- 11 months ago
- Wedding: August 2019
Hi Bees! Need some help with minimizing the hurtfulness of this situation. I have one female cousin from my mom’s side and two from my dad’s. My mom’s side lives in a different state, my dad’s side lives in the same state I do. Spent quite a bit of time with all of them growing up. Since then, I see my 2 cousins from dad’s side 1-2x per year, and while I love them, we don’t hang out a ton or text or anything even though we live in the same state. I was a bridesmaid in the older one’s wedding 4 years ago (we are the same age, but she got married right out of college). I am much closer to my mom’s side cousin. I moved out to where she lives to live with her for a year, we talk often, etc.
I am asking my sister, my FH’s sister, my cousin on my mom’s side, and my 4 best friends to be bridesmaids. 7 is still a pretty big group, but I cannot imagine not having any of those girls up there, and I feel really good about the group. I am not planning on asking my two cousin’s on my dad’s side, just because we aren’t quite as close and I don’t want a huge bridal party. I knew that would be a tough cut, and that they may be surprised and/or hurt, especially because I was a bridesmaid for one already.
Anyway, my aunt on my dad’s side (mother of the two cousins in my state) texted me the other day to offer to host a shower or a bridesmaid luncheon, which was very sweet of her. The phrasing of my aunt’s text made it sound like they think they will likely be bridesmaids. The married cousin has a 4 y/o that I would like to have as a flower girl to represent our “cousin connection.” Is it better to just let them figure out for themselves they won’t be bridesmaids, or should I be upfront and tell them? I honestly feel like just addressing it is the less hurtful way, but it does seem weird to reach out to someone sepcifically to tell them they WON’T be asked. On the other hand, just ignoring the issue seems a little cowardly or like I didn’t even care enough to explain the situation.
If I *should* reach out, what do you think of something like this:
“Hey gals. Wanted to reach out to you on something. I have had a really hard time with trying to narrow down a bridesmaid list, which on one hand is awesome because it means I’m so lucky to have so many special relationships…but on the other hand it blows because it means that I just can’t have all the people that are close to my heart standing up there (just between my family, Dave’s sister, and my core best friends I was looking at 11 people, which is just too many). I’ve decided to draw the line at the women I’ve also lived with, with the exception of FH’s sister. I’d <u>of course</u> love to have you guys at any showers/luncheons/the bachelorette party if you’re able and interested!
I hope you know how important both of you have been to me my whole life, continue to be now, and will be forever. I would be so excited if FOUR Y/O could be a flower girl to represent that. I know she holds a unique spot in FAMILY NAME’s heart as the first “kid’s kid”, and as the first kid of any of the cousins, I think she holds a special place among all of us that really represents the cousin’s transition from mudcakes in Lake Powell to adulthood. Do you think that’s something she would be excited about?”
Thanks so much!!!