and just say “FSIL has offered to host and help plan the bachelorrette party! Is it okay if I give her everyone’s number so she can get with yall about dates and ideas?” There’s no rule that the Maid/Matron of Honor has to throw the bachelorette. 

I got a little confused on your Vent Section and couldn’t really follow who lived where or where you Maid/Matron of Honor wanted you to have the party. But if you have the party in Texas, would you be able to host everyone so they don’t have to pay for hotel rooms in addtion to flights? I know you say money isn’t an issue, but you really don’t know that. They are probably already having to take off work, and depending on what your plans on, the costs could add up.

Post # 9
Member
5082 posts
Bee Keeper

You don’t talk to her. 

You only get a bachelorette if someone wants to throw you one and offers.  She is not obligated to, nor is she obligated to plan it in the way you would like.  Your role in this is if she is offering a party that you are not agreeable to (i.e. she wants to throw you a party in Ontario and you want a party in Texas), then you are free to decline her offer to throw the party.  You then wait and hope someone else is willing to offer to throw you a party.

If you have someone else who wants to throw you one, by all means that person should feel free to offer and then you can accept (i.e. you don’t approach them to ask if they will plan you a party).  If they wish, that person can talk to the Maid/Matron of Honor to see if she wants to cohost on that event since it sounds like the Maid/Matron of Honor may be finding hosting this event on their own is a little burdensome based on your post.  Or that person can reach out to the Maid/Matron of Honor on the presumption that she still plans to go through with her previous offer to plan something and ask if your Maid/Matron of Honor would like some help and a cohost.  Your bridesmaids are adults presumably – if they are confused about what is happening they can contact her themselves or ask for her contact information if they aren’t otherwise friends with her.  But you?  You stay out of it until someone asks for your input or presents you with an offer to accept/refuse.

Post # 10
Member
534 posts
Busy bee

Okay, well it makes zero sense to have a bachelorette in a whole other country where the bride is from (unless it’s a destination wedding or a bachelorette vacation trip). Apart from the destination wedding/vacation trip scenario I would never pay air fare just to attend someone’s Bachelorette, no matter how close I am to the bride or how wealthy I am. Itis more convenient for your bridesmaids to fly to you. So I understand your grievience there.

 

On a side note, people are in Christmas mode now and believe me, nobody wants to think about planning a bachelorette at this time of the year. Just wait until after Christmas and New years. I disagree with PP that June is too far away to start planning. June is one of the most popular times of the year for a wedding and unless you want to have a party in a basement or someone’s house, you have to act quickly to ensure that a bachelorette venue is booked. Communicate this with your Maid/Matron of Honor. In my area, venues are booked months in advance. People also need to know when the event is going to be held, so that they can book their tickets/schedules and request time off. Once you have done that, everything else should be smooth sailing.

Post # 12
Member
573 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

I think you’re too emotionally involved in this.  If I were you  I would drop caring about it so much- because what is it really? A party. If someone wants to give you this party then they will and they will work it out.

It is wonderful you were such a good friend a number of times and moved mountains to organize and be there for your friends’ bachelorette parties.  But we do things for friends to be Giving not because we want and expect things in return. 

Suggestion- take all this emotional energy and channel it into your Fiance and preparing for your marriage and new family.

Post # 13
Member
9893 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

View original reply
palebluepetals :  

What you just said, exactly. Really not worth all this angst, it’s just a party for heaven’s sake. 

 

Post # 14
Member
104 posts
Blushing bee

Hey girl, I can see that some other bees aren’t responding how you might have imagined they would, so I’m here with another perspective. I can see that you’re a planner and I think you just want to know that the wheels are in motion for this.

I think you should at least wait until the first week of Jan is over before you ask how the plans are coming along. These people are right – nobody is thinking about planning ANYTHING right now while Christmas break is happening! I also don’t necessarily think you should have to travel for your own bachelorette party, and I think if you explain that it’ll be tough to get the time off work, she’ll figure out a way to plan something local for you.

Anyway, when you do have the conversation (in a week or so), just tell her you have some friends who need to know the plan by the start of Feb – or whatever time frame you want to give – so that they can make travel arrangements and get time off work, etc.

Anyway, I know how antsy you’re feeling. Just remember it’s still early – give her a chance! 🙂

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