How to tell a friend that their significant other is not invited

posted 5 months ago in Guests
Post # 2
68 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: May 2020

I feel like you’re going to get a lot of aggressive comments being like how dare you not invite him because he’s your friend’s SO and they come as a package etc. etc. (at least that’s how people respond on wedding *eye roll*)

I don’t agree with those types of comments. You can easily explain this by saying “we’re choosing to have a small intimate wedding with only the people who we’ve been close with or had a significant impact on our lives.”

Post # 3
6320 posts
Bee Keeper

Personally I would cross this bridge later. Who knows if they will even be together? Or maybe they’ll up and get married and have a kid by the time your wedding rolls around. Would you still not invite him?

Post # 4
2548 posts
Sugar bee

He’s not really a plus 1…he’s her SO and they should be invited together.  Plus, she is flying in, so it would be nice for her to have him there for travel and splitting hotels costs, etc.

But do what you have to do, I would just be prepared for her to be upset.  And if they ever do get married, I hope you aren’t offended when she doesn’t invite your Husband.

Post # 5
212 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2017

I agree with Jelly. It’s a year away. They could be long broken up by then. You could also say that you have a really tight guest list and that you’re trying to only give plus 1s to engaged and married couples. Doesn’t sound like they have been together for too long.

Post # 6
95 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: November 2019 - Philadelphia, PA

I’m not going to be one of those aggressive commentors and of course it’s your wedding to do with as you please. But what I will say is her relationship is her relationship. If she just started dating him then I would say in a kind way you are not doing plus ones. But if she has been dating him awhile (regardless of your feelings for him), I would add him. I say this because I was a plus one that was put on the backburner until more important invites were declined. It was my fiance’s good friend. I was livid and thought it was extremely rude. I vowed to never do that for my wedding. I also would not judge until I met the guy. There’s always two sides to a story and you really just never know. I honestly don’t think it’s worth the drama that will come with it but that’s just me. 

Post # 7
71 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: May 2019

If this person is your friend, then give her a plus 1. SHE can choose who she wants to bring (or if she wants to come solo). I did this with some of my friends if I didn’t know their SO. (One of my friends chose to bring her friend instead of her husband because her husband hates weddings! LOL)

If you don’t give her a plus 1, then you should be consistent with how your are inviting your other guests (and explain that to her).

Post # 8
435 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2018

I had a friend that would have had to fly for my wedding and was going to bring the guy she was seeing, all I said was no problem, he can totally come to the city, and make it a vacation, but for the wedding it will only be people we have met. I just had to be upfront and honest, she didn’t come, I understood.

Post # 9
9384 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

Uhhh you don’t. It would be incredibly rude to expect your friend to FLY to your wedding and not allow her to bring a guest.

Post # 10
9610 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2016

You can do what you want but be prepared for your friend to be upset and possibly not come at all. 

Post # 11
743 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2019 - City, State

mcsauve :  I agree with PP’s that you should wait to deal with this until closer to the wedding. If they are still together then, you will be denying your friend who is flying from however far away a guest for your wedding, which is a bit rude an unfair.

I would take a different stance if the wedding was local for your friend, but because she is flying in and will have potentially been dating this person for over a year, they should be included. I understand you do not respect him, but you should respect your friend and her feelings.

Will you be upset if she then decides not to come to your wedding? Because by telling her that he is not welcome she may decide not to attend at all. As well, if they are still together, they will have been so for over a year, and it could end your friendship, or at the very least alter it permanently. You have to decide if it is worth ending your friendship over.

Post # 12
793 posts
Busy bee

mcsauve :  I would have no problem telling a friend I don’t want her gang member boyfriend at my wedding. My friend could chose to attend alone, or not at all. 

Post # 13
1983 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2016 - Sussex, UK

bearinabeecostume :  “claims he was once in a gang”, yeah I mean he doesn’t sound like the best catch but the only reason I can see for that is him being on dating sites.

Post # 14
3421 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2017 - City, State

Just be prepared to graciously accept her decision to not attend your wedding if you intend on going through your plan.

Post # 15
248 posts
Helper bee

Yes, you are being rude.  I echo pps that you will need to be prepared for her not to come to your wedding.  And if you tell her why he is not invited, and she ends up marrying this guy, you will need to expect you will not be invited to their wedding.  You may not approve, but her relationship does not need your approval.  You haven’t even met him, therefore your feelings seems awfully strong.  It sounds like you would be inviting her boyfriend if he were anyone else, so invite him.  

Additionally – any good friend you are asking to fly in for your wedding should be invited with a plus one.

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