(Closed) How to tell a bride you're not going to bachelorette party?

posted 4 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 2
Member
1603 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

Stand your ground and say no. If you can’t afford it, you can’t afford it. Attending a bachelorette is not a requirement. You can offer to take her out for dinner at some point before the wedding as a peace offering if you want. 

Post # 3
Member
2039 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

“Sorry. I can’t afford a trip to Vegas this year.” End of story.

Post # 4
Member
330 posts
Helper bee

Just be firm. You’re not obligated to attend a bachelorette. You might also consider offering to pay for a round of drinks or similar when the bachelorette is going on in Vegas, or as PP mentioned take her out for dinner afterwards.

Post # 5
Member
1359 posts
Bumble bee

I couldn’t afford that and would have no trouble saying, “I’m sorry, I can’t afford that.” That should be the end of the discussion. If she really wants to press it, that’s terrible on her part. 

When I haven’t been able to attend a bachelorette in the past, I’ve always sent along a crisp $100 for a round of drinks in a card with the bride or another bridesmaid. 

Post # 6
Member
640 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2017

View original reply
eagleandimgone :  Some brides just think that their wedding and parties surrounding the wedding are the most important things in the world. Just tell her no.

Post # 7
Member
1996 posts
Buzzing bee

Im so sorry, but I won’t be able to make your Bach party. I’d love to take you out for a drink at (bar in your town) when you have a free weekend to celebrate and hear all about the trip! 

Give a cute little gift before she goes and call it a day. If she  expects you to make unwise financial choices to attend HER party then she’s a sucky friend. Apologize, make new plans, and move on. If she pushes back or pouts, don’t respond.

Post # 8
Member
722 posts
Busy bee

Just be firm and say, “sorry but I still don’t think I can afford it. I have been in a pinch lately. Have fun on your bachelorette party!”

It is not like she will be pointing gun at you so you book ticket.

Post # 10
Member
688 posts
Busy bee

View original reply
eagleandimgone :  If it’s not that expensive and only a couple days she can pay for it. 👍🏼 Otherwise, she needs to back off and respect that it is too much for you, and it’s your prerogative not to go for whatever reason. 

Post # 11
Member
2574 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2017

View original reply
eagleandimgone :  I think the time off is a moot point. Don’t mention it anymore. Just stick to the cost. 

Post # 12
Member
4227 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2015 - Hotel Ballroom

I was sort of in this situation when it came to SIL’s bachlorette way back when. The issue wasn’t the money, it was that she invited this one person who I KNOW it’s mutually impossible for them and I to be civil towards one another (LOTS of bad blood…really long story…this also took place when I was younger and admittedly less mature). I opted to not go to the party as this was her friend, and I wanted to keep the peace. She was dissapointed, but I stood my ground and kept reminding her WHY me and this person couldn’t socially mix, and that I didn’t want to ruin her night OR make her feel like she had to choose between us – as I was simply (and politely) removing myself from the situation before there was a problem.

She eventually understood. Your friend will too.

Post # 13
Member
1188 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2017

No offense to anyone who is doing this, but insisting on a big, blow-out bachlorette weekend is so crazy to me.  Really, you need everyone else to celebrate you by spending thousands on a vacation and pay for you as well?  If she wants you there that badly she can pay for you herself.  Otherwise she needs to realize not everyone can afford to just jet off to Vegas on a whim.

Post # 14
Member
828 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2017

No is a complete answer. 

Post # 15
Member
1996 posts
Buzzing bee

View original reply
eagleandimgone :  girl don’t you show her your bank statements! Whether you have the money and don’t want to spend it on this trip, or don’t have the money is a moot point. You’re NOT obligated to go on this girls trip at your own expense. You said you can’t go, she needs to drop it! You don’t have to prove your financial standings to her.

Don’t let her push you around- you said you couldn’t go and she needs to accept it. She sounds like a sucky friend, TBH. 

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