(Closed) How to tell a bridesmaid no to a dress without being bridezilla

posted 7 years ago in Dress
Post # 17
Member
2953 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

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BizzyBeeBuzz15:  I would be straightforward as soon as possible so she has a chance to return it. Like others have said, providing examples of the looks you like would probably really help her and be an olive branch.

Post # 18
Member
1641 posts
Bumble bee

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BizzyBeeBuzz15:  Hm.. Well you can’t really change how a person is. Maybe, taking care to not say this out of anger, just say “I know you love this dress but it’s really too much for the rest of the bridal party look. I’d really appreciate it if you got a different dress, at least for the pictures. This is my wedding and it means a lot to me.”

Some people don’t listen to reason. Give it a shot?

Post # 19
Member
198 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

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BizzyBeeBuzz15:  I totally relate. There is one friend in particular that is pretty much the reason for me saying “run the dress past me first.” She’s gorgeous but she has a very flashy style and our wedding is more of a nature based low key affair. I think I would just tell her point blank, you’re not being a bridezilla and you understand she loves the dress but it’s just very flashy and won’t fit the feel of the wedding. I would maybe smooth it over by offering to go with her maybe if you can?

Post # 20
Member
1782 posts
Buzzing bee

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BizzyBeeBuzz15:  You don’t have to line the dresses up to show her anything. You don’t have to explain yourself. You have the complete right to say no.

Post # 21
Member
291 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2015 - country club in Michigan

I would avoid calling her out in front of all the other girls. Thats just mean, and hurtful to do in in front of other people. Saying “everyone else did good but you” isn’t a nice thing to say to someone in front of others. 

 

Just tell her one on one that the bling/sequins wont work–you meant a plain dress of a certain color, and you will happily go shopping with her again. Blame yourself a little so she doesn’t feel attacked–e.g. “ugh I am sorry I wasn’t really clear! What I actually meant was….and I can go shopping with you again, just so you don’t waste your time buying something that wont work, since I know your being awesome and going out of your way to be a bridesmaid for me” 

Post # 22
Member
1782 posts
Buzzing bee

Just say “Friend, I’m firm on this. I know you like this dress, but it’s just not fitting my vision, and I don’t want you wearing it for the wedding. You look wonderful in it, but that’s not the point. I will help you find a suitable replacement. But I’m afraid I will not bend on this.”

Post # 26
Member
2655 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

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BizzyBeeBuzz15:  You asked them to have the same color and material and she did neither. Just tell her she has to match

I would say NOTHING about her dress being a little WOW ( even if youthink it is) obviously she is wanting to stand out but as a bridesmaid having the dress dictated comes with the territory. If it doesnt match it doesnt match and she can feel free to wear it as a guest. 

Post # 27
Member
392 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

I would just tell her that the dress doesn’t fit in with the other three dresses.  Give her the solution at the same time.  That is how they tell you to bring up things in business (haha), you tell the problem by giving the solution ๐Ÿ™‚  I definitely don’t think you are asking too much and by the way you described it, I would say it is too much off the bat.  The whole sheer panel and thigh is already a no in my book ๐Ÿ™‚

Post # 28
Member
66 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

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BizzyBeeBuzz15:  I agree with somethingbee; it seems far more respectful of her and also far more likely to have the outcome you want, to simply sit her down in private and be as direct as possible so she can’t brush you off like she did the first time. 

You have been beyond reasonable, letting them choose their own dresses with only colour/length guidlines (neither of which she adhered to, sheer to the ground over a shorter skirt is not appropriate for coordinating with the other bridesmaids) and that she run it by you, which she didn’t. You have come up with a great comrpomise, which is that she wear yoru sample dress for pictures, so she doesn’t need to spend more money, and can change into the dress she loves after.

If she wears the dress in front of the others, there is a significant chance she will not see the error of her dress pick (particularly as she already ignnored your requests and brushed you off when you expressed your concern) and then you will have to be direct with her after the other girls seeing her dress pick. This scenario would have the other maids know that you forced her to wear a different dress which might be somewhat more awkward for her.

So I would definitely go with the direct approach! Good luck ๐Ÿ™‚

Post # 30
Member
1073 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

That is great news! So glad it all worked out. 

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