Post # 1
Okay, so my parents divorced about 16 yrs ago. Dad remarried and divorced two more times after my mom. I’m not close with my 1st stepmother, so she’s not invited to the wedding and I’m okay with that (never got along with her anyway). But my 2nd stepmother (now ex) I grew really close too. Plus she has a daughter who is my stepsister, divorce or not. So 2nd stepmother is invited to the wedding. Now my dad is dating this other woman and quite frankly, at this point I have no interest in bonding with her. She’s nice, but I’m just over it. I’m still not quite over my dad’s 3rd divorce (it’s about 1.5 yrs old now). So how do I tell my dad that I don’t want him to bring this new girlfriend to my wedding? This is complicated by the fact that he is paying for 100% of this wedding! I’m so grateful for this, but I don’t want to give him a “and guest” spot. Then I feel like I’ll have to give my 2nd stepmother a “and guest” spot. She may actually bring someone too. So then I’d want to give my mother a “and guest” spot, and she is def not bringing a guest. I hate to say it, but it makes me uncomfortable seeing my mom alone and seeing my dad all cuddled up for the umpteenth time!
Ridiculously enough, my dad initially suggested a destination wedding: as if I’d want to vacation for 4 days with my divorced parents, ex stepmother, and possibly the new girlfriend all at the same time. That sounds like hell on a beach, not paradise.
Post # 3
hmmm thats a little bit difficult if he is paying 100%. Honestly, both my parents have re-married and divorced several times since their initial divorce so I know what you are going through. Unless you think this new gf of your fathers is going to disrupt the wedding or wreck havoc, I would just let her come. Since it seems like money is not an issue (paying for extra plates) then just let it go. You said that you have no problem with her and shes nice, but you just dont want to bond with her. I recommend keeping the peace and just letting your father and step-mother bring who they want.
Post # 4
Instead of telling him “no”, have a conversation with your dad and tell him how you feel. If you feel comfortable, be 100% honest about all of it and hopefully he’ll be understanding.
Post # 5
Have you asked your dad if he is planning on bringing this girl, he may not even be with the same one by October.
Post # 6
I’m sorry but I really don’t think that you have any right to tell him who he can or cannot bring. He is paying for 100% of this wedding. So while it is a day to celebrate your marriage, he is able to bring whomever he likes to celebrate this day with you. Business partners, distant relatives… whomever, because he is taking responsibility for them. You probably won’t even realise that she is there.
It’s your wedding, but he is the host.
So, as the host, don’t you want him to be able to share the day with someone? To have someone there who is going to listen to him rattle on about how proud he is of you and what a great party he helped organise? Ultimately it will mean that your dad is happy and enjoys himself. You’ll be all wrapped up in your new husband, so what does it matter who your dad is sitting with?
Can’t your mum bring a good friend along if she doesn’t have a datedate. By the 3rd divorce she must be used to him being with other women by now.
I’m sorry if this is sounding a bit harsh, but I really just don’t think that you have any ground to stand on with this issue.
Post # 7
I hate to say it, but if he is paying for the wedding, he can bring whoever he wants. When you pay for the wedding, you can call all the shots. When it comes out of someone elses pocket, they have final say. If he brings her, just be cival and polite and just regard her as the arm candy by his side and don’t get into any drama with her or your dad.
Post # 8
@SouthRNComfort: I understand a little where you’re coming from..just today my mom asked if we were skipping the ‘parent’s dance’ since she is divorced (and not seeing anyone) and my father is not at all invited to the wedding. However, I feel that Mr.ND’s parents should get a dance if they’d like one…I’ve just been made aware of all the ‘divorce minefields’ that will be coming in my wedding planning.
I understand your discomfort and not wanting to hurt your mom, but your dad is hosting (and I’m assuming you have an ok relationship with him since he is involved in footing the wedding bill). You should have an honest discussion with him and maybe state how you’d really be most comfortable with your family there (none of them bringing guests) or having them all bring guests. While your mom may not have a date, if your dad has someone special and he is hosting, it’s really only fair that he be able to invite her. Perhaps if you emphasize to him how important it is to you that they be a special someone, he’ll make sure to only invite someone he’s been seeing quite a while and allow your mom and 2nd step-mom to bring a guest as well.
Post # 9
I don’t think you can tell him who to invite or not since he is paying for it. But a good honest conversation is in order. Good Luck!
Post # 10
@Everdeen: I agree. Don’t you want your father to have someone to enjoy the day with. He is paying for everything. Kind of sounds like you should re-think your decision. That is very selfish.
Post # 11
I’m sorry, but out of respect for your dad (and to not seem like an ungrateful brat) let him bring who he’d like. You can discuss it with him – but at the end of the day, I think you have to let him do what he wants.
Post # 12
I also think you don’t have a say here. He’s paying for the wedding, thus, he can bring whomever he damn well pleases. I think even telling him you don’t want him bringing anyone is out of line. Like someone said upthread, it may be your wedding, but he’s the host. It would be considered exceptionally rude to tell the host of a party in your honor that they can’t bring a date to said party.
Post # 13
i agree with pp’s…since he’s paying, you can’t tell him not to bring someone. you can talk to him about how you feel and see what he says.
Post # 14
I agree with others, he should be able to invite whoever he would like. But I also would def give your mom & step mom a plus one; that way they can have the option to bring a friend. I think they would really appreaciate that 🙂
Post # 15
If he’s paying for it, he has the right to bring whomever he wants. I would suggest talking to him to see if he plans to bring this new girlfriend but you really can’t tell him he’s “not allowed” since he’s paying for the whole shebang.
Post # 16
I understand where you’re coming from, but if he’s paying he has the right to bring a date. It doesn’t mean you have to bond with her, she’s just another guest. You won’t even notice her. You may want to specify you don’t want her in photographs (especially with his track record 🙂