Post # 1
Member
31 posts
Newbee
Our wedding party is on the small side – just 2 bridesmaids and 2 groomsmen.
However, one of my bridesmaids has kind of fallen on tough times recently. She’s been put on disability leave from work, and because of the cut in her pay, she may lose her house. She’s also been having some psychological issues and has been taking some medication and seeking treatment for that.
She doesn’t really have the money to buy a dress, and I told her I’d cover that for her, but she’s adamant that she pays for it herself – although she still hasn’t bought one (or even looked for one as far as I know – I told her it didn’t matter what she wore as long as it was some shade of purple – so I’m not making my bridesmaids wear super expensive dresses or anything).
I’ve told her multiple times that I COMPLETELY understand if this is too much for her right now, and she doesn’t have to be in the wedding if she feels overwhelmed. She keeps insisting that she wants to be there for me.
I feel really guilty though, and the more I think about it, the more I think I should just roll with 1 bridesmaid. I don’t know how to tell her “no” though… can I even do that at this point?
What would you ladies do?
Post # 3
Member
9838 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
I would insist on paying for her dress, I wouldn’t drop her, ever. She hasn’t done anything wrong.
Post # 4
Member
786 posts
Busy bee
You don’t drop her, she is being a stand up friend that still wants to honor you on your day even though she’s fallen on rough times. You tell her/make her go shopping with you and tell her too bad if she won’t let you buy anything for her.
Post # 5
Member
2195 posts
Buzzing bee
You should just go and buy the dress, or just insist on planning a day to go together and buy it.
I don’t know why you would want to drop her, if you were friends before the wedding then you should still be friends regardless of financial situations.
Post # 6
Member
31 posts
Newbee
I was thinking about just buying the dress for her and giving it to her and saying ‘Too bad! I already did it!’..but she’s pretty prideful – I’m afraid she’d be angry with me if I did that behind her back.
I really don’t want to drop her – I just felt really guilty for putting her in this position. 🙁 I was trying to help her out by telling her not to worry about it.. but I see your points about keeping her in the party. Thanks 🙂
Post # 8
Hostess
7547 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
I agree with the PPs, take her shopping and insist that you pay.
Post # 9
Member
9209 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
I would talk to her and let her know how much she means to you and how important it is to you to have her by your side on your wedding day.
If she is prideful maybe loan her the money for the dress rather than paying for it. Let her know that she can pay it back when she is back on her feet.
Post # 10
Member
665 posts
Busy bee
no dont drop her, just roll with it. she will let you know if it’s too much for her. suggest at the time you are shopping for the dress that you would like this to be a gift from you to her. tell her it is important to you that she is with you on your special day and they last thing you want is for it to stress her out.
Post # 11
Member
611 posts
Busy bee
@j_jaye: “
If she is prideful maybe loan her the money for the dress rather than paying for it. Let her know that she can pay it back when she is back on her feet.”
That’s a great suggestion.
Post # 12
Member
327 posts
Helper bee
you should not drop her as he will feel dejected. you should buy the dress for both of the bridesmaids so she doesnt fele like she do it for her only.
Post # 13
Member
657 posts
Busy bee
Just take her out to lunch or breakfast one day and say, ” I think you need a girls day or something to get your mind off of things.” What girl can say no to lunch with her best gal friend? Then, take her shopping. Just say I understand that you don’t want me to buy your dress but you have been there for me, let me return the favor.
Don’t ever drop her, you obviously care for her deeply to ask her to stand in your wedding so I think you already know that you dont want to drop her.
