(Closed) How to tell a bride you're not going to bachelorette party?

posted 5 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 16
Member
1409 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

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eagleandimgone :  Sounds like you’ve already told her.  More than once.  Now just stick to your guns.

Post # 17
Member
612 posts
Busy bee

The equivocating is hurting your cause. I’d just RSVP no. Tell her you’re bummed to miss it and hope they have a great time.

Post # 18
Member
45 posts
Newbee

Don’t show your bank statements, if this girl is really your friend she needs to understand you said “No, I cannot due to financial reasons.” Once it’s actually planned and everyone is arranging things, make sure you tell whoever is booking rooms that you cannot attend.

I’ve read suggestions in previous threads similar to this that you can (if able) have a bottle of champagne in the hotel suite for her and the girls, or some nice treat (like chocolate covered strawberries) or something else.

Otherwise I think inviting the bride out for dinner separately would be great! That means more time with her friends! I would love that 🙂

Post # 19
Member
1829 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2018

You don’t have to prove anything to her. If she’s a good friend she should understand that when you say you can not go, you can not go. Do NOT show her your bank statements. 

“I can not go. I’m sorry this upsets you, I will not put myself into debt over a party. This is the end of the discussion.” 

Post # 20
Member
216 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2013

I’ve had to pass on a bach party. She decided she wanted to go to wine country for a 3 day weekend.

Plane/hotel/tour costs made it impossible for me to afford it. Schooling and work would not allow me to attend.

She eventually understood that I really wasn’t going when she asked me who I would like to room with. Before this I had repeatedly told her I wasn’t going. Bride was disappointed- but I wasn’t willing to take out a loan like she had suggested.

It’s tough- saying no to friends- but you’ve still got to look out for your own well-being (and money too!) Stay strong and just continue saying no- you’ve already explained reasons.

Post # 21
Member
1736 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

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eagleandimgone :  I would decline, yet again, and explain that you are not in a position to spend the money and take the time off work. I hope as your friend, she can understand. As a bridesmaid, your only job is to buy a dress and show up to the wedding. You didnt promise a weekend in Vegas. Personally, if that were something one of my friends were doing, I would have to decline all of them, even my Maid/Matron of Honor. I get very little time off work as it is.

Post # 22
Member
682 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

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AllAboutThatBass :  the bride suggested you take out a loan ? What planet do these people live on that’s nuts 

Post # 23
Member
178 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2016

Im sure you were joking about the bank statement, but sometimes it feels like you actually need to prove your telling the truth, even with your friends, I actualyl did send a friend a screenshot of my bank balance once when she was asking for something I couldnt afford.  She should just accept that you cannot afford it and understand that her wedding is not something you would go into debt over, Most of my girls couldnt afford anything crazy so we just went out for dinner and came back to my house and drank, It was fun and it saved everyone a ton of money!

Post # 24
Member
216 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2013

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londonchick :  lol- yes she did!

She was from a very wealthy family so money may not have meant the same to her as to me (she spent- I saved; or tried to).

She was the first to get married as well out of our group- so she was all about the ‘go big or go home’ type vibe. No one had done this sort of thing and she thought it had to be big and extravagent.

Post # 25
Member
682 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

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AllAboutThatBass :  hopefull she’s more grounded now. I could never imagine asking someone to take out a loan 🙈

Post # 26
Member
4775 posts
Honey bee

Don’t show her your bank statements and don’t tell her you can’t afford it.  1) it’s none of her business, 2) it doesn’t matter if you can afford it – you still have the right to budget your money how you see fit even if you have tons of spare cash burning a hole in your pocket.  As for leave, even if you could convince them for the time off,  most people don’t get unlimited leave and that too is something you’re allowed to budget for at your discretion for what you like. 

She strikes me as the type who would scrutinize every penny you spend from now until the wedding to prove you really could afford it and then come here to post about how unsupportive you are because you bought yourself new shoes or went out to dinner, proving you really could go to Vegas.

Simply tell her no.  If she pushes,  tell her you understand she is disappointed and you are sorry for that,  but you find the badgering and arguing about your own time and finances to be disrespectful.

Post # 27
Member
41 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: January 2017

She is being rude, don’t feel bad or pressured! I’ve totally understood, my best friend had an unexpected situation arise, and won’t be able to attend our vegas wedding. My response “It is fine! No worries, things happen and we can celebrate before or after!”

Post # 28
Member
3100 posts
Sugar bee

“I’m sorry, I won’t be able to make the trip to Vegas. Have a marvelous time, though!”.

I don’t think you owe her explanations about your budget, expenses, or even amount of vacation time from work.  Brides need to realize when they opt for out-of-town or destination bachelorette parties, not all their friends and bridesmaids will be able to attend.  

Post # 29
Member
9188 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

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eagleandimgone :  if she’s that pushy don’t even JOKE to her about seeing your bank statement. You could have $100k sitting in your checking account and if the trip isn’t in YOUR budget then it’s not in your budget. It’s not up to her to decide what she thinks you can/should want to afford. 

Post # 30
Member
974 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

She’s being a selfish zilla. Just say no and refuse to discuss it anymore. Don’t text/call/email her back. Just keep on keeping on. I’d also seriously question any friendship where someone thinks it’s acceptable to take out a loan to go to what’s basically a fucking party. She’ll probably be upset that there will be one less person to pay her way all night but she’ll get over it. 

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