(Closed) How to tell a family member their special needs daughter is not invited…

posted 7 years ago in Etiquette
  • poll: How would you handle this?
    Sit down and talk with her. : (80 votes)
    53 %
    Send one invite to her&husband, then a second invite to her other kids. : (2 votes)
    1 %
    Other. (Explain!) : (70 votes)
    46 %
  • Post # 107
    Member
    1812 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: February 2012

    @JoJoDahling:  Glad you got some feedback that Fiance and yourself could use.  I have two cousins who also have special needs, we had big worries about violence and public nudity from both of them, but it was important for me to let them know that I wanted them to be part of the day.   My mother spoke to the parents (I live far away and wasn’t able to face to face), to see what their triggers were (She works with adults with various levels of mental capabilities and with a range of special needs).  For them to know that they were able to leave the church as they wished if the girls got uncomfortable, without drawing a lot of attention, knowing that the seats reserved in the reception were not with their back to other chairs, and where a quiet room was available just in case the girls needed a time out really helped them.  Having them there was an honour.

    Post # 108
    Member
    808 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: May 2014

    @JoJoDahling:  I am so happy that you have read and taken a lot of what the people who live/love/care/teach for their child/sibling/parent/adult to heart….

    I can not stress enough the importance of educating people (“normal people”)….

    People with extra needs are no different than you or I….

    They need someone who will love/care about/care for/support/teach them…They just see and learn things a little differently. In some cases, they can be in their own WORLD…and we are the ones that need to learn to adapt if we want to be apart of it…

    I hope you and your Fiance continue to educate yourselves and possibly even form a realationship with your niece…she might suprise you 

    Good luck with it all xxxx

    Post # 109
    Member
    1446 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: May 2012

    Nevermind, not worth it. You are truly awesome for taking everyone’s advice to heart.

    Post # 111
    Member
    39 posts
    Newbee
    • Wedding: May 2013

    @JoJoDahling:  Op, since you seem interested in educating yourself, this is a link to the Council for Exceptional Children, where you can find articles and resources to help you develop a better understanding.

    CEC

    Post # 112
    Member
    561 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: November 1999

    @MissCrinoline:  @JoJoDahling  Also google an organisation called FriendsofQuinn for some inspirational stories.

    Post # 113
    Member
    13787 posts
    Honey Beekeeper
    • Wedding: November 1999

    I would not invite any of the kids.  There is no polite way to exclude one child without looking discriminatory and like the special needs child isn’t worthy of attending the wedding.  I’m sorry if that’s harsh, but if I were the mother, I would be extremely upset and offended if 3 of my 4 children were invited.  Either invite none of the kids, or all of them, but you could sit down with the mother ahead of time and suggest that some of all of the children stay home with a sitter so they don’t disrupt the wedding for everyone around them.

    Post # 114
    Member
    115 posts
    Blushing bee

    Just invite the parents. You cannot just invite the other kids. That’d be SO very hurtful. Please don’t do that. If i were asked not to bring my one child just because of her disability I wouldn’t come to your wedding at all. 

    Post # 115
    Member
    2114 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: November 2012

    Everything I would have said has been said already – by some very wise bees. What I  would like to add is that the term “deaf-mute”is not only inaccurate but offensive. 

    The topic ‘How to tell a family member their special needs daughter is not invited…’ is closed to new replies.

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