(Closed) How to tell close family friend they're not invited

posted 5 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
5983 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2018

@chazieurbie:  He’s the one who’s out of order, calling to verify an invitation is extremely rude because it creates this kind of situation, just like the one you’ve got here.  First off, texting is bad, don’t reply with that…call him, tell him how very lovely it was for him to check in, but due to your budget and venue, you were unable to extend him an invitation.  However, if he ever finds himself in your neighborhood, it would just be so lovely to have dinner together, thank you again for calling.

Post # 4
Member
786 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

@Nona99:  I agree with this.  How rude people can be to expect to be invited to the wedding of someone they’re not close with.  If your cousins get mad at you than you can simply explain to them the situation about budget and venue.   Stick to your guns and don’t let anyone talk you into inviting him

Post # 5
Member
701 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

I would accidentally “forget” to respond to him.

Post # 6
Member
1423 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2009

Honestly, the only thing I regret about our wedding was not inviting people I maybe should have in order to keep our numbers and costs down.  It wouldn’t have that big of a difference cost-wise.  If it will cause any strife or awkwardness, you might save yourself some trouble  by inviting him and be done with it.  It’s not like you’ll have to spend much time with him the day of, anyway. 

 

Post # 7
Member
3375 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

Tell him it’s a close family wedding and that you had to draw the guest book at that.

Post # 8
Member
4194 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: July 2012 - Baltimore Museum of Industry

@Nona99:  +1

Post # 10
Member
1510 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

Honesty is the best policy.  As others have mentioned, tell him that while you would have loved for him to be able to celebrate your day with you, you are funding the wedding yourselves and only inviting a very small number of family/ friends as a result.  I think guys are more understanding when it comes to budget things.  

I really don’t think he was trying to be rude.  Guys, especially unmarried guys, have no idea what wedding ettiquette is.  Sure, it’s a pain to deal with this, but he probably honestly thought he was invited and will be embarassed by his behavior when he realizes that his presumption was incorrect.  

Post # 11
Member
433 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

@plzhalp:  +100

 

I would do this as well. Oops! Never received it.

Post # 12
Member
4327 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: January 1992

Send him a list of fun activities in his town scheduled for your wedding date, and suggest he check them out.

Post # 13
Member
1510 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

And in regards to some of these other comments… just because he does not know wedding ettiquette, doesn’t mean that you should be flat out rude to him as some of the ladies have suggested.  There is no need for that.  Just be honest.  

Post # 14
Member
26 posts
Newbee

I agree, it’s pretty rude to just assume you’re invited to someone’s wedding.

If this is really going to cause a major rift in your family, @bluegreenjean makes a good point…it might be better off to just invite him.  You’re going to be so busy with other things on your wedding day that you’ll probably only have to say “hi” and “bye” to him.

However, if you’re still extremely opposed to having him there and you’ve stretched your budget far enough (which is what it sounds like), you are NOT at all obligated to invite him.  Just tell him the truth (and you don’t even have to say that you wish you could have him there, haha):  “We’re so sorry, but due to several reasons, we’ve decided to have a small wedding with very close family and friends.  Unfortunately, we can’t afford to stretch our guest list any further. Thank you so much for wanting to support us!  We hope you have a wonderful vacation!”

Post # 16
Member
11760 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

He’s the rude one. Just be honest and say sorry but you didn’t make the cut.

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