Post # 1
I’m a bridesmaid in my friend’s wedding at the end of August. She posted today that she wants all of us to request for that entire day off even though she hasn’t had her meeting to set a rehearsal time. Her rehearsal is on a friday and her wedding is that sunday. I will be starting a new job on Aug. 1st and I don’t feel comfortable asking for a day off before I’ve even been there a month. How do I explain that I probably can’t attend the rehearsal and her not come uncorked on me?
Post # 2
Aly7489: “Hi____, just saw your post and wanted to let you know asap that I won’t be able to take the day off as I just started a new job. When you have set the time for the rehearsal, let me know. I will do my best to make the rehearsal, but if I can’t, will make sure that I touch base with the Maid/Matron of Honor to fill me in on any details.”
You won’t be the frst member of a wedding party who can’t make the rehearsal. Weddings are not rocket science. You line up, you walk in, you move to the left and stand in a line, done.
Post # 3
- Wedding: Royal Park Hotel
Aly7489: haha @ “uncorked”
She’ll just have to understand. Tell her what you told us. You’re starting a new job and you just can’t get time off. Just tell her you can’t….not that you won’t ask. I’ve known BMs that had to miss rehersals because they were actually in another wedding that very day (IE: Bridesmaid or Best Man in a Friday wedding and then Bridesmaid or Best Man in a Saturday wedding) They were still OK and figured out how to walk down the aisle. Your friend should be ok. Just tell her ASAP
Post # 4
You just need to be honest about it. She has no business telling everyone to burn an entire vacation day (which you won’t even have yet!) 2 days before her wedding. My MOH’s mom was critically ill suddenly the day of my rehearsal and cell phones weren’t everywhere back then. When she got there for the wedding, I gave her the 30 second rundown of what she missed. Easy peasy, no issues.
You don’t need to be apologetic, just honest. don’t feel bad – you have a new job!
Post # 5
Tell her now before she officially sets a time.
“I am starting a new job in August so I won’t be able to take off a whole day that Friday before your wedding. I work 8-5, so if the rehearsal is anytime after that I will be there for sure! But if its during the day, I won’t be able to make it”
Post # 6
IF she’s a reasonable person, she’ll understand. However, you’re here asking for advice about how to tell someone something simple.. Which leads me to believe her response could be problematic.
Tell her asap and go from there. Its not like you can’t make the wedding.
Post # 7
Be honest, and tell her right away. Any decent person is going to understand that your job and your livelihood come first.
Post # 8
julies1949: I had asked her what time the rehearsal was, figuring it would be later that evening since we all have jobs. But she told me to take the entire day off.
Derp: Wow that would super suck. I hope she’ll understand. She hasn’t exactly been the most forthcoming with information in this entire wedding process and has been known to have a crisis because she couldn’t have macaroons at her reception.
Thanks you guys. I just wanted to make sure others have had this experience. I know some brides expect their bridesmaids to drop everything at all times, so I was worried.
Post # 9
Aly7489: Simple. Tell the bride I am sorry but I cannot make it. I will get the details of the ceremony arragement the day of. Its not that serious. She should understand, although she doesn’t seem like she is being that she expects everyone to take off a day from work. She should have scheduled something in the evening.
FOr our rehearsal dinner one of our groomsmen couldn’t make it because they had work. No problem! The day of the wedding came and his escort (the bridesmaid he walked down with) explained the day of what he was supposed to do. There were no issues!
Don’t freak out and don’t be afraid to tell the bride no, because some brides are too demanding.
Post # 10
I was in a friends wedding at the end of May, and I know that one of her BMs wasn’t at reheasral since she lived out of town and was driving into to at that time – made it to the rehearsal dinner though.
I would hope your friend would understand why you couldn’t make it.
Post # 11
We didn’t even have a rehearsal. (We did have a rehearsal dinner, though, because why pass up a chance for a nice dinner? Ha ha.) Unless a wedding is way super complicated, most people can figure out how to walk down an aisle and then stand still. Like a poster above already said, it’s not rocket science. If the bride flips out over this, it’s her problem, not yours.
Post # 12
I agree that weddings are super simple. I don’t even know if all of the groomsmen will be in the country by then. I’m sure the other girls will just fill me in. It sucks that the venue is an hour away from me and in the middle of the DFW area. Yay traffic at all times. We don’t even have hotels reserved or booked for this event because she never did that and scheduled her wedding labor day weekend.
Post # 13
Aly7489: um, no. I’m sorry and I love my friends, but they do not own my vacation time. Only my boss and I own that. If she needs me to take a day off from work, she can pay me my daily rate if my boss is cool with that. If not, she can fill me in when I get there.
Also, is this a local wedding or a distance wedding? If it’s a distance wedding and you’re worried about hotels, just book a hotel room for you close to the venue. There’s no rule that says that everyone needs to book together.
It sounds like this bride is a logistical nightmare. I feel you.
Post # 14
bitsybee: She is. One of the other bridesmaids (who is planning the wedding for her) had to tell us when to buy our dresses. The bride hadn’t purchased hers and couldn’t be bothered to make decisions because she was having a different crisis every week. Yes and No to the destination wedding. The groom and his crew are all from england while most of us are in texas (granted they have people coming from all over). Most of us live in the dallas/fort worth area and are about 20-60 minutes away from the venue. Since the wedding is at 1 pm and we have to get up early to get ready, she was going to reserve hotels for us and etc. I don’t think she even has a make up person or hair set for all of us (including her).
If she scheduled a time for the rehearsal, I could know if I could show up or not. Without knowing and having to say “look I’m not going to make it. I hope you understand” makes me feel like she’ll either understand or get pissed. My SO said “she’ll just have to deal and realize she can’t always get her way.”