(Closed) How to tell a guest they don't get to bring a plus 1

posted 6 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
963 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

@jothecatlady:  If your Fiance already told him yes, it’s going to be hard to go back and tell him no without hurting feelings. This friend may have even already invited his Girlfriend to the wedding, so uninviting her would be rude.

In this situation, I would let this girl come since your Fiance told his friend she could, but I would not let any extra +1s or kids come along. Anytime someone adds a person to the RSVP, call them and stick to your guns about not having space for more people. Make sure you Fiance understands this too.

Post # 4
Member
2106 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

“Unfortunately, [friend’s name], cost is not the only reason we are restricting our guest count. I hope you can respect our wishes and I know you’ll have a wonderful time.” If you feel really bad you can explain how you have to be consistant or else you’ll have 20 extra people. You don’t have to add that though. 

Post # 6
Member
963 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

@jothecatlady:  Ohh okay. I misunderstood then. In that case, I think @MrsBroccoli:  has a good response. You don’t need to go into more details, just repeat “I’m sorry, that won’t be possible” until he gives up.

Post # 7
Member
3265 posts
Sugar bee

Your first mistake was discussing your finances as a reason why they couldn’t invite a guest of their own.

Memorize this line. “I’m sorry, but that won’t be possible”  You do not owe these people an explanation.  THEY are the ones being rude.

No matter what they say just keep repeating “I’m sorry that won’t be possible”

Them: Can I bring along my new skank? She loves weddings.

You: I’m sorry, that won’t be possible”

Them: But she loves weddings, and she will sit on my lap the whole time so won’t even take up a chair”

You: I’m sorry, that won’t be possible”

Them: I will pay for her meal

You: I’m sorry, that won’t be possible”

Them:  But we are surgically attached at the hip and don’t do anything without her.

You: I’m sorry, that won’t be possible, gotta go, the cat’s on fire”

 

Post # 8
Member
817 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

@andielovesj:  I agree with your post. It is the easiest way to handle the situation. Planning a wedding is so stressful! People need to respect what we can and can’t afford, not what they want to do.

Post # 9
Member
2104 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

I told people “due to budget, venue, and space constraints, we can’t accomodate any more guests than were listed on your invitation.”  That worked pretty well.  I even told a couple of people that we were already over capacity  ;o)  

Post # 10
Member
39 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: June 2013

The no kids thing I’m fine with, draw the line. 

 

However, I feel every adult guest should have the option of bringong a guest.  If that means inviting fewer people, fine.   I don’t think anyone should be forced to come alone.  

 

 

Post # 11
Member
1599 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

Can you tell that the the venue only allows for X number of people? This way it’s not a money issue and they can’t offer to pay. Just tell them their guest won’t have a seat and/or you don’t want to create a fire hazard with too many peopleWink.

 

 

Post # 12
Member
11234 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013

@andielovesj:  lol “Gotta go, cat’s on fire!”  

Post # 13
Member
3421 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2014 - Manhattan Church Rec Center

I would love to have a kid-free ceremony. As we are planning to elope/smallwedding in the park and want to get in and out quick. Here is the mock up of the wording I am thinking of.

We humbly request that you refrain from bringing your infant
As their will be much (MUCH) alcohol & Merriment.

But we are still looking at 2-7 under the age of  10kids being there because by the time the wedding actually happens they will all be over the age of 3.

We may ask that the ceremony be kid free except for the 2 who will be participating and have the rest of them at the recpetion since the ceremony will be in Manhattan and the recpetion in queens.

Post # 14
Member
4520 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

@andielovesj:  this! 

Just say no.

Post # 15
Member
546 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: January 2013

I am in a similar situation (not trying to hijack this thread) as of right now one guest just replied with a guest when she was not and guested.  We will see if others come up and if not just let this one rude guest slide by instead of creating drama.  If others do this then we will have to have the awkard conversation.

 

@juliaz012:  I understand your point of no one having to come alone, however the guest in question and the few others without guest are all part of one group of friends.  They all know each other hang out together outside of our wedding and with out Fiance and I.  I think that as long as they are seated together and good friends it is okay to invite them as singles.  I  have been invited to several weddings were Fiance (BF at the time) was not invited.  In most cases it was b/c I was friends with the couple and he was not and had very little previous contact with them.  In all of them there were several people from my group of friends invited and we just went together.  I was never upset over this and knew it came down to a numbers game.

Post # 16
Member
39 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: June 2013

See, just the fact that you are calling her the one ‘rude guest’ bothers me.  She wasn’t rude, she correctly assumed she is an adult and will bring someone with her.

IF, and I repeat IF, anyone was rude – it was you.

I know your intentions were good, but the execution was not (in my opinion)

 

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