(Closed) How to tell between FOMO and actually wanting a baby?

posted 6 years ago in Babies
Post # 3
Member
3170 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

In my opinion, you can never be ready for a child. You never realize how time consuming, expensive, and tiring it can be until you have one. But you also never realize how amazing and wonderful a child be until it’s in your arms. My husband is at a job he hates as well but I know that bringing a child into our life would bring a whole new perspective into our thinking and it would make everything worth it.

If I were you, I would talk to your hsuband about all of this. He is the one who should be helping you decide. He is the one who has the opinion that matters.

Post # 4
Member
751 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

@eatwithaspoon:  To me my husband’s happyness would win hands down. I just love him more than any hypothetical child we may ever have.

Children are expensive,time consuming and emotionally draining. Yes they bring immense joy but also immense stress and you never really know how things can turn out. You could have a very challenging child or (hopefully not) a disabled or unhealthy child which could make your life very hard, if I were in that situation i’d at least want to have some serenity at work.

Also you mention that your not sure you really want children. From what I have read it’s very common for women to want children when their friends start getting pregnant, it’s a human’s nature to want to conform to the community it lives in. Most of these women that were having doubts actually decided not to have children. Child-rearing is not about cuddling cute babies, that’s only for a year or so, the real work comes after and it never ends. You are creating a new human being that will be in your lives forever. And this human being could be amazing, but he/she could also be not.

Before becoming a parent I think you should consider all the things people rave about, the amazing feeling or holding your baby for the first time, seeing him/her grow, start to walk,talk, learn new things. But also consider the bad, you may not have a good relationship with your child, you may become estranged, your child may not become the kind of person you’d want them to be or you could simply not have a close relationship. 

Clearly no one goes into parenting thinking this, but it is a reality. Also consider that never again will it be justyou and your husband (or just you for the matter).

If I were you I would encourage my husband to seek a new job that makes him happy and maybe reschedule the baby talk for a few years (give him time to get on his feet financially). Financial worries are the number one cause of stress in a relationship so you don’t want that to mark your baby’s first years.

I’ve noticed something, people that genuinly want children will be patient. They will wait until the conditions they live in are favourable (not perfect, since they never will be but at least favourable). Whereas people who don’t really want kids tend to entertain the idea every so often and then discard it because ultimatly that’s not how they envision their life.

Post # 5
Member
4284 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

I second everything @Birdee106:  said. 

Post # 6
Member
1575 posts
Bumble bee

It definitely helps to sit down with your husband and discuss what your timeline will be if you aren’t sure where you both stand. You can never be 100% “ready”, but you will probably know when you REALLY want to try. My husband and I kindof beat around the bush about discussing kids, but then when we actually sat down and talked about a timeline, we realised we were both on the same page and ready to start trying. Even once we decided to start trying, I was a little bit nervous feeling like “omg! what are we doing?” haha but I was also sooo excited and meticulous about trying to do everything right to get pregnant ASAP. Happened our first cycle trying, so any apprehension had to go straight out the window. Obviously there is going to be some nervousness about becoming a parent and having this little life to take care of and that is normal.

Since you have both flip-flopped a bit on the idea of kids, I think a discussion is definitely in order. 🙂 If you do decide you want kids now or later, talking about a timeline should be helpful especially considering that he may want to change jobs. Good luck to you both!

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