Post # 1
Anything about sex and what’s pleasures me.
I am so tired of trying to explain gently. Tried the hand holding, showing him, doing it first and showing him how then letting him try. He just doesn’t get it. And it’s to the point I just want him to get out of the way and let me take care of myself (which he loves By The Way and has no issues with). But I have issues with it, I want HIM to get me off. He doesn’t seem to get the different techniques with touch, kissing, stroking etc. It’s always the same thing, same spots, same touch, same circles. I joke about it, but I am frustrated. “Baby, it’s not a radio tuner, don’t just keep tuning it the same way”, Baby, the plinger effect just isn’t working, can you try osomething a bit slower, faster, softer, harder whatever”.
He’s willing, totally willing, whcich is so awesome, However, I just don’t know how to teach him what I like. I show him by doing it to him, he just gets crazy hot and forgets everyhting, including to breathe some days lol.
So fellow Bee’s…what can I use as a tool to help him learn (FYI, porn isn’t an option) Books? How to videos? Should I write him a playbook (only slightly kidding here!) I mean I learned all my tricks and such via smutty romance novels and cosmomagazine lol. Is there a guy version of cosmo anwhere?
Post # 3
No reason to have a guy version. I actually was just watching something this morning about how women are asking their men to read the same smutty books to learn something- to learn romance and techniques.
Maybe highlight a few passages and ask him to read those if he isnt willing to read the whole book.
Post # 4
How about stop joking? Just be like babe… move his hand down further and say now go, yes- like that. Oh yeah, harder… be explicit in your words… (leave the jokes out…)
Post # 5
Fiance reads my cosmo from time to time… maybe if you show your Fiance an article you find interesting he’ll read it and learn from it 😉
Post # 6
Haha, when I read that title I was thinking “Just show him!”, but obviously you already tried that..
If he gets too hot in the moment, maybe you could try drawing it on paper and try teaching him in a non-sexual environment? And explain to him what you said in the post, that you’d really like it if he’d do it and not leave it up to you.
I’m sure that’s really frustrating, but at least he’s open to getting suggestions! 🙂
Post # 7
I second vmec. Jokes need to stop. You don’t have to be mean. Just direct. There is nothing wrong with being sensitive to how he would feel about being corrected, but if you’re too gentle he might not catch on. Sometimes you really just have to say, “that doesn’t feel good. Could you do this instead?”
Post # 8
Thanks for the advice. For the record, I don’t joke all the time, I often ask or move him to what I want. But I also don’t want to be a nag, so I use humour as a gentle reminder for him to what he’s doing (as he gets a bit distracted sometimes lol).
Maybe I will start buying Cosmo again…
Post # 9
@TakeTheReins: Maybe Maxim or something like that? Men’s Health? I’ve stolen my husband’s sometimes to browse and they usually have sex tips and such like Cosmo.
Agree with PPs to just be direct. Most guys are clueless and only know things from friends or porn. I remember some fun Cosmo-type tricks that could go over well, like spelling out the alphabet with his tongue and such. Be glad that he’s eager to learn 🙂
Post # 10
Do you make it known that he’s doing something you don’t like? I guess what I mean is – he does ‘A’ but you don’t like ‘A’ so you correct him. But he continues to do ‘A’. Do you then go with it? Or do you make it known that ‘A’ is giving you no pleasure?
I’m only asking cause my guy wasn’t getting a couple things for a while and I would correct him and he would keep doing it and I would just go with it. I finally put my foot down, so to speak, and I stopped “going with it.” He started to notice I wasn’t enjoying things, I again let him know what worked for me and TADAH! all fixed. 🙂
Outside of the bedroom, have you asked him why he keeps doing things you don’t like? Doesn’t have to be an attack. Just a healthy question if approached appropriately.
Post # 11
Stop telling jokes and talk about it outside of the bedroom. It’s not as if either of these things are generally not conducive to good sex, but they are clearly not working for you two.
Sit him down, and be firm but not harsh. Say that you’re having problems with communication in the bedroom, and it’s a major bummer for you emotionally and physically.
Get REALLY specific. Like, “I really don’t like it when you use the tip of your finger. Please never do that again. Use the pad of your finger instead.” And then show him the difference. (Not on your clit, but on your finger.) You can also point out the difference between a hard and soft tongue, describe different motions that you would like, or anything you want.
Do NOT bring Cosmo, Maxim, Men’s Health, and the like into it. The sex parts of magazines like that are profoundly unhelpful for most people. They’re mostly there to reassure and titillate – and thus sell more magazines – not to educate. They also tend to ignore issues like queerness, kinkiness (actual kinks, versus “tie a scrunchy around his thingy!”), disability, and hey – awkward problems like yours that don’t fit into a snappy 200-word article or 30-point list.
Books and movies are a great idea – but then again movies may not be a great idea, because it seems like he doesn’t learn well when he’s being visually stimulated.
One nice collection: the “Sed Ed” links from Tristan Taormino’s website (near the bottom of the page): http://puckerup.com/community/links/
And as claireos said, at some point you may need to point out that he keeps doing things after you’ve asked him not to, which in my opinion seems a bit off… provided that you have been explicit about it.
Post # 12
Have you looked at http://www.sexinfo101.com it could give him the tips that he needs.
Post # 13
Like the other bees suggested no jokes, tell him exactly what and how you want to be touched … It will probably turn the both of you on. Goodluck !
Post # 14
You could also try writing him a very explicit letter. That way, you can be specific and tell him how you crave being touched a certain way.
One of the reasons I prefer older men is they have always been much better lovers in my experience. My husband is nearly a decade my senior and I have never had to teach him anything.
Post # 15
Just a reminder to check the date of the post. The OP has not been active on WeddingBee for 11 months.
Post # 16
Thanks. I didn’t look. I just saw a recent post and decided to contribute.